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Dick Tracy, 3/22/21

OK, just going to admit that I do not get what Dick means by “not without 5G” in panel three. I’m assuming he means the wireless telecommunications technology and this isn’t some piece of cop/gangster/Dick Tracy-specific slang, but, even so: I don’t get it. I guess he could be making a little joke, like “With all the new 5G phones and great wireless plans they have out now, it’s never been easier to reach out to a loved one or drop a dime on your underworld associates.” But maybe it’s more “We’re not going to get him to talk unless we turn up the 5G mind control rays, and those libs at the CDC say we’re not allowed to do that anymore now that we know they cause COVID.”

Gil Thorp, 3/22/21

Oh, man, I haven’t been updating you on the Gil Thorp plot, have I? Well, good news: the Mudlark girls’ basketball team made the playdowns! [five minutes later] We regret to inform you that the girls’ basketball team’s magical playdown run is over.

Gasoline Alley and Mother Goose and Grimm, 3/22/21

God damn it, we went through all the trouble of setting up the shared “What hoary old joke are you going to use in your syndicated newspaper comic strip today?” Google calendar, but it doesn’t work unless everyone updates it!

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Six Chix, 2/4/21

Everyone of us, of course, it absolutely goes without saying, is familiar with the phrase “your house is so warm and fuzzy,” the completely normal and indeed beloved English-language idiom that we all know and love. But what if — and stay with me here for this one — what if we took this phrase, whose metaphorical meaning we all understand, and treated it literally? And what literal scenario springs to mind more quickly when you think of a warm, fuzzy house than a nightmarish tangle of enormous caterpillars, writhing in great piles on top of your furniture and yourself! That would indeed be delightfully droll, as their chitinous legs scramble for purchase on your flesh!

Mother Goose and Grimm, 2/4/21

Speaking of taking metaphorical phrases literally, here’s today’s Mother Goose and Grimm, which I actually enjoyed quite a bit. The key, for me, is that Grimm doesn’t live on a farm at all in the everyday world of the strip. It’s as if he was wandering through the countryside, spotted an open barn door, and thought to himself, “Oh ho, the perfect opportunity to really blow some poor farmer’s mind.” Then he leaned up against the barn and waited, sipping from the cup of coffee he brought with him for just such an occasion.

Funky Winkerbean, 2/4/21

Like every character in the strip that bears his name, Funky long ago learned to deal with the utter misery that permeates his world by suppressing all feelings other than smugness and whatever prompts the endless smirks (also smugness, I guess, though occasionally it’s also pun-recognition). But now that he’s about to go under the knife, he needs to experience a real emotion, for what might be the last time. He’s begging everyone to help him, but neither he nor anyone else knows how to even begin.

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Funky Winkerbean, 1/26/21

“Man,” thought Harry Dinkle, “I remember back in the day, these conferences used to be fun! People had a sense of humor, liked to joke around. Now they’re a bunch of stick-in-the-muds who’ll bite your head off for no reason. Also, totally unrelated, it used to be a lot easier to find someone who had cocaine.”

Mother Goose and Grimm, 1/26/21

Strips like Mother Goose and Grimm really veer back and forth between “These characters are basically humans who happen to look like animals” and “These characters are animals with animal-like traits,” and I want to make clear that I fully recognize that this is in fact part of the fun of the strip, not a “goof” or a “mistake” or whatever. Still, I think the veering back and forth can sometimes veer into unintentionally awkward territory, like today, when the joke is supposed to be “Ha ha, Attila is a character in this strip who talks and thinks like a person but is also a cat,” but the execution, especially the whisper and look of panic on the sales lady’s face, really gives off a strong “please help me escape from this abusive relationship” vibe.

Dennis the Menace, 1/26/21

Speaking of which, I don’t usually look at a Dennis the Menace punchline and say “Jeez, I hope this is a sex thing,” but for the sake of Mr. and Mrs. Wilson, I sincerely hope this is a sex thing.

Pluggers, 1/26/21

Fun fact for those of us rapidly aging into the plugger demographic: the “More Cowbell” sketch first aired in 2000! Can you imagine! Anyway, a better caption here would be “It’s been about 20 years since pluggers have been able to stay awake late enough to watch SNL.”