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Heathcliff, 6/11/26

It’s true that California has higher gas prices than the rest of the country, but I guarantee that every time you’ve seen a viral picture on social media of a station with shockingly high gas prices with a caption of “OMG Cali gas is crazy,” it’s one of two specific stations in Los Angeles where the prices are $2 or even $3 higher than they are everywhere else in the city for various odd reasons. One of these is in Chinatown, close to where I used to live, and once I was walking past it and saw a dark purple Bentley and there was something odd about it and I said to myself, “Wait, is that thing covered in velour?” so I went up to touch it and … reader, it was, or at least a thin layer of some vaguely fuzzy-feeling velour-like substance. No idea what the owner did when it rained, but I am 100% sure that that’s what’s going on with Heathcliff’s car.

Herb and Jamaal, 6/11/26

Look, I know that being hilariously nonspecific is one of Herb and Jamaal’s beloved running bits, but … Rev. Croom is clearly talking about hell, and all the people who are going there. He’s a Christian clergyman, he believes in hell and that’s what he’s talking about! Don’t give us this “inferno abyss” business, I’m pretty sure you’re allowed to say “hell” in the newspaper these days.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 6/11/26

It honestly bothers me so much that Ma Goose is delivering this extremely tepid joke to an unknown interlocutor over the phone. There are multiple named characters in this strip that she lives with that she could’ve bounced this off of! Then we could’ve seen their reaction! You know, because the comics are … a visual medium?

Crankshaft, 6/11/26

Like, for instance, it’s important that we can see Harry Dinkle’s face so we know how completely unenthusiastic he is about all this. If you just had the dialogue, you might think he was excited to go on a little adventure, rummage through his old memories, and help out his friends, but in fact he doesn’t look like he’s feeling much of anything at all. “Didn’t the strip I was in end?” he’s thinking. “Why am I in this one? Why am I here? Why can’t I die?”

Rhymes With Orange, 6/11/26

Folks, do you ever look up in the sky at clouds and wonder if they get horny? Well, they do … in the whimsical world of the comics.

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Mark Trail, 6/9/26

The “Mark’s dad is getting romance-scammed” Mark Trail storyline has had some pleasing twists and turns: we learned Mark “Happy” Trail Sr. was sending money to a gorilla sanctuary due to the entreaties of young “Dreama,” who was hitting him up for money at said sanctuary where she claimed to work, but then it turned out that her pics were photoshopped/AI-enhanced images of Gail, the owner (?) of the sanctuary, and it turned out that Happy had also been sending AI-enyouthened pics of himself to Dreama, so it seemed like an embarrassing incident that would end with two older nature lovers finding love with each other. But today we learn that, nope, Gail is in fact evil, and has mostly been outsourcing all this catfishing to her dweeb-ass son anyway. You can tell she’s evil because she lets gorillas just wander aimlessly around the sanctuary parking lot, without any enrichment toys!

Crankshaft, 6/9/26

Oh, did you think that those pictures Eugene brought over were going to result in some emotionally affective revelations? No, sorry, we’re just learning about how the current Funkyverse cast has in fact been entangled with one another for multiple generations, in exactly the sort of plot development that everyone loved when Star Wars kept doing it. I like how the strip’s namesake has kind of wandered over from whatever it was he was doing to take in all this information. Maybe he’ll learn he’s Les Moore’s uncle or something! You never know!

Dennis the Menace, 6/9/26

Love the look of absolute delight on this woman’s face. She’s the Chief Marketing Officer at the National Potato Council and she’s here to confirm the rumors: the chosen one has arrived.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 6/9/26

Can you imagine a dog — a dog, mind you — that knows what lattes are and enjoys drinking them, but has never heard of pilates? Well, you don’t have to: that’s the joke in today’s Mother Goose and Grimm, printed in newspapers everywhere!

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Judge Parker, 5/27/26

The humble diner now appears to be the soap opera strips’ go-to employer for those seeking to abandon a hectic, go-go lifestyle and reconnect with good, honest work — a group that includes everyone from former movie stars disillusioned with the Hollywood grind to scammers in search of redemption. Anyway, the proprietor of this establishment was understandably somewhat hesitant to hire a literal con artist, but I predict he will quickly accede to Alan’s request so he doesn’t have to hear any more details of Parker family emotional drama.

Hagar the Horrible, 5/27/26

Not that I expect Helga to be a big expert in macroeconomics or fiscal and monetary policy, but she has only her husband and his fellow warrior/traders to blame for this! Looted silver and gold coins from England and the Carolingian Empire, along with revenue from increased trade with the Byzantine and Islamic worlds via the Russian river networks, has had a naturally inflationary effect. Sadly, Viking society isn’t advanced enough to make use of this influx of wealth by increasing productivity, so instead they’ll just face sharply rising prices for the near future.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 5/27/26

Look, it’s one thing for Mother Goose and Grimm to try to pass off yet another widely known street joke as a punchline in a newspaper comic — I think we’ve all come to accept that at this point. What bothers me is that it’s trying to pass off yet another widely known street joke about a retail chain that stopped operation more than three years ago. Sure, it’s true that the website formerly known as Overstock.com acquired Bed, Bath & Beyond’s intellectual property and has subsequently been wearing the deceased brand’s skin, but you know that if Mother Goose had bought that stuff via this newfangled “online shopping” process, that would’ve been the heart of the joke.