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Gasoline Alley, 11/22/24

Oh, sorry kids, looks like you’re going to slowly suffocate to death as your spaceship goes dark and circles Mars in an erratic orbit that will take centuries to decay. You know, you could’ve avoided all this if you had taken Ida Knoe the evil talking doll up on her offer to show you the solar system. Your voyage with her would’ve been made possible by demonic power from the depths of Hell itself, which unlike “electricity” or whatever isn’t subject to various physical laws and limitations that could leave you in a situation like this. Hindsight, though, am I right?

Pluggers, 11/22/24

As a coastal elitist, I guess I’m not really conversant on plugger standards of masculinity, but before today I would’ve assumed that “you’re so feeble you need household tools to open a simple carton of milk” would be the sort of thing they’d use to make fun of me, not something they’d proudly declare, in the newspaper in front of God and everyone, to be something that defined their pluggerdom.

Dick Tracy, 11/22/24

“Kid, you don’t get it. Tracy’s already gotten rid of the regular crime! Now he’s going after building code violations! And he’s going after them with his gun!”

Mary Worth, 11/22/24

Happy Friday, everyone! Hope you were looking for a panel of Mary and Jeff passionately closed-mouthed kissing to start your weekend off right! Wait, what’s that? You weren’t? You actually find it extremely off-putting? Well, tough shit. I have to look at this stuff and now so do you.

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Mary Worth, 11/21/24

This whole week has been about everyone (“everyone” being Toby and Dawn, admittedly) getting jazzed as hell about Thanksgiving, because Mary will be doing her famous home cooking for them, as is tradition now, apparently. Just like she did for Ed and Estelle’s wedding! Except today we’re learning that in fact that was a web of lies; Mary simply went to Off-Brand Costco, bought a shrimp tray, poured a can of shrimp cocktail into a mason jar next to it, and called it a day! She refused to rotisserie that chicken for the taquitos herself, but rather purchased one pre-rotisseried! What kind of “traditionalist” is she? Is just going to throw down a stack of freshly microwaved Hungry-Man® turkey dinners on the table next Thursday and dare anyone to argue about it?

Family Circus, 11/21/24

Oh, can Jeffy not play hide and seek because he can’t count? Well, then why was he playing hide and seek in this very strip mere weeks ago???? Finally, we have caught the Family Circus in a vile lie so blatant and hypocritical that it will have no choice but to cease publication forever. We did it, everbody! We got them!

Gearhead Gertie, 11/21/24

We’ve all had some fun with Gertie’s NASCAR monomania over the last … actually, I don’t know how long it’s been published, because it doesn’t have a Wikipedia article, which, you know, fair! It probably doesn’t deserve one! I don’t fall into the “deletionist” Wikipedia philosophical camp necessarily but I don’t think a Gearhead Gertie article is necessary, as convenient as it would’ve been for me to refer to it for this post. Point is, though, it’s been a while, and there’s only so much material we can get out of “Gertie sure loves NASCAR,” so it makes sense that the strip is actually pivoting towards “Gertie’s husband sure hates how much Gertie loves NASCAR, like you can tell it’s destroying their marriage and every day he dies a little bit more inside, but she she can’t see it.”

UPDATE: God bless you, “Gertie Fan,” aka Dclemens1971, for your Wikipedia service!

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Gil Thorp, 11/14/24

I don’t know why but it infuriates me that Marty is casually dropping “P.I.O.” into his patter. We get it, Marty, you know that they’re called “public information officers” and not “press secretaries” now, you’re very in the know and up to date and yet you still couldn’t convince them to violate HIPAA and tell you what’s wrong with Gil Thorp’s heart and brain, blah blah blah.

Mary Worth, 11/14/24

“Wouldn’t that be wild? Wouldn’t that be crazy! Ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!” [the waiter arrives; Mary and Jeff order their usual dishes and spend the rest of the evening eating in silence]

Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/14/24

“You seein’ the pattern here, buddy? Long story short, I need you to hit me in the head with this shovel as hard you can. I’ll be rich!”