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Archive: Mary Worth

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Above and below

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Mary Worth, 5/8/20

Floatin heads are, of course, a beloved Mary Worth tradition, so well established that they have their own category in the annual Worthy Awards. Today’s is a particular delight. Dawn’s fantasy Jared isn’t contained in a thought balloon, but is rather emerging from a cloud bank as she flies back from the East Coast, and while it’s always hard to judge the relative size of cloud formations, I think we have to assume that this Jared is hundreds of feet tall and regarding Dawn’s plane serenely while floating thousands of feet in the air. Since she has such an active imagination, it’s no surprise Dawn hasn’t bothered to, say, pay for in-flight wi-fi, which she could’ve used to get in touch with Jared and let him know the she isn’t going to dump him or anything.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 5/8/20

Parson Tuttle is, as longtime readers of this blog know, a phony who’s wholly unlearned in Christian theology and philosophy and is only acting as a clergyman as a grift. Today’s he taking the day off from the scam, so he can relax, ignore the bogus Christian god, and commune with his true objects of worship: the uncanny scaly mer-deities who live beneath the waters, sleeping dreamless for eons, waiting for the day when they’ll rise up and annihilate us.

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“Killed by ex-gangster with Lunarian DNA” would be an extremely metal way for any ’70s rocker to die

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Dick Tracy, 5/4/20

Fresh off from being traumatized by being kidnapped by her ex-cellmate and by being kidnapped by a weird bank robber/robot fetishist not long before that, Mysta is about to be traumatized by the unannounced appearance of Styx vocalist Dennis DeYoung! I am dying to know the backstory of his appearance here; I’m hoping it arose because that earlier storyline used Mr. Roboto imagery without permission and he demanded an in-strip appearance as compensation. Anyway, Mysta should not use her moon powers to harm this aging rocker, though she might want to keep the threat at the ready in case he starts nattering on about his legal battles with his ex-bandmates.

Mary Worth, 5/4/20

“Dawn … do you still feel like I do? That this whole thing was a mistake and you’d be better off with Hugo? I sure hope so!”

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Romantic and/or Hollywood magic

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Funky Winkerbean, 5/2/20

Ha ha ha, a sequel? Do these crass Hollywood schlockmeisters want Les to taint the precious, pure story of his dead wife Lisa with a [shudder of disgust] sequel? What would such a sequel even be about? Maybe finding a new love and a new life with his second wife? Absurd. Lisa is the only one worthy of installments in this series, and once Lisa’s dead, there’s nobody else a movie in the world Les is conjuring could be about. So, in other words: does Les have any other ideas for these guys? Anything else new or interesting to say, other than what he’s been saying for the past twenty years? The answer is a very, very hard no.

Mary Worth, 5/2/20

The thing to remember about Jared’s first storyline with Dawn from a couple years ago was that he’s a clumsy, self-loathing dork who absolutely seethes with resentment whenever anyone socially skilled or attractive talks to Dawn, so he’s gonna fuckin’ hate it when Dawn announces that they’re going to take a trip to France together in the summer to hang out with Hugo and his new girlfriend, and that’s even before Hugo inevitably suggests a partner swap.