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The Lockhorns, 7/26/25

The random, silent bystanders who show up in The Lockhorns represent one of the strip’s great mysteries. Like, who is this lady, who we’ve never seen before and never will again, but who apparently thought she might get some quality time in with Loretta, only to discover that she was about to take her unconscious husband to a matinee showing of the latest superhero movie? Honestly, I enjoy speculating, but I’m also glad we’ll never find out. Anyway, this, and not some geek-savvy discourse, is the only way I want to think about the box office performance of franchise films. Are Superman’s ticket numbers being artificially inflated by women physically carrying their comatose husbands into the theater, an action that represents the latest aggression in a long-running conflict in a way that even they can’t explain? I’d be happy to read 2,000 words in Variety on the subject.

The Phantom, 7/26/25

Speaking of superhero franchises, The Phantom has been running for 89 years now, and I’m pleased to see that it’s taking the steps necessary to stay up to date. “Don’t share too much personal information online, or you might end up enslaved by warlords in a mine in Africa” is a timely message that today’s comics readers need to hear.

Dustin, 7/26/25

Ha ha, look at Dustin’s expression in that last panel! He’s definitely going to leave his father to die in that hammock, and you know what? Good for him.

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 6/23/25

Now, look, you know that Spark Plug is a horse and I know that Spark Plug is a horse, but if you didn’t know that Spark Plug is a horse, nothing about this strip would tell you that, right? Like, call me out of touch, but I’m reasonably sure that “brown-eyed baby” isn’t universally known code for a horse. Lots of human babies have brown eyes! Imagine if you were someone who didn’t know the Barney Google and Snuffy Smith lore, and for some reason today was the first time you decided to read this strip. You’d be baffled! “It sounds like this Barney Google fella does have a baby,” you’d say, “and it has brown eyes and a funny name! Why would he give his baby to these people to babysit, one of whom didn’t even remember the baby existed at all?”

Gil Thorp, 6/23/25

Sorry to trouble you, Gil, but we can’t have someone obsessed with late 19th/early 20th century spiritualism chaperone the prom. Can you imagine? Why, by the end of the evening he’ll be leading them in seances and such, when they should by rights be out in their cars, fingerbanging each other and/or being fingerbanged!

The Phantom, 6/23/25

Speaking of narration from the dead, I’m always a fan of when The Phantom reminds us that everything we see in the strip is a story dreamed up by writer Lee Falk (1911-1999). Sorry, General Chuma! You have been summoned into existence merely to be tormented for our amusement by a pencil-mustached, pipe-smoking sadist.

Garfield, 6/23/25

Remember Garfield, the cartoon cat who famously hates Mondays? You’ve heard him telling jokes about hating Mondays before, of course. But what if he typed those jokes, into a computer? That’d be pretty wild, huh?

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Gil Thorp, 6/3/25

I’m really coming to enjoy the on-the-nose “sound effects” that we’re getting during sports antics in Gil Thorp. Are “catch,” “swipe,” and “pass” onomatopoeiae? Well, they could be, if you kind of whisper them and hit the consonants exactly when the referenced action occurs. Anyway, the Mudlarks did it! They caught the ball! They all caught the ball, together! [whispers] CATCH

The Phantom, 6/3/25

Look, Kit, your dad is good at a lot of things. Punching? Definitely. Shooting people, with a gun? You bet. Maintaining enough muscle definition that he looks ripped even through a lycra suit, yet somehow remaining hydrated enough that he can do physical feats of derring-do? The dude practically invented it. But I’m not sure he’s the one to go to with questions about “does free will exist” or whatever. Call me an elitist if you must, but if a guy makes living in a cave and never letting anyone see his eyes so he can strike fear into the hearts of men into his whole deal, I don’t trust him on abstruse philosophical matters!

Hi and Lois, 6/3/25

I love how concerned both Hi and Lois look here. This is an extremely minor glitch in their comfortable suburban lives and yet they are straight up not having a good time! Probably there’s something deeper going on here that therapy could unpack, eventually. Anyway, it’s too bad they can’t hear Dawg’s cheerful thought balloon, because it might ease their all-pervasive anxiety, just a little, just for a moment.