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Dennis the Menace, 7/19/12

So, it’s pretty obvious that Mr. Wilson thought up this “bratwurst”/”worst brat” thing several weeks ago. The question is, how hard has he worked to make this moment happen? Because I can guarantee that the all the pieces didn’t just fall into place by themselves. My guess is that he suggested brats for dinner as early as this morning, then moved the sausage to somewhere unlikely in the fridge sometime after lunch, and made a request for Martha to start dinner just as he spotted Dennis on his way over. Even with everything as contrived as that, he’s got to be pleased by how well he threaded the needle and delivered his long-awaited bon mot just as Dennis opened the door.

Slylock, 7/19/12

Hmm, so it seems that Slylock can throw various creatures in prison for petty crimes based on circumstantial evidence, but when it comes to corporate pollution that could sicken thousands, all he can do is stand on the other side of the lake and watch the poison rise into the air. Perhaps his world and ours aren’t so different from one another? Except for the whole terrifying anthropomorphic animal thing, obviously.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 7/19/12

Do you enjoy solving Sudoku™ number puzzles, either in your local newspaper or in puzzle books you can buy at local bookstores and hobby shops? Well, now when you engage in this pastime, you’ll be thinking about the Sudoku puzzles having drunken sex with one another. Sorry!

Curtis, 7/19/12

Remember, the only thing Curtis likes more than money is serving his Demonic Majesty, Satan, Lord of Lies.

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Slylock Fox, 4/22/11

Everyone knows that the quickest way to make something adorable and kid-friendly is to make a li’l child version of it; this is the logic that produced Muppet Babies and Animaniacs, to great success. Still, when you’re dealing with a mummified corpse reanimated via the ancient magic that still lingers in some musty tomb, a child version seems less cute than terrifying and soul-crushingly sad. Look, the little damned soul is about to taste its first dessert since he died sometime during Egypt’s 19th Dynasty! Too bad his tongue is going to crumble to dust in his mouth the moment it touches that ice cream.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 4/22/11

Ha ha, yes, I’m always up for a good joke about Mary Worth showing off her vagina, but still … still, this is kind of the moment when you realize, “Wow, I don’t think the people at the syndicate are actually reading the comics anymore before they just ship them off to America’s few remaining newspapers,” what with jokes that only make sense in the context of, “Hey, remember that movie in the ’90s, where you saw that lady’s vagina?”

Pluggers, 4/22/11

Pluggers are too respectful to call their teachers by their first name, but never could get their head around all these crazy ethnic names they have these days, like “Van Pelt” or whatever Dutch craziness.

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Hey, it’s the Comics Curmudgeon Spring Fundraiser — thank you for your generousity!

For April Fools’ Day 1997, comic strip writers and artists famously crossed over without their editors’ knowledge to do one another’s strips. Here, check it out. Of course fourteen years on, comics cabals aren’t what they used to be — but let’s see what they’ve got:

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 3/9/11

Premiering the new hybrid puzzle and kids’ comic, The Jumble: Origins.

Gil Thorp, 3/9/11

Mary Worth‘s Wilbur Weston reads Gil Thorp: “Something something girls something SAMMITCH! something something basketball something.”

Mother Goose and Grimm, 3/9/11

They isk a tide in th’ affairsk of mens,
Which, takink at th’ flood, leads on t’ fourchins;
Omitked, all th’ voya guv their lifes
Isk bound in shallowsk and in miseriesiz!

Funky Winkerbean, 3/9/11

C-list Funky Winkerbean character (how’s that for suicide juice?) and comic author Mopey Pete battles a pair of Tin Age D.C. Comics villains through an anxious night. Hey, Mopes, I know Chien‘s out of the picture, but why not give Dawn a Tweet? I bet she’s still awake!

Blondie, 3/9/11

OK, Mother Goose and and Grimmy the dog … come from FAR AWAY because … um … it’s a different comic and … um … nursery rhymes and … what, maybe Shrek? … DAMMIT BLONDIE CAN I GET A LITTLE HELP HERE?

Cross over to the fabulous side, with a generous donation to the Comics Curmudgeon!

— Uncle Lumpy