Post Content

Well, if it’s Monday, it must be time reveal another shameful instance of a legacy comic dipping into its own archives. Below is the B.C. from 8/15/05:

Followed, of course, by a comic from the B.C. collection Dip In Road, first published in 1969:

These come from faithful reader Suzii, who notes:

It stuck with me because I first read it when I was a little enough kid to have no idea what “berserk” meant. Now I’m all grown up and a professional word person, and I still have no idea what’s funny about this — let alone what’s so funny as to be worth a second shot at it.

Also! By now you are well acquainted with my narcissistic tendency to acknowledge comics that mention me by name. Well, I suppose I must now extend this to novels! The Tea Master, a novel currently competing for the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award, mentions me and several other bloggers in the course of its adventures! It also features a “notorious” unicorn crap passage. Check it out!

And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for: the comment of the week!

“That facial expression — it’s like he’s asking himself, ‘Where did my penis go?’ It’s OK, buddy, it’s just a towel.” –Donald the Anarchist

And the runners up! Very funny!

“All babies are evil. It’s only the comics page that has the guts to print this. The rest of the paper is intimidated by the power of Big Baby.” –Mac

“ENGAGE DISPLAY(EMOTIONAL): TEARS. ERROR! ERROR! #227: TEAR DUCT JAM. CLEAR TEAR DUCT MANUALLY. (A)BORT, (R)ETRY, (I)GNORE?” –Dragon of Life

“Hmm, that makes me wonder, do pluggers have tails? Have we ever seen one? I can’t decide if it’s more unnerving if they do or if they don’t, and that worries me.” –Zaq

“Oh, Ziggy. All hat, no pants.” –Poppinjay

“Is Ziggy a plugger? Let’s examine the evidence. Evidence for Ziggy being a plugger: He is poor; he is a hideous mutant human thing; his life is an endless string of disappointments and depression; he is constantly being reminded of his depressing life by members of the service industry. Evidence against: He appears interested in traveling outside the United States, unlike pluggers, whose international experience consists of yelling drunken racial slurs at Travel Channel ads.” –Ms.X

“Has Tommie become so jaded from living with Margo that one drunken woman swearing is something to smile about? ‘Wow, she only used one of the f words on me.'” –Rainbird

“Has anyone considered that maybe Ziggy doesn’t need pants?” –Sequitur

“Does it strike anyone else that Ziggy frequently visits his travel agent, yet is never actually depicted traveling anywhere? I have a feeling this is yet another one of Z’s touchingly pitiful strategies to get women to talk to him. The travel agent — for some reason wearing a nurse’s uniform — is well aware of this situation. Ziggy comes in three, four times a week. Sometimes he just takes a handful of pamphlets, mumbles something inaudible, and shuffles out the door, red-faced. You can see how embarrassed they both are. They’re not even coming close to making eye contact. The travel agent, however, is bound by professional duty to at least pretend to be cheerful, but Ziggy’s solemn expression speaks volumes about the grim reality of this incident.” –Joe Blevins

“Oh, so Borneo isn’t good enough for you, Ziggy? So it’s little more than a punchline for a lame joke? As somebody whose family hails from and is based in that region, I have to say that I am deeply — wait a minute, have I just been offended by a goddamn Ziggy strip? Jesus Christ.” –Muddtallica

“So … enraged … about … children … can’t … actually … hold … phone … close … to … face!” –Smokehouse

“As a midget with a freakishly large nose, Ziggy likely wears no pants in order to force the world to acknowledge him as a sexual being.” –ThaGeeGee

“You know, the more everyone keeps mentioning it, the clearer it becomes: this is a kidnapping storyline in A3G, which is fantastic, because kidnapping storylines in A3G can only end in discounted zipper-bound merchandise! I’ll get my credit card.” –Black Drazon

“Tommie seems to have developed a serious case of happyfaceitis in her ear in panel 2. Eventually it will become its own head, and Margo will teach it to belittle Tommie when she’s too busy to bother.” –kt

