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Mary Worth, (panels), 4/19/09

OK, we already knew Mary Worth speech balloons could have thoughts. But who knew those thoughts could themselves have other thoughts? Are they self-aware? Do they wake each morning drenched in sweat at the horror that they are second-order thought balloons in Mary Worth, and moan in heartsick agony for lack of a pin? And, y’know, fingers?

Meanwhile . . . it looks like Ted has come to his own stark realization — and his thought balloons are shouting “Get the hell outta Dodge”, all the way down.

Pack, Ted, pack! Pack like you’ve never packed before!

Rex Morgan, M.D. (panels), 4/19/09

To understand the dysfunctional dynamics of the Morgans, you’ve got to look past appearances. Despite her sippy cup and daisy-themed eyewear and apparel, Sarah has accepted the role of “adult” in the family, even though Rex still wears the pants. At least for the moment.

Run, Willie, run!

Slylock Fox (panel), 4/19/09

Psst . . . Cassandra — call him “Queenie”!

Judge Parker, 4/19/09

Finally, I must post in its full glory this epochal Judge Parker featuring Randy’s first day on the bench. Judge Randy breezed straight past Judge Sparky and Judge Donny into “Courtroom #1” — but the real decisions are made out back when the pals get together in their keen treehouse “Judge Club.” It’s exclusive — like the sign says, “No Girlz Alowd!” And that suits Randy just fine.

OK, that’s it for me! Josh gets home from vacation late Sunday, and maybe probably could get around to posting again sometime Monday or hey what was that noise my my look at the time oooh shiny!

I had a fun week — thanks!

— Uncle Lumpy

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Gil Thorp, 4/17/09

One of the many charms of Gil Thorp is its punctilious attention to the names of players, teams, and incidental characters whom we may never see again and will certainly never care about! Rich, here, for example, or WHCC, the fictitious one-step-above-public-access Milford TV station (and not the actual Bloomington, IN country FM radio station). But “Spartans” seems a little off for the St. Mark’s team — shouldn’t it be the “Lions” or the “Friars” or something? Hey, the “Notaries” would be a great name for a ball team!

Shoe, 4/17/09

Shoe ups the ante on “that is not how birds work” humor.

Beetle Bailey, 4/17/09

When does anvil season start? Soon, right? Please?

Mary Worth, 4/17/09

“That’s not love — that’s not even coherent.” But hey, do you suppose Doc Jeff ran a background check on his beloved Mary? And if so, what dark mysteries did he uncover?

Judge Parker, 4/17/09

I basically got nuthin’ here — a little more exposition on the The Fabulous Ledge-Danube/Rasmussen-Akermans to run out the clock on a slow week, tempered as always by Eduardo Barreto’s handsome draftsmanship. But thanks in no small part to determined rabble-rousing by faithful reader Dave and others, and a rousing response by us cookie-clearin’ survey-stuffin’ rabble, Judge Parker has been reinstated by The Washington Post. Way to go!

— Uncle Lumpy

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Far be it from this blog to neglect one of its core missions: monitoring the glacial progress of legacy soap strips, so you don’t have to. Because believe me, you don’t want to! Let’s dive right in:

Apartment 3-G, 4/15/09

In Apartment 3-G, aimless maniac Doc Joe rushes to rekidnap his children after leaving them in Tommie’s care. But Doc Joe is confused: Tommie‘s not the dope — that’s LuAnn! Tommie is the pushover. You’d think somebody who looks like everybody else would see the differences — hell, they’re color-coded for you! At least nobody mixes up Margo. Not more than once, anyway.

As for Tommie’s logic in panels two and three: “Joe will be pleased I’ve surrendered his children to the vicious harpy who calls him a rat and warns me to lock the door. Oh, listen — here he is now!” Ha ha — what a dope!

Mary Worth, 4/15/09

But has there ever been a dope like Adrian? In the space of a few days, she learns some guy she met on a Santa Royale Fan Site:

1. claims to be a victim of identity theft
2. claims to have been bilked by a crooked partner
3. can’t make good on his ostentatious promise to her father
4. claims to have been laid off from his long-time flashy job
5. claims to have a sister in hock to the Mob
6. presses her to wire fifty large to said sister
7. never really had that flashy job anyway.

“B – b – but he calls me ‘Queenie'”!

Judge Parker, 4/15/09

In Judge Parker, we’re spending the week buffing the reputations of Rocky Ledge and Godiva Danube: it’s only Wednesday, and already the couple could elbow aside Venerable John Henry Newman in the canonization line. Good lookers, green energy entrepreneurs, economic saviors of Parkerville, with geeky names, six adopted children, and success in their chosen careers — plus supporters of the troops and plain ol’ rural folk to boot! Farmin’ folk! Boy Howdy!

“Wussat, Bru? Another Nobel Prize? Sheee-it! Whut’s thiss’n for? Litrichur? Bodacious! Cain’t even spell it, and now I are one! Throw it on the dang pile with Peace and Economics, and pop me anuther cold one, woncha darlin’ — NASCAR‘s on!”

Drăguţ vreme, everybody!

— Uncle Lumpy