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Dustin, 5/9/25

It’s a little weird writing a blog about the relatively small world of the syndicated newspaper comics, because I know for sure that many of comics creators read my little posts but it’s not always clear which ones do, so when a strip makes a change that could be interpreted as being in response to my criticism my first reaction is to become slightly drunk with power. Like for instance, I’ve complained for years that the Dustin strips about the dating life of its Millennial Zoomer characters all take place in fern bars and don’t involve dating apps at all; today’s strip, I’d like to imagine, is the result of the Dustin team finally saying “FINE, we’ll do a dating strip that involves the apps, that’ll shut him up. The kids don’t put their pictures on dating apps, do they? That would be insane.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/9/25

So it turns out that Kelly did not break up with Niki before starting to date a tall boy she met at college, and once she figured out her mother was no longer in mortal danger she went over to the garage where Niki works to break the news to him, and his reaction was pretty chill, all things considered. Today we learn why: seems like he’s got a new gal himself, with a kerchief! Is “Big Sandy” one of Glenwood’s wholly disproportionate number of retro musical acts? Are these two young people dabbling in the exciting rockabilly lifestyle? Is god-damned Buck involved, somehow? Reload joshreads dot com non-stop for further developments!

Mother Goose and Grimm, 5/9/25

Jesus Christ, what is this lady standing on? Is it her face? Is it more feet? None of the potential answers are good!

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/8/25

Way back in the mists of time when I first started this blog, it was called I Read The Comics So You Don’t Have To, and I still thinking of myself as fulfilling that mission, especially when it comes to letting you know when something exciting or important has happened in the soap opera strips. However, this goal runs into a philosophical conundrum with Rex Morgan, M.D., the strip where nothing exciting or important ever happens: sometimes it seems like something’s going to happen, but if I tell you about it, that’s leading you astray, because in fact nothing’s going to happen, so instead I usually wait to update you until it becomes clear that nothing is going to happen. Take this past week, for instance: after Augie did the responsible thing and reported the dead stalker to the police, the beat cop who showed up decided that Augie was actually the most likely murder suspect and started asking a bunch of probing questions. Was something exciting, like Augie’s arrest on false (or possibly true) accusations, going to happen? I sure didn’t tell you about it, because I didn’t want to toy with your emotions unnecessarily. But now it’s safe to discuss because a homicide detective has arrived and decided that the stalker simply drank three bottles of hooch then smoked crack and shot heroin simultaneously before eventually succumbing to his many vices. Problem solved! Nothing’s going to happen! Enjoy today’s strip and then go about your business.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 4/8/25

I actually spent a lot of time getting furious at this strip because everyone knows that in the comics, poodles are sexy French ladies, not old people, so what is this even about??? After some thought I think he’s riffing on “dumb blonde” stereotypes rather than old people stereotypes, but it doesn’t really work because (a) lots of people say “senior moment” but nobody says “blonde moment” and (b) poodles (in cartoons, anyway) are white while Grimm himself is blonde, or at least yellow.

Hi and Lois, 4/8/25

“Hey Josh,” you’re probably asking, “I know that in this current run of Hi and Lois, the Flagstons are beset by depression and anxiety, but is that true for everyone else too?” Yeah man, it is. They’re all burdened by awful knowledge they can do nothing about!

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Shoe, 4/2/25

You know, I was going to joke here about how the snuggie’s brief moment as a cultural sensation came and went in 2009, which I regret to inform everyone was literally 16 years ago, and I started squinting at the “2025” in the Perfesser’s word balloon to see if it had been altered from some earlier and more appropriate date, but then, I thought, you know what? Blankets with sleeves are pretty cool, honestly a lot cooler than anything we’ve developed since, technology-wise. Did you know you can get them with a little pocket for your remote control now? Why is that kind of innovation not being applied in the flying car field? It’s truly shameful.

The Phantom, 4/2/25

I do feel bad for Kadia, whose world as a cloistered rich girl was shattered when she learned that her family riches came from supervillainy. Still, you have to admit that “I was afraid to warn Kit … Kadia can lose her grip on reality and become unpredictable” is an extremely funny thing to think about a girl you’re trying to set your brother up with. Anyway, could her psychic trauma from being the daughter of a supervillain be healed by becoming the wife of a superhero? I’m not a “licensed therapist,” but this is a superhero comic, so almost certainly yes.

Mary Worth, 4/2/25

I’ve never really imagined that the Santa Royale culinary scene is vibrant, exactly, but I still find it pretty wild that Wilbur feels so short of options that he would voluntarily return to My Thai, the restaurant that was the site of one of his biggest humiliations, which is really saying something. I guess it’s possible that that he’s only at this moment realizing that accidentally-but-not-really spilling something on someone at dinner when you’re drunk and/or on whatever it is that has Belle’s eyes looking like that seems cool when you’re doing it, but when you’re sober and watching it happen, you realize it’s actually not very cool at all.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 4/2/25

“Wait, so you had … a job? …in England?”