“Adrift in the wake of his father’s abandonment, young Gunther found solace in the sturdy regularity of the Cartesian coordinate system. Eventually, he swore, his whole body would be covered in comforting grid lines that could never ever leave him.” –One-eyed Wolfdog

“Mark Trail: Our clothes are from 1962 but our technology is from 1998.” –emilochka

“We need a dotted-line path showing Thel’s route of cleaning every room, disposing of Barfy-poo, scrambling through the laundry to find something presentable to wear, spraying air freshener throughout the house and on her unshowered body, etc., all culminating at the doorstep, so that her humiliation would be complete. Then next week’s strip showing the path of that neighborhood kid as he meanders around the back yard, avoiding the four unmarked graves, would be more deeply meaningful.” –seismic-2

“Doesn’t Beetle Bailey’s mention of Iraq and Afghanistan violate the Billingsley-Bentley ‘Vagueness in Comics’ Act of 1982?” –Captain Thunder

“Beetle Bailey has achieved some sort of high-water mark for topical relevance this week. In addition to finally acknowledging the fuller geo-political implications of U.S. military service, they also note that it’s April. And it actually is April!” –Lorne

“FC Mom is not cleaning up — she’s trashing the place. She’s not taking any chances that today might be the day Children’s Family Services comes to visit and takes the little monsters away.” –Rachel211

“I find myself concerned for ‘the girls in Hawaii’ — given that the point of military training exercises is to learn how to kill other people without being killed yourself, in challenging terrain. Notice, too, that Plato is dressed like one of those hula dancers — clearly he’s envisioning a covert ops type mission, wherein he infiltrates the local hula school before blasting everything in sight.” –Rana

“Killer with his bongos is anticipating an invitation to join the Buena Vista Social Club once he gets to Cuba. Which, given that he’s in his 70s by now, would be just the gig for him.” –Beatrice

“When the plot of Mary Worth begins to remind you of a David Mamet script (House of Games), it’s time to up the drinking.” –Dingo

“Look at Ted Confey. That’s the way you do it. He gets his money for nothing and his chicks for free.” –Chicago Bob

“MW Haiku: Ted’s facial shadow/ Confounds the laws of physics:/ Where the sun don’t shine.” –Charterstoned

Those who put money in my tip jar are more beautiful and pure than the noblest unicorns! And our advertisers are not too shabby themselves:

• Keeper of Light and Dust: Are you a healer, warrior, or thief? Play — if you dare — to win bookstore gift vouchers, pink or black boxing gloves and signed copies of Keeper of Light and Dust. Inspired by the legends of battle-scarred men who are protected — or cursed — by powerful women. PLAY NOW! “Brilliantly compelling and original,” says Robert Twigger, author of Angry White Pyjamas.
• Tijuana Bibles: Lust and lechery in eight pages: From the 1920s to the 1950s, the first form of mass-produced pornography for thousands of Americans came in the form of crudely-printed comic books called “Tijuana bibles” or “eight-pagers.” Chris Hall explores the story of Tijuana Bibles on CarnalNation.
• Devil’s Garden: “Fatty” Arbuckle is throwing a wild party at the St. Francis Hotel: girls, jazz, bootleg hooch … and a dead actress. What really happened? Only one man can discover the truth, a detective named Dashiell Hammett.

To find out more about advertising on this site, click here.

Post Content

Folks, we’re seeing a real epidemic here. Faithful readers have already brought to light the worst kind of joke recycling from The Family Circus and Blondie. Now we see that the boys at Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC are getting in on the act, thanks to this damning evidence from faithful reader Tom. Compare the strip from last Sunday with an installment from 1987:

The sort of fascinating thing here is that, unlike the other two self-plagiarized strips, the new Beetle Bailey has been entirely redrawn; only the gag has been recycled. This is funny because the typical Beetle Bailey gag isn’t really that hard to come up with, if you follow me. The minor differences between the two strips are kind of interesting as well: apparently in prudish 1987 we weren’t allowed to actually specify what kind of calendars Killer collected, and while Reagan-era Rocky rocked out to music recorded on that time period’s favored format, the current incarnation is some kind audiophile retro-geek. You should also note that, against all odds, the set-up throwaway panels are even lamer in the 2009 strip, possibly because the artists are now uncomfortable portraying American soldiers as desperate beer-guzzling alcoholics. (Portraying them as semi-catatonics is apparently still OK.)

