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Archive: Mary Worth

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OF COURSE HER FACE WILL BE ON THE PRODUCT, HOW DARE YOU

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Mary Worth, 2/8/18

Mary Worth is, of course, the most emotionally self-actualized character in the comic strip that bears her name. How could it be any other way? All of that is on full display on today’s strip. Mary neither seeks nor fears fame. She’s ready for the attention that her muffins’ greatness might draw to her; but, on the other hand, she knows that the vulgar mob is fickle, and if they turn away from her, it’s their fault, not hers, and definitely not the muffins’. She remains open to and sanguine about all possibilities, with an equanimity that Marcus Aurelius and the Stoic philosophers of old would admire.

Spider-Man, 2/8/18

WAIT WAIT WHY DIDN’T IT WORK … THE FIRST TIME???? Is spider-sense one of those things you have to train, like the way Siri learns to understand your voice better over time? “Huh, he’s about to get whacked by a giant lizard tail. Is that good or bad? Not sure, let’s wait and see! [later] OK, definitely bad, we won’t let that happen again, ha ha!”

Crankshaft, 2/8/18

Oh, whoops, Crankshaft isn’t faking his drug-seeking behavior at all: he’s hoarding pain pills to sell at big markup to his creaky-kneed friends. Are you ready for Breaking Bad, except with more terrible wordplay?

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Which foodstuff do you think was so painful?

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Beetle Bailey, 2/4/18

Wow, this is a … very specific brand shout-out when it comes to Otto’s wine pairing? Really makes you wonder why he isn’t identifying the manufacturer of all those snack foods he found in his bed. Lay’s® classic potato chips! Snyder’s of Hanover® pretzels! Potato Stix, from Utz®! Really monetize this business! Anyway, if the point was to build brand awareness of Grand Estates Merlot from Columbia Crest Winery, mission accomplished, but if this was supposed to be a call to action, I regret to inform you that the Columbia Crest website currently appears to be inoperative.

Crankshaft, 2/4/18

Wow, considering Elvis probably died in part from all the prescription pills he was taking, that’s a spectacularly grim reference in the second panel! Crankshaft would be able to put himself out of his own endless misery, if he weren’t such a butterfingers.

Mary Worth, 2/4/18

Finally, someone has come up with something that could tempt Mary to make her deal with the devil Ted Miller and start hawking her muffins nationwide: the ability to afford a pied-à-terre in New York so she can live near handsome Broadway legend Ken Kensington, with whom Mary experienced a near-romance in a classic 2014 plotline. She could have Ken as her lover on the east coast and Dr. Jeff on the Pacific! You really can have it all … when you’re rich!

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He lacks that mammalian emotional warmth

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Mary Worth, 2/2/18

I suppose “Saul Lewman” is here because Mary Worth doesn’t want to run afoul of the notoriously litigious Newman’s Own foundation, but think about the implications here: Mary and Toby live in a universe where Paul Newman was never born, and where his counterpart had the somewhat more recognizably Jewish name “Saul Lewman,” but still became a famous leading man. Does that mean that Mary lives in a world that was, in the mid 20th century, less anti-Semitic? Did the Holocaust never happen in the Maryverse???? This is a can of worms that can’t be unopened!

Spider-Man, 2/2/18

Having never really read Spider-Man comics books as a kid, and having refused to see the James Garfield Amazing Spider-Man movies because of the absence of J. Jonah Jameson, I’m not really familiar with The Lizard, a super-villain who hasn’t made much of a pop-culture impact. Is his deal that he’s a real asshole who’s mean to everyone? That’s what I’m getting from his appearance here. Not that I’m complaining, mind you!

Dennis the Menace, 2/2/18

Mrs. Wilson covers her mouth in astonishment, as she suddenly makes the connection between George’s odd sleeping hours and the reports of a portly and stealthy masked vigilante who has been rumored to fight crime on the city streets in the wee hours of the morning.