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Funky Winkerbean, 10/16/21

“Gosh,” literally dozens of you are wondering, “Whatever happened with Holly after she broke her ankle?” Well, she had to have surgery and now she’s going to be laid up for weeks, so she has to have her meals prepared for her … [dramatic music sting] … by a man! I really went full circle on this one from “Ugh, what a tired and sexist trope” to “Wait a minute, Funky literally owns a restaurant, this doesn’t even make sense” to “Wait, the restaurant Funky owns is Montoni’s, purveyor of the saddest, grossest pizza in Ohio” to “Ugh, fine, this is a tired and sexist trope but it absolutely makes sense in this case.”

Mary Worth, 10/16/21

Oh no, Carol is acquiescing to Wilbur’s sweaty, combed-over charms! I’m holding out hope that she’s waiting until they’re someplace with lots of other people present to let him down easy, both for her own safety and because she heard his public meltdowns are extremely hilarious.

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Family Circus, 10/15/21

Wow, this one is pretty tough! Obviously it’s totally believable that Jeffy has managed to tragically injure himself due to his own clumsiness and incompetence; but it’s also very plausible that he’s covered with stains and bits of food, even though his last meal was several hours ago.

Shoe, 10/15/21

Big news, everybody! The Perfesser got hit by a truck. But he seems fine now? Plus he’s getting 35% of a pretty lucrative settlement. Things are looking up for him!

Mary Worth, 10/15/21

THAT’S RIGHT CAROL

BREAK HIS HEART

BREAK

HIS

HEART

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Mary Worth, 10/8/21

Yes, it’s true: when you see someone that you ended up dumping because they got mad at your cat for ruining your singalongs, and somehow that’s not even the most embarrassing thing they ever did to you, stunned silence is the most logical response! You should be stunned that you let this man come in physical contact with you, and perhaps should do some silent meditation on why you thought that was somehow better than just being single!

Hi and Lois, 10/8/21

Congrats to Hi and Lois for getting from “wow, folks today aren’t tucking in their shirts, pretty crazy” to “have you heard about non-fungible tokens, the new way to sell unique digital art on the blockchain?” in only 72 hours. It’s been a real roller coaster ride!