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Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/27/10

Oh my gosh, have I really not commented on Rex Morgan for more than a month? Well, a lot happened in that time! Toots told June that all of Brook’s crazy stories about her drunken abusive mother were true, and then the nail salon lady gave Brook the day’s receipts to take to the bank, and Brook said she got robbed, and the cop didn’t seem to believe her but June showed up and did her Icy Death Glare thing at him and he scurried off. This really is a lot, for a soap opera comic strip!

Anyway, I will say this for Rex Morgan, M.D., and the other Woody Wilson-penned strip, Judge Parker: Generally speaking their plot outcomes are not painfully obvious a week into the storyline, the way they are in, say, Mary Worth or Mark Trail. We were discussing the current RMMD plot at this past weekend’s get-together, and I tentatively guessed that Brook was running some scam; I now tentatively believe she’s telling the truth, and am overjoyed to find that she will be vindicated by one of RMMD’s trademarked wacky walk-on characters: J. Elhew Bisbee, Hobo Detective! I’m only seeing about sixty percent of this dude’s face and I’m already in love with him. See those glasses? He won them from some irritating hipster, in a knife fight.

Pluggers, 5/27/10

Here are my three interpretations of this dynamic, in order of decreasing charity:

• Pluggers have crippling social anxiety and don’t want to interact with strangers unless they absolutely have to.
• Pluggers’ bodies are so bloated and creaky that getting out of a car seat is a painful exercise, so why bother doing it if there isn’t cheap food as a reward for the effort?
• Pluggers like making their wives do irritating little errands for them, as it is the only moment of power they feel over the course of their sad, pathetic day.

Mary Worth, 5/27/10

Say what you will about Mary, but she’s willing to see her meddle-missions through to the end, even at great personal cost to herself. Here, for instance, she pauses to do important meddling follow-up with Bonnie, despite the fact that she’s just been stabbed in the neck.

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It’s another fun Sunday of individual panels from individual strips! Let’s see what’s up. Say, has Mary ingested some kind of powerful mood-altering drug that has caused her to pupils to dilate to pinpricks as she blathers on about sunny nothingness?

Panel from Mary Worth, 5/23/10

Sure looks like it!

Panel from Crock, 5/23/10

Crock trufans of course know that the strip’s title character’s full name is “Vermin P. Crock.” This is hard information to come by for the casual reader, because his terrified underlings never refer to him by first name; apparently only the local man of God has that privilege. So, for the 99 percent of humanity who is not aware of this Crockiana factoid, it would appear that Crock is being verbally abused by a priest, which would actually fit in nicely with the general attitude of cruelty that defines the world of the strip.

Panel from Apartment 3-G, 5/23/10

This is the same A3G fight that’s been happening all week, but it’s nice to see a comically rendered narration box breaking up the ennui. Perhaps it’s a phenomenon related to this classic Margo word balloon.

Panel from Curtis, 5/23/10

Yes, many elementary-age children have the name of a special effects artist whose work last appeared in a major full-length motion picture 29 years ago right on the tips of their tongues. Barry is a true cineaste and student of film history, which is why he complains so much about the terrible movies Curtis drags him to, I guess.

And hey, is Mary still tweaking along at full blast?

Panel from Mary Worth, 5/23/10

Looks like it!

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Mary Worth and Gil Thorp, 5/20/10

A pair of truly nightmare-fueling visages in today’s comics! Dr. Jeff has chosen exactly the wrong evening to come out of his hidey-hole and once again eat thawed-out halibut with his paramour, as Mary is clearly in the throes of a meddling binge. Eyes the size of dinner plates, she rapturously details her intention to not only “help” poor Bonnie with her problems, but to change the woman’s very essence so that it’s more in line with what Mary expects and demands from a human who’s fallen haplessly into her orbit. Jeff almost looks taken aback in the first panel as he takes in Mary’s meddle-glow. I thought that my sacrifice was enough, he thinks. I thought that by submitting to her requirements, I would keep the rest of humanity safe. But now I see that she’ll never be satisfied.

Meanwhile, in Gil Thorp, country star/weirdo Slim Chance is giving Cassie advice on undoing the pariah status she earned by scheduling an abortive elopement the day her basketball team was playing its Big Game. Said advice seems to have mostly consisted of “Be nice to the girls who hate you with good reason,” and today we see it’s finally worked — with Ashley Aiello, last seen as a wrongly accused suspect in the great Nutboy caper. Ashley went through her own social trials in the wake of that incident, if I’m remembering correctly, and the way her head swivels raptor-like towards the sound of her name in the final panel is frankly creeping me out. “POSSIBLE FRIEND?” she thinks, her eyes lighting up like high-powered laser beams.

Pluggers, 5/20/10

It’s sad when Pluggers can’t even master something simple, like the rhythms of how ordinary down-home Americans (or freakish man-animals, in this case) actually talk. It’s the lack of a contraction, “you will” instead of “you’ll”, that’s really setting me off; it sounds to me like nothing so much as a line that would be delivered by some stereotypical Jewish pawn broker in a movie made in the ’30s. This may be a defense mechanism, though: perhaps my inability to hear “will” as anything other than “vill” is preventing me from seeing the stilted sentence construction as an exaggerated faux-courtly pass, which will in short order lead to plugger-on-plugger coupling, right there on the hair-strewn linoleum.