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Your COTW is coming momentarily, but I have several items to share with you first — and a couple of them are about ME! First: do many of you use the Twitter? After much badgering, I, too have begun to use the Twitter! I am jfruh in those parts, and you may now follow me there for fun times! I will let you know when this blog updates, will clue you in on writing of mine that appears elsewhere, and will give you 140-character glimpses into my inner life.

But what if you wanted to find out about all that stuff in increments longer than 140 characters? Well, my friends, then you’d have to start reading my blog, the Josh Fruhlinger Experience. I’ve been thinking for a while about starting a blog of my very own — because while I am a professional blogger, I do try to keep the Comics Curmudgeon focused more or less on comics-related curmudgeonry. The Josh Fruhlinger Experience will serve as the place where I do all the things that most people do with their blogs — enthuse about local and national entertainment, blather half-informed about politics, post pictures of my cat, etc. I’ll also have news about other projects and events that I’m involved in; half the point of doing this new blog is to give me an incentive to come up with exciting events and projects to blog about. I can’t promise it’ll be updated every day, so you’ll want to subscribe to the RSS feed, obviously. And, uh, I’ll probably be linking to the more interesting bits on Twitter. And I’ll probably still post random non-comics-related stuff here too, although I might be more likely to just give you pointers to the other blog.

Also! There are things you should know about that are not wholly me-related! First of all, I have been meaning to alert you to the fact that there is now a My Cage Cafepress store, since I know many of you enjoy this comic (whose writer Ed Power is an occasional commentor here).

And! Faithful reader Highway pointed me to the hilarious Depression Funnies, from Ruben Bolling. Learn how Mark Trail will be getting through the hard economic times!

In addition! The LA Times insists on being awesome by continuing to post classic comics pages from years past. They just put up one from 1959, which contained this amazing Judge Parker, where we learn that college has transformed future judge Randy into a colossal tool:

And, finally: you might recall that a throwaway joke I made about Hi and Lois became a fantastic movie treatment, They Buried Beethoven Alive!, put together by faithful readers Captain Thunder and Comrade Denny in the comments. Faithful reader John Wood collected their work in one easy-to-read Google Docs document, making him a true American hero.

And now, without further ado … your COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

“Oddly enough, I sympathize with Crankshaft’s daughter. I also find stoned people annoying.” –J

And your runners-up! Very funny!

“I can’t think of anything as soul crushing as being nominated for the Westview High School Hall of Fame. I wonder, does the induction ceremony end with everyone swallowing a cyanide capsule?” –JHPants

“I think the Crankshaft mom is horrified that her daughter isn’t showing ‘anything’; hence, her last dreams of showing off her daughter’s prime young body to the highest social class she’ll ever socialize with (high school grads) will be shot, leaving her destined to a more typical Crankshaftian lifestyle.” –pccmdoc

“You should judge Mary Worth by her having chosen to dress like an undertaker for her volunteer job at the hospital.” –gnome de blog

“I have two theories about the blue-sheeted lump in the Room Beyond. It could be Ted, himself, once a con artist, now a patient at Mountview Hospital where he lingers near death after he is injured in a prison yard shanking at the Santa Royale Center for Attitude Adjustment. In this case, the plot will involve Adrian’s shock at recognizing her new patient and her sudden realization that she loves Ted still, in spite of all his faults. On the other hand, it could be that the Room Beyond is really the cafeteria and the blue lump is just an industrial quantity of the type of amorphous foodstuffs we’re so used to seeing in Mary Worth.” –Charterstoned

“The Morgans spend their time alone in the room with their legs crossed. Geez, no wonder these two always act frustrated. They don’t even know where or how to begin.” –True Fable

“Graduation Day in Funky Winkerbean would find the boys wearing hospital gowns and the girls wearing burial shrouds.” –Perky Bird

“In a pitiful display of Stockholm Syndrome, Margo’s assistant has tragically tried to duplicate her oppressor/employer’s appearance but has failed miserably and instead looks like the abandoned offspring of Moe Howard and Marcie from Peanuts.” –Joe Blevins

“Dinner and a movie for under 20 bucks? Where did Beetle and Miss Buxley go on their date? 1973?” –Patrick

“We’ll see who’s about to die … when I disturb the feng shui of this Hammacher Schlemmer Desktop Executive Zen Garden by raking all the patterns out of the sand!” –Holy Prepuce

“I dunno, I think Detective Sherbertblazer would be a good match for Adrian. The fact that he asked her out while conducting an investigation into her recently-arrested fiance without considering the emotional or professional implications indicates that his complete lack of common sense is equal to her own.” –TheDiva