In other news, faithful reader yellojkt’s National Kinkiest Komic Karacter Kick-Off is wrapping up, with voting in the hottest mom, most desirable dominatrix, and best bear categories.

And now, the moment you’ve been waiting for … your COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

“My God, Tommie, if the cereal you buy is ‘Health Flakes,’ what type of vibrator do you own?” –Dingo

And the hilarious runners up!

“I admire how orderly and polite Tommie’s thoughts are in the morning. Under similar circumstances, my thoughts would’ve probably been: ‘Who the fuck…? Goddamn, can’t I even have my mug of milk in the morning?'” –Joe Blevins

“No, the woman your dad is seeing tonight, while I sit with you kids, is his girlfriend. I’m … Tommie.” –ohyes

“Oh, Peter Parker is happy. I thought that was a douchey look and statement of sarcasm. ‘Oh man, that’s great! I’ll have the smell of mothballs and Jean Nate perfume to look forward to.'” –scruffylove

“If poor old Aunt May is so frail that the lights unexpectedly being turned off can trigger a medical condition, then I’m sure that Peter’s horrible, horrible smile in the third panel will cause a stroke.” –Alan’s Addiction

“Oh, man! That’s great! It’s so great I’m going to ride my giant invisible pogo stick!” –Dannymo

“I am sincerely grateful for today’s Blondie. In this sadly diminished post-Scaduto world I had thought never again to see a squat, impossibly-legged man whose ensemble seems incomplete without an ‘I like Ike’ button characterizing something as ‘the bomb.’ I’m just going to go ahead and assume his name is Boffo Barfington.” –Violet

“I interpret Kenley’s ‘Oh’ as an abbreviated form of ‘Oh, sorry, I thought there might be something interesting about you.'” –He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus

“Also, what kind of doctor’s office sends that kind of news by text? ‘U may hv CNCR n yr nutz. PLz call ASAP. KTHXBAI.'” –Old School Allie Cat

“I think my favorite part of Funky Winkerbean today is the news announcer’s use of ‘plummet,’ a fantastic verb that would normally not find much use in the Funkyverse, as the characters and their hopes and dreams do no so much ‘plummet’ as ‘spiral slowly into a black pit of despair’ from which there is no escape. Oh, and also, cancer.” –Lorna

“The irony is that Crankshaft used to drive Funky’s bus when Funky was in high school. Now Funky is going to die before Crankshaft. That should bring a smirk to his face.” –Racing J

“‘Queenie,’ you and Ted CAN make it on your doctor’s salary. You may have to budget, though. No more volumizing shampoo — oops, you already have cut back in that department.” –blackgoat

“What sort of power does Adrian have over Ted that instead of inspiring confidence and diverting attention away from his real schemes, Ted confesses his problems and failures at her slightest raised eyebrow? ‘I have no money! I lost my job! I knowingly wrote a bad check for your dad! I’m marrying you for the money!’ Soon he’ll be curled up at Adrian’s feet, sobbing out things like, ‘I proposed because you remind me of my dog! I can’t spell! This mustache is pasted on!’ Adrian’s right: her dad won’t worry about the check. Dr. Jeff will be too horrified at seeing a younger version of his relationship with Mary Worth to think about anything else.” –Eldaglass

“Watching Funky Winkerbean descend into all-out open sadism is like the comedic equivalent of the relief that comes when you finally begin to vomit after spending ten minutes hovering nauseously over the toilet bowl.” –commodorejohn

“There’s been a lot of talk about Funky’s junk today, but we still haven’t addressed the elephant in the room. Does it or does it not smell like mozzarella?” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Rusty doesn’t recognize money because one panel earlier it was a limp, green fish. Rusty also doesn’t recognize the cruel trick Mark is playing on him with those clothes choices.” –Dragon of Life

