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Gil Thorp, 5/10/23

Still not sure what a “Milford juvenile sports program manager” is or does, but apparently it pays pretty well, enough to get a penthouse at the Gaston (?) Building in Milford’s hip, historic warehouse district. Although based on the anecdote we’ve stumbled into, which involves a teen singing Cab Calloway music, it’s possible that Kaz and Gil are just immortal and eternally young and have been coaching youth athletics for at least 80 years, and Kaz might simply derive his riches from decades of compound interest.

Dennis the Menace, 5/10/23

So if I’m interpreting this right, Henry is getting a birthday cake at a “party” attended only by his wife and son, who he sees every day anyway, and his son proclaims that he “took care of the icing!” for a cake that fairly obviously has no icing. The overall bleakness is in fact quite menacing!

Hi and Lois, 5/10/23

In a conference room at Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC, a grim-faced business analyst is pointing at a PowerPoint slide with a graph on it. One line, labelled Marvin, keeps going up; another, labelled Hi and Lois, is in steady decline. Several of the assembled staff members are weeping openly, but others are clearly resolving themselves to do what they must.

Mary Worth, 5/10/23

Wow, this is quite a large boat that Jeff’s purchased, one that could accommodate a good number of passengers. Too bad they don’t have any friends! Seriously, who’s going to get an invite? Wilbur? Ian? Dr. Jeff’s son Dr. Drew lives with him so I’m sure they see quite enough of one another for everyone’s tastes. Guess he should’ve thought of that before he emptied out his 401k just to feel like a big shot for a single moment!

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Daddy Daze, 5/9/23

Daddy Daze is one of the more recent additions to my stable of commented upon comics, and yet I have been commenting on it for more than three years. As a non-child-haver, I am not an expert on child development, but I feel reasonably confident in asserting that the Daddy Daze baby is not, in fact, three years old, and I feel also confident (albeit slightly less so) that a parent would, if given a chance to to keep their child stuck at one particular stage of development for years, and possibly forever, choose this one. Anyway, I wouldn’t be thinking about any of this if the Daddy Daze daddy hadn’t brought up a specific if unnamed date printed on that granola bar wrapper, which I now desperately want to see, though I can’t decide if it would simply resolve into a new and plausible-in-the-moment date every time I looked at it, or if it would shimmer and shift just at the edge of legibility, somehow making it impossible for my eyes to ever focus on it.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 5/9/23

Ha ha, it’s funny because Snuffy is desperately ill, and the only way to get medical attention is for his wife to carry him for miles along a rough dirt track in a wheelbarrow, which will only compound his misery and may kill him!

Mary Worth, 5/9/23

Wow! Looks like Dr. Jeff’s new Medicare fraud scheme is going great.

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Mary Worth, 5/8/23

Welp, looks like Ed and Estelle are happy and Ed’s workplace problems are squared away, and Wilbur is emotionally processing his heartbreak the best he can (i.e., not particularly well), so it’s time for a new adventure … a nautical adventure, for Jeff and Mary. What surprise does Dr. Jeff have for his longtime beau? Is this going to be yet another failed marriage proposal? Or is he going to take Mary to the private island he recently acquired, where he can hunt men for sport without meddling Big Government getting in his way?

Gil Thorp, 5/8/23

Meanwhile, Gil is bringing his mother to see one of the little games he coaches, so she can die in the pleasant afternoon air, knowing her son could’ve been a doctor or lawyer or something but instead decided to do this, and do it pretty half-assed.

Dick Tracy, 5/8/23

It feels on-brand for Dick Tracy that this guy is threatening to set off an explosive device in a crowded exhibition hall and all the talk is about the potential damage to a rare World War II-era Monopoly game. “No! No! Our blood and viscera will be smeared all over these collectables! Their condition will have to be downgraded to ‘Fair’ and their resale value will plummet!”

Pluggers, 5/8/23

On January 12, 2007, the nationally syndicated newspaper panel Pluggers declared that the front of a refrigerator, covered with various notes and such held up by magnets, was “a plugger’s MySpace.” Today, MySpace is long gone, but Pluggers? It’s still going strong — plugging away, if you will, bringing joy to newspaper readers everywhere. What I’m trying to say is that TikTok is on notice.