“I’m just creeped out by Peter greeting Aunt May with ‘Hi pretty lady.’ I like to think she responds with the grammatically awkward and unnatural ‘Did you sleep here also last night?’ because it makes her a little uncomfortable as well, and not because she thinks that’s an acceptable way to speak English.” –Canaduck

“If Adrian chose that haircut, Adrian cannot be allowed to choose a life mate.” –Cranky

“The point is, when you’re a dead-eyed ancillary character in Mary Worth with hair like an ink helmet clinging mercilessly to your skull, you’re probably going to need a way to find exceptionally desperate guys if you’re ever going to get any action at all. So yeah, why not let your dad scare off all the normal, sane men before you waste your time on them?” –Trilobite

“I have spent some time in hospitals and I have to say that if I had been wheeled back to my room after some horrendous procedure to discover Mary Worth and some strange — ‘strange’ meaning ‘batshit nuts’ — doctor carrying on a prayer revival next to my bed, I wouldn’t have looked nearly as chipper as that poor sap in the wheelchair.” –Farley’s Revenge

“I’d hate to miss the fun … but since this is Judge Parker, I guess there’s not a whole lot of danger of that.” –Pozzo

“Don’t forget, Ces: when Sal is finally committed, Ted will be free to pursue Aria. Or become an eccentric shut-in who collects original Go-bots, including the rare South American releases. Thankfully, from what we know about Aria, these two fates are not mutually exclusive.” –Master Softheart

“This is the second or third day that Judge Parker has not featured attractive, scantily clad women, and without them, the strip has lost all of its appeal. It’s just a bunch of upper-class jerks (with porn star names) talking about their next lucrative contract, or their next pointless purchase; it’s essentially the illustrated version of The Wall Street Journal. Which means that, at its finest (with scantily clad women), Judge Parker is really just The Wall Street Journal Swimsuit Edition.” –Alan’s Addiction

“Dr. Jeff sure is suspicious of the detective who, after all, was kind enough to save his daughter from marrying a grifter. Could it be he’s worried that the good detective will deduce that Dr. Corey’s been prescribing himself ever-increasing amounts chlorpromazine and other powerful psychotropic drugs to deal with the self-loathing and despair he feels for dating Mary Worth? It’s not much of a deduction, though. More of a foregone conclusion.” –Comrade Denny

“Assuming the giant midpanel white space in Blondie is deliberate and not an insult to panel composition, the joke is obviously that in the first two panels Dagwood was trying and failing to smash through the walls à la Kool-Aid Man.” –Dragon of Life

“Also, I think Gabriella is Generic, not Hispanic. So ‘uno momento’, and for that matter, ‘uno memento’, are perfectly grammatical.” –Uncle Lumpy

Big thanks go to those who put some cash into my tip jar! And thanks must also go to my advertisers:

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I know, I try to keep my metapost material confined to the COTW post, but there are a couple of items that CAN’T WAIT! Well, one of them literally can’t wait, and the other one is just funny.

First, the one that literally can’t wait. Remember that Shortpacked Funky Winkerbean spoof I linked to a few days back? Well, now you can own the original art! Bid for it on eBay! Bidding ends tomorrow!

Not that I want to know what you’ll be doing with a drawing of Les and Cayla gettin’ it on while Ghost Lisa watches. It’s your life, pervert.

Also! Faithful reader Marisa wrote me with something intriguing:

I work in the back room of a major corporate bookstore, and you can imagine my surprise when I found Spider-Man Versus Electro… the children’s book staring up at me from the bottom of a box. I thumbed through it and even more surprisingly, Electro is actually defeated by Spider-Man instead of just being guilt tripped into submission. In fact, Tommy doesn’t even seem to exist in this universe. Spider-Man employs the use of rubber boots and a water main to take him down. The first couple pages are devoted to Peter Parker fantasizing about using his powers on one of his peers, by whom he is relentlessly bullied. It is never brought up again. He finds out about Electro while watching the ginormous TV in Times Square, I don’t know if that’s better or worse than yelling at the TV alone in his aunt’s basement.

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Your CsOTW momentarily, but first a couple of important items! The first, sent to me by several faithful readers, is from Shortpacked artist David Willis. You may know him as the genius behind the Finger-Quotin’ Margo shirt, and such strips as “Funky CancerCancer” and “My Mother Is F’in Insane.” Today, he brings you “Funky CreepyCreepy.” It’s … pretty much you’d think, based on the title.

Also, fans of soap opera strips (which I assume all of you are) will enjoy these podcastifications of romance strips! Thanks to faithful reader Sage Tyrtle for the tip.