“The gift of a crepe maker says, ‘I’ll still be here for breakfast, but instead of staying in bed with me, I’ll expect you to get up at 5 a.m. and spend hours cooking me fancy French meals.’ It’s the kind of mixed message you’d expect from a woman wearing a bathrobe over a turtleneck.” –BigTed

“I’m pretty certain the phone company yanks out the old payphones and takes them away. Funky probably has some abandoned fetus in that box.” –Rusty

“A young child knows how to turn on the TV?! She’s a witch! A witch! BURN HER!” –Ista

“It’s time for Funky Winkerbean to reconsider that jaunty font in the title panel. That worked fine when it was a silly school comic, but it looks absurd in the present version, and doubly so when it has the wan balding pate of Miserable Q. Avatar floating right there beside it. Batiuk needs to look into some more modern shit like Times New Sarcoma or Dead Wife Sans.” –One-eyed Wolfdog

“She knows how to turn on the TV? She’s doing better than me, with the eighteen goddamn remotes.” –The Restless Mouse

“Current tweener storyline aside, does the artist of [Judge Parker] get paid by the cup size?” –thurston unger

“Mary’s head is just swimming with where to start meddling! ‘Who do I track down first?! This mysterious lover, or the health inspector to close this place down for using the bathroom as a salad prep station?!'” –Rachel211

“Mark Trail’s narration box must have been on a pee break or something. ‘What’d I miss? Oh, did panel 1 confuse you? Well, the man has the camera now, see? That’s about all I got, sorry.'” –JP (not Judge Parker)

“Many a young man is advised to ‘think about baseball’ so as avoid the embarrassment of premature ejaculation. However, Gil Thorp takes this to new heights, avoiding Coach Mrs. Coach Thorp’s obvious sexual come-on (‘we both have some gaps‘) by focusing on Matt Rogers’ lack of hitting prowess.” –DownwithOPP

“I just love that Slylock has a wardrobe labeled ‘disguises’. I also love that it contains 1) a bunny suit, 2) a lion suit, 3) a rat suit, and 4) a hat, a whip, and a pair of tall leather boots. Slylock is thus equipped to sneak into virtually any kind of S&M club in town, be it herbivore, carnivore, omnivore, gay omnivore, what have you.” –Li’l Bunnë FooFoo

“I love the first panel in today’s Mark Trail, and not only because it looks like the guy blackjacked Rusty with his own camera. I like its wordless violence, opening today’s strip with only an afterthought of an explanation in the third panel. It’s almost pop art. It should be pop art. How much do you think it would cost to blow this up and hang on a wall, so that I can go to sleep each night with the cheerful thought of Mark’s freaky-deaky kid getting robbed and punched out by a subhuman goon?” –teddytoad

Often imitated and never duplicated are those who put some cash in my tip jar! And our advertisers would never self-copy:

• Bitter Things: A novel of love, sex, memory, and blood. “Brings new meaning to the word ‘Vampire,’ ripping it from the pages of folkloric fantasy and shoving it into the realm of horrific plausibility. I defy anyone to put this novel down,” says Deborah LeBlanc, Author of Water Witch.

To find out more about advertising on this site, click here.

Post Content

New comics coming shortly, but first there’s a couple of things I meant to put in yesterday’s COTW post and forgot.

First, faithful reader yellojkt as ever is running some comics bracketology on his blog to go along with the NCAA basketball tournament. This year’s tourney is the National Kinkiest Komic Karacter Kick-Off, and you can vote! Voting is already open for Kinkiest Kouple, Hottest Soap Hunk, and Hottest Comics Barely Legal Babe, with more to come, including Best Bear and Most Dutiful Dominatrix. Vote early, vote often!

Also! I’ve been meaning to put this up for a bit … you might remember a few weeks ago when I compared Hi and Lois to Revolutionary Road. This elicited an email from faithful reader zooby, who found that dialogue from the latter worked quite well in the former. Check it out!