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Mary Worth, 6/5/10

Mary Worth is always just throwing quotation marks around sentences and pretending they’re chunks of profound wisdom, but in this case, that’s a real quote from five-time NBA MVP Bill Russell, at least according to a citationless collection of Bill Russell quotes on the Internet. The question is, why did Mary fail to credit the Celtics great for his deep thoughts on love and loving? Is she afraid that the good doctor isn’t a basketball fan and will think less of her because she follows such frivolous things as professional sports? Does she fear that her familiarity with a professional athlete active in the ’50s and ’60s will mark her out as elderly in the eyes of this young whippersnapper that she’s trying to bed? Or does she just obsessively read books of quotations, committing the quotes to memory but not the quotees?

Dr. Roberts’ own thought balloon is a little ominous. “Hmm, this woman, with her preternatural grasp of human nature, seems to have determined rather quickly that I’m a sociopath incapable of feeling anything for my fellow human beings! She wasn’t on my list of people to hunt and kill for sport, but I guess I’ll have to add her.”

Spider-Man, 6/5/10

“I’m turning off the light so you can’t see the copious weeping that will inevitably arise from my many, many pointless insecurities about our relationship!”

Oh, hey, and it looks like it’s a full-on Rusty-horror weekend!

Panel from Mark Trail, 6/5/10

AHHH AHHH HIS EYES ARE INFINITE BLACK POOLS OF GRIEF AND PAIN

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Mary Worth, 6/4/10

Whoah, this plot is only in its infancy and already it’s going completely off the rails. Mary, refusing believe that anyone might not want to be heteronormally coupled up for all time forever, thrusts an accusing finger directly into Dr. Roberts’s non-loving face. The good doctor, a highly trained psychologist, knows a complete lunatic when he sees one, and has decided that his only hope is to feign insanity himself; he launches into a series of obsessive-compulsive tics, rubbing the back of his head and patting his chest while dancing aimlessly around the room, hoping that Mary will be terrified enough to flee. Ha ha, doctor, it’ll take more than that to shake her off!

Luann, 6/4/10

I’m not ashamed to admit that I find this newfound friendship just a little bit heartwarming, which makes sense because I’ve come to loathe all the main characters in Luann so much that I feel quite affectionate towards the ancillary characters whose main job is to irritate the DeGroots et al. Still, I’m a little unsettled to learn that TJ, who’s supposed to be, what, 23? 24?, considers 15 to be the entry level of his dating range.

And finally, I send you off on your weekend with a full-sized dose of Rusty-horror!

Panel from Mark Trail, 6/4/10

Ha ha, try looking at those freakishly wide eyes and those stubby fingers and not getting the heebie-jeebies!

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Crock, 6/2/10

So I’m in the midst of a minor fixation on the geography of the Crock universe, which I dearly hope passes soon. But, while I’m being tortured with it, I may as well share it with you! Today’s baffling segment of physical space is what I assume to be the command center of Crock’s Legionnaire post. This appears to be a vast, unadorned concrete chamber; its only contents are work areas for Crock and his adjutant, which are separated by a good twenty feet of emptiness. The exterior of the fort appears primitive, so I’m assuming this windowless chamber isn’t air conditioned; therefore, we must assume that Crock and Poulet spend their days shouting at each other through the thick, unspeakably hot air, their words echoing off the bare walls. Thus, the fort’s architecture duplicates — and perhaps exacerbates — the brutality of the colonial regime that it houses and represents.

Family Circus, 6/2/10

Uh oh, it looks like Billy’s managed to somehow get a hold of some off-Kompound knowledge, possibly from one of the devil’s own “books”! It’s totally in character for the Keane eldest to use some hard-won nugget of information to prove his superiority over his little brother, but his use of it here is weirdly contextless. Wouldn’t it be easier to make Jeffy feel stupid by pointing out that his attempts to color on a piece of paper that isn’t laid on a surface are doomed to failure? As it is, Jeffy is given an opportunity to offer up one of his trademarked defiantly ignorant comebacks.

Mary Worth, 6/2/10

Her work with Bonnie and Ernie complete, Mary has decided to jump right into another meddle without even the rest-period denoted by a pool party. This is a physically demanding choice — you can see that she’s checking her pulse to make sure that her body can handle it — but she’s highly motivated to reach a new pinnacle of her craft.

Pluggers, 6/2/10

Pluggers have no friends. The people pluggers think are their friends are just those acquaintances too polite to abruptly break off conversations and walk away, no matter how much they want to. Once these people have managed to extract themselves from a plugger’s awkward grip, any promises of future social interaction that were offered up in order to smooth their exit are immediately forgotten.