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Slylock Fox, 4/22/11

Everyone knows that the quickest way to make something adorable and kid-friendly is to make a li’l child version of it; this is the logic that produced Muppet Babies and Animaniacs, to great success. Still, when you’re dealing with a mummified corpse reanimated via the ancient magic that still lingers in some musty tomb, a child version seems less cute than terrifying and soul-crushingly sad. Look, the little damned soul is about to taste its first dessert since he died sometime during Egypt’s 19th Dynasty! Too bad his tongue is going to crumble to dust in his mouth the moment it touches that ice cream.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 4/22/11

Ha ha, yes, I’m always up for a good joke about Mary Worth showing off her vagina, but still … still, this is kind of the moment when you realize, “Wow, I don’t think the people at the syndicate are actually reading the comics anymore before they just ship them off to America’s few remaining newspapers,” what with jokes that only make sense in the context of, “Hey, remember that movie in the ’90s, where you saw that lady’s vagina?”

Pluggers, 4/22/11

Pluggers are too respectful to call their teachers by their first name, but never could get their head around all these crazy ethnic names they have these days, like “Van Pelt” or whatever Dutch craziness.

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Hey, it’s the Comics Curmudgeon Spring Fundraiser — thank you for your generousity!

For April Fools’ Day 1997, comic strip writers and artists famously crossed over without their editors’ knowledge to do one another’s strips. Here, check it out. Of course fourteen years on, comics cabals aren’t what they used to be — but let’s see what they’ve got:

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 3/9/11

Premiering the new hybrid puzzle and kids’ comic, The Jumble: Origins.

Gil Thorp, 3/9/11

Mary Worth‘s Wilbur Weston reads Gil Thorp: “Something something girls something SAMMITCH! something something basketball something.”

Mother Goose and Grimm, 3/9/11

They isk a tide in th’ affairsk of mens,
Which, takink at th’ flood, leads on t’ fourchins;
Omitked, all th’ voya guv their lifes
Isk bound in shallowsk and in miseriesiz!

Funky Winkerbean, 3/9/11

C-list Funky Winkerbean character (how’s that for suicide juice?) and comic author Mopey Pete battles a pair of Tin Age D.C. Comics villains through an anxious night. Hey, Mopes, I know Chien‘s out of the picture, but why not give Dawn a Tweet? I bet she’s still awake!

Blondie, 3/9/11

OK, Mother Goose and and Grimmy the dog … come from FAR AWAY because … um … it’s a different comic and … um … nursery rhymes and … what, maybe Shrek? … DAMMIT BLONDIE CAN I GET A LITTLE HELP HERE?

Cross over to the fabulous side, with a generous donation to the Comics Curmudgeon!

— Uncle Lumpy

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Family Circus, 2/25/11

The Family Circus is such a target for snarky Internet contempt that picking on it is a cliché at this point, but I really don’t understand how things like this get cut out and hung on people’s refrigerators, unless your refrigerator is where you keep your birth control and you need a reminder of why it’s very important that you use it. “Mommy, guess how much children you have! Also, guess why ‘children’ is now a mass noun instead of a count noun! It’s because we’re one monstrous organism that slithered out of your womb in four separate parts, but now we’re going to merge together to fulfill the tasks our demon creator has set for us!”

Mother Goose and Grimm, 2/25/11

I know, I’m pretty much programmed to find this funny, but I found it funny. The best part for me is the two characters’ facial expressions — Mary looks alarmed and a little shell-shocked at being discovered, while Rex looks grimly determined. Both are extremely appropriate.

Mark Trail, 2/25/11

“There’s a man inside and he looks … oh my! So handsome, so sexy! I may not be able to resist him! Also, I think he might be dead? But that’s not important right now. Come here honey, help me drag him out of the boat.”