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Six Chix, 6/2/21

Sorry, folks, I can’t even deal with the ostensible joke here because of the bird’s use of “peeps” to refer to fellow birds, which is both not really related to the punchline of the strip and frankly too cute by half. There’s an old bit of comedy jargon that calls this sort of thing, where two unrelated jokes distract from each other, “putting a hat on a hat.” You should generally remove whichever one of the jokes is less funny, which I realize is hard to do in scenarios where neither is funny, but I think this strip is good evidence the leaving both in isn’t helping.

Gil Thorp, 6/2/21

Wait a minute, the library board isn’t an elective body or even appointed by elected officials, but is just a self-selecting oligarchy where current members choose new members based on their own self-serving and inscrutable criteria? That’s it, my mind’s totally changed on this whole library situation, Abel Brito needs to force his way onto this board by whatever means necessary and end this medieval institution by burning it to the ground.

Mary Worth, 6/2/21

Oh, sorry, it looks like before Ashlee sashays out of Drew’s life, expensive Rolex in hand, she’s going to get together with him for one last lunch for old time’s sake and absolutely roast him for his many personal failings.

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Mary Worth, 6/1/21

Wow, huh, if you had asked me how this was going to go, I would’ve guessed, at various points over the course of this storyline, first “Ashlee becomes emotionally/sexually obsessed with Drew, who quickly tires of her”, then “Ashley becomes enraged at Drew when he fails to make her Instagram famous,” then finally “Ashlee hooks Drew for the long con.” But nope, it turns out that what Ashlee meant when she told Drew that “I recognize that face!” was that she had seen his Instagram feed and caught sight of his fancy Rolex in one of his selfies, so she used his pics and geotags to figure out where he might regularly stop to eat, got a job there to arrange the meeting, seduced him and set up a photoshoot, and casually nabbed the watch while he was distracted. Mission accomplished! The whole elaborate scheme was about the acquisition of a single expensive watch! Gotta say, I always appreciate it when Mary Worth zigs when I expect it to zag.

Judge Parker, 6/1/21

So there was a long stretch in this strip where Sophie’s whole deal was that she had PTSD due to her kidnapping and she couldn’t decide if she wanted to go to college, much to Abbey’s consternation, so she just hung around Cavelton and ran some failing mayoral campaigns instead. But now it’s Randy’s turn to be kidnapped, Sam’s hung up on it, and apparently Sophie’s been away at college for … months? And seems to be doing fine. “Wow,” she’s clearly thinking in panel two, “Maybe I should look into getting a job on campus during semester breaks from here on out.”

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Mary Worth, 5/30/21

Remembrer, folks: if you’re an attractive older woman who’s hit it off with an age-appropriate man you meet online, that man is definitely a fake account set up to catfish you. And if you’re a charming bald middle-aged American and you’re romanced by a statuesque Colombian beauty, it’s 100% certain you’re being sex-grifted. And if you’re a handsome young doctor with a reasonably high-profile Instagram and you fall into a hot fling with a sexy young waitress? Well, you’d better believe you’re about to have your watch stolen. Sorry, Drew, that’s just what you get for allowing yourself to feel sexual arousal! Why can’t you be more like your dad and Mary, who barely spend any time together, or Toby and Ian, who absolutely can’t stand one another?

Crankshaft, 5/30/21

In today’s Crankshaft, the title character spends the entire strip writhing wordlessly in pain. Yes, his daughter feels a need to step in and take on the family wordplay duties, but please don’t let that distract you from this strip’s central pleasure.

Family Circus, 5/30/21

Wow, looks like the Keane tradition of having adult men in the family is over, huh? That’s all in the past. The future is just weird, ugly little kids as far as the eye can see.