Post Content

Crankshaft, 12/22/15

One of the many things about Crankshaft I refuse to get emotionally invested in is the slow-moving romance between the title character and Mary, which is why I didn’t bother to discuss yesterday’s strip, in which he asked her out to a movie and then angrily insisted that it was too a date. I was briefly roused to anger today (which I suppose represents a kind of emotional investment) when I saw they were going to It’s A Wonderful Life, because a very early and meaningful date I had with my wife was to see that very film at the delightful Senator Theatre, and I didn’t want Crankshaft tainting those memories. The anger quickly faded into pleasing contempt, however, when I saw that (a) Crankshaft fell asleep mere minutes into their date, (b) Crankshaft is dreaming some kind of version of It’s A Wonderful Life starring himself, only instead of imagining a world where he was never born he’s just visualizing what things will be like after he dies, and (c) the most anyone can come up with in terms of mourning Crankshaft is that they “kind of miss” his hateful misanthropy.

Mary Worth, 12/22/15

Maybe the whole thing with Olive’s parents is meant to be sex-positive? Like, they’re supposed to be a young-ish couple with a healthy sex life? Sure, it always comes across as gross and distasteful, but maybe any sexuality in Mary Worth is going to come across as gross and distasteful by default?

Judge Parker, 12/22/15

I love how everyone is clustering around Judge Parker Senior trying to calm him down after he found out he might have to do more work to earn his ludicrous payday and he got real scared and mad. There, there, Judge. Don’t cry. An award! See? See this piece of paper? An award! An award from some WASPy sounding literary organization! The award is named after a precious metal! Shhhh, go to sleep, shhhhhh.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/22/15

Uhhhhh, perfect??? Has that baby gotten a six-figure book contract from a museum for drawing horsies even once? Back at home, Sarah Morgan sits bolt upright in bed, wide awake, knowing that battle is about to commence.

Post Content

Mary Worth, 12/21/15

One of the low-key weirder details out of many in this Olive storyline in Mary Worth is that Olive’s parents are vaguely implied to be bad and neglectful because they can’t stop getting their fuck on. And now Mary’s aggression on this subject is getting a lot less passive! “You two love birds keep doing what you’re doing, which is enjoying the physical aspects of the sex act without true emotional intimacy! We have things under control here, unlike you, who can’t even control your engorged genitals!”

Momma, 12/21/15

Speaking of shameful lusts, Momma’s recent strips that seem to accidentally be about incest have been so weird and disturbing that today’s installment, in which Francis has literally twisted himself into a sexual frenzy as he stares at a parade of hot ladies out his mother’s front window, is a relief, in that none of those hot ladies is his sister.

Curtis, 12/21/15

At least there’s no overt sexuality in today’s Curtis! No, Greg’s soul isn’t stirred by lust or passion of any sort. It’s not because commercialism is any worse today than it used to be, it’s just because years of adulthood have crushed his spirit and now he can’t feel.

Post Content

This the last day of me putting up banners to promote my novel, The Enthusiast, on the main blog. Thanks so much to everyone who bought it and read it! Check out the first chapter, then buy:

• The hardcover or softcover edition for $25 or $15
• The ebook edition for $8, which includes files for all devices
• And if the mood strikes, you can put some money in my tip jar

Don’t worry, though, the ad for it will always be lurking in the sidebar, patiently waiting for you to click on it.

Mary Worth, 12/20/15

Yes, Christmas dinner and Mary Worth are brought to you by Whole Foods Markets Inc.! Specifically, some Whole Foods Market Inc. that is miles away from where Olive lives in Manhattan, since all Manhattan Whole foods are on the ground floor of multistory buildings. New York can be pretty smug, but for the specific type of down home holiday sanctimony Mary’s after, you really need to get out to the suburbs, you know?

Judge Parker, 12/20/15

WAIT WHAT

JUDGE PARKER EMERITUS GOT HIS FIRST NOVEL OPTIONED AS A MOVIE, AND THEY LET HIM WRITE THE SCREENPLAY EVEN THOUGH HE HAD LITERALLY NEVER WRITTEN A SCREENPLAY BEFORE, AND NOW THE STUDIO PEOPLE WHOSE JOB IT IS TO MAKE PROFITABLE MOVIES HAVE READ IT AND THEY WANT … CHANGES???

THE CONCIERGE AT THE BUSINESS CENTER ON THE CRUISE SHIP HELPED HIM PUNCH IT UP AND EVERYTHING

DON’T THEY KNOW WHO HE IS

HOW DARE THEY