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Funky Winkerbean, 5/25/13

Oh, hey, I guess I’ve been neglectful of the great Darrin/Frankie confrontation because it’s been … kind of boring? Considering the air of menace that surrounded his earlier appearances, Frankie’s ultimate goal — to put together some kind of ill-conceived reality show about his reunion with Darrin (which, say, shouldn’t they be getting footage right now?) seems relatively harmless. The worst of it is that, since all right-thinking people are assumed to loathe reality television despite its massive popularity, this plot gives Darrin and Jessica the opportunity to indulge in righteous indignation, which is my third-least-favorite Funkyverse emotion, just behind smug self-satisfaction and sexual arousal.

Spider-Man, 5/23/13

Kingpin is a busy, successful entrepreneur, and in his best-selling business memoir Faster! Work Faster!, he taught a generation of CEOs how to extract maximum terrified efficiencies from their employees. But recent challenges in Kingpin’s career have demonstrated that there’s more to being a great manager than just cowing your subordinates. In his new book, Not Without My Minions: Why It’s Better To Be Loved Than Feared But Being Fear-Loved Is Best Of All, he explains that organizational downturns can be used as an opportunity to build loyalty in the face of adversity and gather a fanatically dedicated core team who will stick with you when times get tough. Have your personal assistant look for in the increasingly sparse places where books are sold!

Momma, 5/23/13

Ha ha, it’s funny because nobody likes Momma! I sort of expected that the doctor would be cowering in fear of his relentless hypochondriac nemesis, but instead he regards her with an evil grin, delighting in the way he’s unsettled her, which is frankly a much darker scenario.

Mark Trail, 5/23/13

Meanwhile, in Mark Trail, all this is happening, against a background of apocalyptic flame! Do killer grizzly bears really have adorable pudgy butts like in panel three? Because if so, awwwwww.

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Update — Well, we ran out of JP and RMMD magnets mid-afternoon EDT on Tuesday, May 14. Thank you generous (and fast!) readers! Contributors at the $15 level will now receive a favorite Josh panel from the last few months, matted for framing and signed by Josh, or at their option a Margo bracelet. Thanks again!

Hey, it’s the Comics Curmudgeon Spring 2013 Fundraiser! It’s your hard-earned money — squander it here, and receive a one-of-a-kind Judge Parker or Rex Morgan, M.D. refrigerator magnet for contributions of $15 or more. Thank you!

Apartment 3-G, 5/14/13

“You don’t understand, Margo: I don’t want to be transported to the frontiers of ecstasy in the masterful hands of some handsome Italian Lothario — I want to have FUN. With my MOM.”

Meanwhile, Lu Ann sees herself in a mirror!

Momma, 5/14/13

Ah, but some daughters know what fun is, and a mother’s role in it. As Sonya speaks, Marylou Hobbs imagines herself tanned and radiant in half of her revealing new swimsuit, striding confidently toward her lover across the deck of his yacht lying at anchor in azure waters gleaming under a benevolent Mediterranean sun — her mother nowhere aboard, in mind, or accessible even in the deepest reaches of her memory.

Sonya’s bullying logic shocks her from her reverie, and she struggles to respond:

Heathcliff, 5/14/13

Heathcliff’s campaign to bend mice to his will is well documented, but only now does its purpose become clear. The mice are but pawns in his scheme to scare the neighborhood elephant into wreaking Heathcliff’s terrible vengeance upon the hated dogs. Who will be next? Are we humans safe? I don’t think we’re safe.

Gil Thorp, 5/14/13

Gil Thorp spices up its spring baseball story with a little constitutional law. You know, to make it interesting.

Wizard of Id, 5/14/13

Id spearchuckers have terrifying asses.

— Uncle Lumpy

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Apartment 3-G, 4/25/13

Hey, it’s Doris, Margo/the Mills Gallery’s mousy assistant who married some guy who I think might have originally been presented as a love interest for Margo or maybe Lu Ann, who can even remember now. Anyway, Doris must not really be up on “current events” or whatever if she can’t recognize the governor standing right in front of her or notice what I’m sure is his sizable security entourage lurking around outside. Then again, you can forgive her for being confused, seeing as he looks just like all other dark-haired Apartment 3-G dudes, including her husband.

“Can I tell her who’s calling? Can anyone? Can anyone explain what’s going on? You all look alike to me! Jack? Jack, is that you?”

Momma, 4/25/13

Momma is politically and culturally retrograde in any number of unsettling ways, but give the strip credit for this: the title character is just as intent on policing her son’s sexuality as she is on policing her daughter’s, if not more so. And, you know, I’m all for casual sex, but I might start getting testy too if I had a kid who called up a bunch of people in rapid succession to find out if they’re DTF tonight while I’m right there in the room with him.