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Mary Worth, 5/28/20

I am dying at Mary saying it’s always OK to love someone … or something … presumably to set the groundwork for her next romantic meddle in Dawn’s life. “Dear, once Jared inevitably dumps you, have considered loving something that … isn’t a person? Like a dog, or a tree, or a bridge. Or an abstract concept! Dawn, an abstract concept could never leave you! A dog, now … well, let’s not take any chances.”

Gasoline Alley, 5/28/20

Ahh, thought Walt Wallet, finally. It had been a long century, to be sure. His bones were tired. So tired. But the process he had put into motion in the trenches of World War I, which eventually catapulted America to a global dominance uniquely dependent on fossil fuels, was finally bearing fruit. Sure, the consequences would be terrible a few decades after he was gone, but now, at long last, he felt warm enough.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/26/20

Guys, I think our favorite medical-themed soap opera strip is going to start talking about the one medical problem that everyone’s got on their mind these days? Nobody’s said “COVID” or “coronavirus” yet but Truck’s talking about staying with his brother “for the duration” and he won’t be playing clubs for a while, so I think the Morganverse is finally going to catch up with us! Anyway, Buck, tech support for the downtrodden, is going to set up some kind of streaming concert for Truck on Twitch or Instagram Live or something, which honestly sounds pretty sad, not at all like the Zoom comedy show I’m doing next week, which will be fun and cool and good.

Mary Worth, 5/26/20

Fortunately for the Dawns of this world, Mary Worth, the comic strip, very much does not turn on a dime. Did you think this Dawn/Jared plotline was basically over two weeks ago when Dawn told Jared she wouldn’t be dumping him? Turns out nope! Turns out Dawn’s gonna process it all and there’s no end in sight!

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Mark Trail, 5/23/20

“Well, of course, Mark, that’s understandable. But we’re not doing another camping trip for a couple of months. Maybe in the fall you might want to–”

“MY DOG, GEOFF. MY DOG ANDY. HE’S VERY BIG. MY CALENDAR IS EXTREMELY FULL, WITH ANDY TIME”

The Lockhorns, 5/23/20

Well, the online discourse that erupted after Martin Scorsese declared that Marvel movies aren’t cinema a few months ago has mostly died down, but Leroy? Leroy is ready to fan the flames again. Watch out, film Twitter!

Mary Worth, 5/23/20

“I can’t really explain it, but when I got to the airport in Santa Royale, the city where I grew up and where I go to college, I really felt like I was home! Probably because I live here, I guess. Oh, also Jared was there to drive me back to the condo or whatever.”