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Archive: Mary Worth

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With nobody left to eat them, their victory will be bittersweet

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Momma, 11/23/14

A genuinely disturbing scene: despite the large sign letting visitors know that this is a farm where LIVE TURKEYS are raised, Momma, declining rapidly into dementia, is unable to identify these common barnyard animals by sight. Instead of gently helping his mother out, Thomas, no doubt to get a measure of revenge for decades of controlling behavior and barely veiled contempt for his wife, gives her some weird, wordy, obtuse description. Fortunately, these angry free-range birds have dimly perceived that their honor has been slighted and will now be rising up and destroying all humanity, presumably starting with the representatives nearest to hand.

Funky Winkerbean, 11/23/14

This is a nice coda to the story of Bull’s failure to get that college coaching job: we get a reminder that everyone wants to get the hell out of this cursèd town, but nobody can quite figure out how to do it.

Mary Worth, 11/23/14

I was going to make some joke about Mary Worth finding its true level by rejecting quotes from highbrow French philosophers and just going with Nicholas Sparks, but then I visualized Hanna enjoying a little post-coital flute-playing in Sean’s room only to be shushed by some busybody Somerset employee and my mind literally exploded with happiness.

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As long as we’re not talking about Mary’s sex life, I’m good

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Mary Worth, 11/19/14

Let me be clear: I may joke about this increasingly less coded elderotica storyline in Mary Worth, but, as someone with aspirations to someday be old and to also continue to be sexually active, I am 100% in favor of it. Today we learn helpful techniques! If you think your partner has mobility issues, let them set the pace. There are a wide variety of different kinds of movement that can feel good!

Luann, 11/19/14

Speaking of the love lives of non-youths, this virtual surprise party has resulted in the shocking revelation that Gunther’s mom is … maybe coming back from a date with … some … guy? Anyway, this is pretty disappointing if you’ve been shipping Gunther’s mom and Quill as hard as I have.

Six Chix, 11/19/14

I am 100% not in favor of this cartoon. Ha ha it’s funny because … the bird-mom is keeping her eggs warm by frying them in a pan? To eat??? THIS IS MONSTROUS. ALL SIX OF YOU CHIX ARE MONSTERS. I KNOW ONLY ONE OF YOU DREW THIS, BUT THE REST ARE TAINTED BY ASSOCIATION.

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Soapy Tuesday

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Mark Trail, 11/18/14

Did Mark almost get eaten by a bull shark last week? Yep! Did I completely ignore it? Sure did! Am I only revisiting today’s strip because Mark and Cherry are again lounging around sexily in sexy bathing suits? Heck yeah! Guess who has several beautiful areas? Mark and Cherry Trail, that’s who! Sure wouldn’t want to do any mining near them and spoil their “natural beauty,” nudge wink. This a Chastely Erotic Mark Trail Fanblog until further notice. (Further notice will come when Mark punches somebody.)

Mary Worth, 11/18/14

Mary Worth, meanwhile, is not so much chastely erotic as frankly erotic. This elderly pair sure aren’t wasting any time! Why bother going out and wasting precious oxygen and Social Security money at some fancy restaurant when you could just go right to Sean’s apartment and have him “make you a mean tuna sandwich,” if you know what I mean? I mean he’s going to make her a tuna sandwich, you perverts. Old people love tuna sandwiches, they’re nutritious and they don’t take much chewing. They’re totally gonna have crazy sex after they eat, though.

Apartment 3-G, 11/18/14

Margo’s free! Free to do whatever she wants, without interference or emotional entanglements of any sort! I certainly hope that one of the many things her assistant Sam has on his plate is the role of pretending to be Margo when talking to Gabriella, presumably by wearing a bun-wig and talking in a falsetto.