And now … your comment of the week!

“Mary recognizes that a dramatic event has occurred without her involvement and, in mourning, wears black.” –150

And your runners-up:

“As for the Pluggers, they’re all hard-of-hearing, so this all-caps entry is just a more authentic glimpse into their lives. They’ve got to shout at one another just to hear themselves.” –the scientist

“We love how Diana Palmer, power-suited urban sophisticate in real life, lounges around with her spandex-clad hubby. We’re all for dressing nicely, but that designer Oona Oop number and gold armbands looks both uncomfortable and très précieuse for casual cavewear.” –Fashion Police

“As other commenters have suggested, it does seem likely this Janet Brookins is some relative of the Chief Plugger, most likely his wife, I would think. If so, does that mean he thinks of himself as the morose corpulent hound to his wife’s querulous bloated chicken?” –Violet

“IT IS RUSTY! Finally! It’s the BEST DAY EVER!” –TheCasey

“I’m endlessly amused by Margo’s use of a cell phone. She clearly thinks it’s some kind of walkie talkie that she can shout orders into. I haven’t been reading the strip very long, so the only part of her backstory I know is that she was a highly-trained assassin left behind in Vietnam after the war. I like how you can see bits of it in the confused but militaristic way she handles modern technology. It’s brilliantly drawn.” –Les of the Jungle Patrol

“Don’t despair, Dennis’ dad; I think Chicken Lady Plugger might be up for a little action. A handful of feed corn, and you’re in like the Colonel!” –Pozzo

“Actually I would have summed up today’s Pluggers as ‘Pluggers are dying, and they’re dying to tell you about it.'” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“I recommend panel 3 be recycled for a storyline in which Mark does a genital self-examination.” –Joe Blevins

“Pluggers only hock the TV after they run out of redundant organs to sell.” –Muffaroo

“I personally look forward to the strip that reveals Mark Trail has fists that erupt from his eyes.” –Rebochan

“A thought balloon would suggest that Mark has some kind of inner life, which he does not. He climbs, he races, he punches, he looks, he pokes up the fire, he talks aloud. He does not think.” –the good ship thetis

“Marital relations? I was under the impression that Mark Trail releases spores.” –Aging Hipster

“Whoa, Adrian, I don’t know what you put in those cupcakes, but it sure made your kitchen go all non-Euclidean on us.” –wagmore barkless

“You are your mother’s daughter, that’s for sure! Now, stand still while I take a hair sample, because simple math shows how unlikely it is that you’re also mine.” –BigTed

“As Adrian stares into her gloomy future, Jeff obediently repeats the words dictated to him by the tiny device in his ear.” –Poteet

“You have to feel bad for Herb. How can a man who doesn’t understand the concept of proper nouns be expected to explain anything?” –Wasabi Jane

“I like the fact that Jeffy seems mortified by Dolly’s ‘extravagant’ offer of cold cereal to Mommy on her special day. I suspect he suggested to the others that they make pancakes and bacon, or perhaps cheese blintzes, for her, and now he has to wear one of PJ’s snugglies, to hide the bruises.” –bats :[

“Your father told me about Ted. I’m so sorry! Let me recap your personal misfortune here in your workplace, within earshot of all of your friends, co-workers, and patients!” –Harold

“I like the lines of suck coming from the half Spiderman in the throwaway panel. It’s all like ‘We know! He’s terrible. And stinky.'” –Sarah

“Has … has Tommie’s entire life been leading up to Han Solo cosplay? The haircut, like Harrison Ford … the face that would look more appropriate on Harrison Ford … the complete lack of femininity, like Harrison Ford…” –Dragon of Life

“The economy is hurting the Hi and Lois characters worse than I thought: Hi is drinking cold beans straight from the can. I think Ditto’s reaction is a double whammy of ‘They buried Beethoven ALIVE?!’ and stepping into the noxious plume behind his father’s ass.” –survivor

“Wow, Brad is flushing his shot at pity sex right down the toilet. And Toni won’t even help him.” –Digger

And you should actually go back to yesterday’s thread and read Captain Thunder and Comrade Denny’s on-the-fly collaborative opus They Buried Beethoven Alive!, which takes my one-off joke to its hilarious conclusion over multiple posts. Just search on their names, alternatingly.

I give prodigious thanks to those who put some money in my tip jar — you know who you are! I’d also thank our advertisers … if there were any who bought BlogAds ads, and who thus get thanked every week! Sadly, there aren’t any this week — maybe next week I’ll be thanking you! To find out more about advertising on this site, click here.