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Mark Trail, 11/30/17

FACT: Chris “Dirty” Dyer is a notorious animal poacher who enjoys nothing more than dismembering majestic, endangered beasts for his own profit.

FACT: The Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey Circus was in its final years mired in numerous controversies regarding its mistreatment of elephants and other animals.

CONCLUSION: Chris “Dirty” Dyer was from a young age a sociopath who reveled in grotesque animal-torture entertainments.

ALTERNATE CONCLUSION: Chris “Dirty” Dyer was a normal young boy who had his ability to feel empathy for animals deadened as he watched cruel circus taskmasters heartlessly treat noble elephants as unfeeling objects while the audience members around him jeered.

FACT NOT RELATED TO THE FOREGOING BUT STILL IMPORTANT TO NOTE: The “Tingling Brothers Circus” definitely sounds like the porn parody version version of the Ringling Brothers Circus.

Mary Worth, 11/30/17

Hmm, so what I’m taking away from Iris’s dialogue in panel one is that she may not be as familiar with as wide a variety of sex acts as Zak might be accustomed to with his younger partners, but the ones she does know she knows very well, as she plans to show Zak repeatedly until Tommy gets back from Goleta 48 hours from now, Mary’s passive-aggressive notes slipped under the door about Charterstone’s noise regulations be damned.

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Mary Worth, 11/26/17

This is typical wrap-up Sunday Mary Worth with no plot forward motion, but I have to admit to being intrigued by the quote-of-the-week, putting a phrase that probably millions of humans have uttered into the mouth of former British Prime Minister John Major, who probably said it at some point. Does this presage future plot points? Will Wilbur return to Santa Royale and discover that Mary Worth, the “Iron Lady of Charterstone,” is becoming less and less popular, and manage to maneuver things so that he becomes condo association head (surprise!) despite having publicly backed Mary throughout the whole process?

Gasoline Alley, 11/26/17

I think there’s a lot to say about how Thanksgiving, which once represented an occasion to thank God for bountiful harvests in an era when nationwide food scarcity was an ever-present threat, slowly became an orgiastic, gluttonous rite as we moved into a less religious age of mechanized agriculture and endless food surpluses, and that shift is reflected in our iconography of the holiday. But until I get around to writing it, just enjoy today’s grotesque celebration of the season, in which armed turkeys intend to murder Slim and feast on his flesh and organs.

Dennis the Menace, 11/26/17

Sure, this is a trip about how much Dennis can’t wait to drink and party like a grown-up, but definitely the most menacing part is how the boldface in the final panel indicates that Henry is 100% stage whispering, clearly intending to let Dennis know that in his opinion the birth of a child is the death of fun.

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Spider-Man, 11/25/17

It’s incredibly crucial for continuity strips like Spider-Man to tie up every last narrative loose end in order to satisfy their famously nitpicky audiences. For instance, when the Parkers arrived at Dr. Connors’ lab, it was apparently abandoned, which is why our hero barged in and got womped in the face with some big metal thing that was never fully explained, actually, and then discovered that the lab was still fully occupied by Dr. Connors. But if that was the case, then where was Dr. Connors’ vehicle, huh? Surely if a sensible minivan with a bunch of crazy re-arm-ulating equipment thrown in the cargo area were parked in the front the building, Peter would’ve immediately said, “Ah ha! Dr. Connors is home, despite the apparently dilapidated state of his lab! I shall knock before entering!” Too bad for Peter that the lab comes with off-street parking, although it’s probably great for Dr. Connors, since it’s no doubt tricky to haul big pieces of equipment to and from the car with only one arm, and besides you probably shouldn’t leave a bunch of scientific gizmos with high resale value too visible in car just parked at the curb. Anyway, I look forward to learning how exactly all the windows got broken (probably by the big metal womping thing, which took a while to calibrate before it only womped intruders).

Funky Winkerbean, 11/25/17

One of my least favorite Funky Winkerbean moves (and really, it’s quite a list) is when one of the characters makes a joke, and normally you’d think that joke represented to strip’s punchline, except instead the characters then assess how corny the joke is, and that’s actually supposed to be the punchline, somehow??? Today’s strip really builds a whole emotional arc out of it, with Becky giving Harry a sly look right as she unleashes her pun in the second panel, and Harry wagging his finger as he assesses it the third. I look forward to the day where someone makes some terrible wordplay and then we just have weeks and weeks of strips analyzing it!

Mary Worth, 11/25/17

Shoutout to Pedro for adhering to the salesman’s creed: Always. Be. Closing. Sure, Wilbur just caught him making out with Wilbur’s girlfriend, who’s supposed to be his cousin, but that doesn’t necessarily mean Wilbur is closed off to prospect of buying some discounted salsa lessons. You’ll never know until you ask!