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Mary Worth, 2/8/24

Move over, “celler door!” There’s a new most beautiful two-word phrase in the English language, and it’s “odd rock.” “Race you to that odd rock up ahead!” is a very normal phrase that native English speakers say to one another under all kinds of circumstances and there’s nothing strange or off-putting about it. Anyway, that odd rock definitely isn’t wide and flat, like an altar, and it definitely won’t be soon bedewed with the blood of the heretic Keith, with Kitty holding the obsidian dagger aloft while Sonia and Brad chant ecstatic praises to the Dark One who commands them. Some might say this is a situation that could’ve been avoided with a more timely DNA test, but I’m not here to judge.

Family Circus, 2/8/24

Damn, Dolly, I’m pretty sure PJ hasn’t grappled with the fleeting impermanence of life yet? This isn’t the fun kind of darndest thing to be saying, at all!

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Mary Worth, 2/5/24

Say, remember way back at the beginning of this storyline, when Sonia showed up at Keith’s doorstep insisting that he was her father, and due to their shared hair color and love of root beer he just kind of went along with it, even though many of us were like “Um, Keith? DNA test? Hello??? DNA test????” Well, big news: he’s finally getting around to it, and sure, most of us would want to get confirmation of paternity before we went through the trouble of reconnecting (sexually) with our long-lost ex/supposed baby mama and scaring away the weird fake hippie dude who was always hanging around for reasons that seemed predatory but were never quite clear. But, let’s be clear: most of us are cowards. Anyway, can’t wait for Keith’s ol’ pal Sal to call him from the lab and say “Yeah, your instincts were right on. This was definitely root beer.”

Hi and Lois, 2/5/24

The joke here is obviously that Lois is at the end of her rope and has resorted to the flimsiest of pretenses to force her children to stop talking, but I’d like to believe that it’s Hi she’s addressing in the second panel. It’s his moment of silence because he’s dying, which she hasn’t told him about yet.

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Mark Trail, 1/31/24

Having helped a bunch of guys get in touch with their emotions via fishing, Mark is now being dispatched on a much more dangerous mission: finding out what exactly the local authorities in Utah are doing with those wild horses they’ve been rounding up. Are they sending them to run and play at a farm upstate? No, that’s how we got into this problem in the first place. Anyway, this plotline better end with Mark punching Justin Shirley, director of the Division of Wildlife of the Utah Department of Natural Resources, while shouting “Soylent Horse is made of horses! You’ve got to believe me!”

Mary Worth, 1/31/24

Say, let’s go see what’s happening in Mary Wo–no. Gross. Absolutely not. I’d rather read about the horse murder.

Pluggers, 1/31/24

Pluggers are dying, do you hear me? Why am I the only one brave enough to say it? They’re dying! They’re all dying!