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Six Chix, 8/23/19

Dear Lady: Cat no ask be pet. You make cat pet! Cat is cat: leave cat be.

Between Friends, 8/23/19

The clerk hasn’t found a job that values her creative writing degree, but she hasn’t lost her gift for concise metaphor, either.

Mary Worth, 8/23/19

“Dear Glum Gina — Yes, I read Mary Worth, too. Don’t get your hopes up.”

Family Circus, 8/23/19

“Someday,” Jeffy says, “someday the strip will be mine, and I’ll show the world how it really was back then, growing up. How he was, sitting in the back seat across from me, counting the cars as we passed and yammering on about every … damn … one. And then again in the restaurant, unspooling those endless hours of drivel in reverse, car by car. Back then I couldn’t do anything more than turn my head to shut him out. But someday the strip will be mine. I’ll show them all, and everyone will know.”

— Uncle Lumpy

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Mary Worth, 8/18/19

Ah, this Hugo, he is as slippery as an eel’s nest, n’est-il? Dawn tries to set her hook, but he plays it koi and won’t rise to the bait. Net net, she’s in the tank for him but he’s all, “No tanks!” She shouldn’t carp, though – she’s getting his sole attention, so at least he’s not a grouper. And it’s not like anything better is coming down the pike.

Fin.

Kevin and Kell, 8/18/19

Fannie Firefly says cousin Freddie sold their entire family to an insectivore couple for dinner. Freddie admits he took the money but claims he directed Fenton and Lindesfarne to a swarm of bees instead. How will Slylock prove Freddie is lying?

˙ʞɹɐp ǝɥʇ uᴉ ʍolƃ llᴉʍ sʇɹɐɟ s,ǝldnoɔ ǝɥʇ—sʇɥƃᴉl ǝɥʇ ɟɟo uɹnʇ llᴉʍ ʞɔolʎlS :ɹǝʍsu∀

Mutts, 8/18/19

POP QUIZ

What is the lowest form of humor?

1. Fish Puns
2. Fart Jokes
3. When Mutts finally delivers a solid punchline and promptly steps all over it.

— Uncle Lumpy

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Gil Thorp, 8/12/19

So underlying the whole “Hadley is using her big-city lawyer skills to browbeat the school board into letting an ineligible student attend Milford” plot is the “Hadley’s dad, who is also a lawyer, I guess, isn’t really that hot on her relationship with Jaquan for reasons nobody can explain.” I guess Hadley’s just straight-up annihilating the hapless small-town rubes of the Milford school board with facts and logic as way to show her dad that she isn’t “losing her edge”? Anyway, say what you will about Milford’s white-collar local elites, but they are not afraid to wear bold green suits in professional circumstances, which is more than the men in more supposedly culturally liberal big cities can say!

Funky Winkerbean and Crankshaft, 8/12/19

Yes, it sure is crazy that Mindy would want to come to the county fair, since county fairs are … one of America’s most treasured and popular local attractions? I guess if any effort had been put into coming up with a personality for Funky Winkerbean-era Mindy beyond “fond Crankshaft rememberer and sex reward for Mopey Pete,” we the audience might be surprised too! But she really does have an emotional connection to the fair, it seems: it was the place where she heard grandfather say “A funnel cake is like a donut on steroids!” which was the only time in her entire life that he successfully deployed a common turn of phrase without botching it so badly that it was difficult to believe that he was a native English speaker.

Mary Worth, 8/12/19

What’s Dawn going to do with the few short weeks she has left with Hugo? Sit on the lawn and stare at his ass and calves, apparently! This is honestly the most emotionally healthy choice we’ve ever seen her make.