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Mary Worth, 9/1/24

Hey guys! Sorry I didn’t keep you up to date on the big drama at the Santa Royale Veterinarians Convention, which is that Dr. Ed ran into his ex Shiela and Estelle experienced a frission of jealousy about it. I know you’re all very emotionally invested in the Ed/Estelle relationship (or E/E, as its known in the fandom) and didn’t want to leave you with your feelings all up in the air about it! But don’t worry: today we’ve definitively established that Shiela is Dr. Ed’s former girlfriend, but they’re just good friends now. They each found partners better suited to them! And that goodness for that!

Panels from Slylock Fox, 9/1/24

This has got to be a real downer for the intelligent animals of Slylock Fox: they successfully rose up and overthrew humanity’s domination, but only had a couple decades at the top before a massive asteroid strike wiped out their ecosystem. Their rule was so brief that whatever sapient species eventually evolves from tiny sea lice in a billion years or so probably won’t even notice it in the paleontological record.

Panels from Beetle Bailey, 9/1/24

You ever think about how your bed has to work to support your weight while you’re asleep, and that what you consider to be the restful part of your day is actually when your bed suffers the most? Why would Beetle Bailey, whose title character is truly the patron saint of sloth, be the one to bring us this terrible information?

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Beetle Bailey, 8/29/24

I was going to say that Beetle’s whining here is unrealistic, as well as being literally, legally insubordinate, but you know what? The damn strip is named Beetle Bailey! If not for him, Halftrack wouldn’t even exist! Put some damn respect on his name, General!

Blondie, 8/29/24

Sorry, man, you don’t put a giant calendar like that on your fridge if you’re counting down towards something you’re wistful about, like the end of barbecuing season. I think it’s clear that Dagwood’s in a doomsday cult, the “last summer barbecue” is going to burn up most of the neighborhood and the people who live there, and he’s pissed because he’s been informed he won’t be able to partake of the Flesh of the Righteous alongside the Leader before he too is immolated.

Gearhead Gertie, 8/29/24

I gotta say, if you’re sitting on a park bench minding your own business and a total stranger decides to start tut-tutting at you about the kids today and their phones, I think indignantly replying “I’m reading about NASCAR” is as good a comeback as any. Maybe it’ll convince them that you’re decent, salt-of-the-earth people, or maybe it’ll just confuse them, but either way chances are good they’ll leave you alone!

Mary Worth, 8/29/24

ME WHEN I ASSSUMED DR. ED WAS TAKING ESTELLE TO A VETERINARIAN CONVENTION BECAUSE HE WAS AFRAID SHE WAS GETTING TOO OBSESSIVE ABOUT WEDDING STUFF AND ALSO SO SHE COULD LEARN MORE ABOUT THE PROFESSION: Well, I’m not sure this is really what she’d want but I think his heart’s in the right place.

ME TODAY AS I LEARN DR. ED IS TAKING ESTELLE TO A VETERINARIAN CONVENTION BECAUSE HE “OWES” HER A “DAY OUT” AND WAS GOING THERE ANYWAY: Girl. Dump him. Dump him girl!!!!

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 8/27/24

Ha, get it, you thought she wanted Ernie to stop smoking tobacco, a dangerous and expensive habit … but in fact, “smoking” could mean a number of different things! Thus the ambiguity. Not clear what Ernie’s wife has against smoking brisket. Seems like a pretty harmless and honestly delicious hobby to me. But you can figure that one out on your own. What, am I supposed to hold your hand on every little thing?

Mary Worth, 8/27/24

This is good! She’s going to get to the convention and find out that the reception theme is “fancy ball/exotic zoo,” and see that it’s really tacky and off-putting. “Won’t be doing that for our wedding!” she’ll think. “Really dodged a bullet there.”

Six Chix, 8/27/24

Hey, were you wondering what’s up with the Tuesday Chik, last seen being cucked by avocado toast? Well, she’s cruising for sex at pizza parties now. Sad!

Pluggers, 8/27/24

WHAT THE HELL PLUGGERS I HAVE BEEN READING YOU FOR 18 YEARS AND NEVER ONCE IN THAT TIME HAVE I THOUGHT “I WANT TO SEE A JOKE ABOUT PLUGGER CLEAVAGE” WHAT ARE YOU DOING AND HOW CAN I MAKE YOU STOP