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Panels from Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 4/25/10

Loweezy recoils in horror from this suggestion, as she knows all too well that her happy relationship with her husband rests entirely on a series of mutual deceptions.

Panel from The Phantom, 4/25/10

The financial services industry must have pretty low approval ratings if a glowering figure setting on a skull-bedecked throne might reasonably be presented as an anti-Wall Street avenger.

Beetle Bailey, 4/25/10

General Halftrack, it turns out, is the world’s least erotic blow-up sex doll.

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Phantom, 4/22/10

I know that there’s been an uptick in security measures at airports since 9/11, but I think sleepy Westchester County Airport’s decision to acquire anti-aircraft weaponry may be an overreaction to current threats. Where will this escalation end? Will any of us sleep soundly at night once Yonkers has nukes?

Judge Parker, 4/22/10

Kudos to new artist Mike Manley for continuing the Judge Parker tradition of having female characters vamp sexily while the usual plot tedium drones on around them. “Anxiety attacks? How erotic,” panel three Neddy is thinking, from the looks of it.

Funky Winkerbean, 4/22/10

“And anyone who doesn’t want to burn to death when I torch it for the insurance money has about three minutes to get the hell out.”

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Hagar the Horrible, 4/19/10

Wow, this little crowd scene may represent the most artistic effort and affection I’ve ever seen lavished on a Hagar the Horrible strip. There are really quite a lot of nice touches: the crowd behind our heroes, grinning good-naturedly at the spectacle; the occasional pitchfork, conveying the both social class of the onlookers and the threat of violence lurking just beneath the surface of the seemingly festive gathering; the knight just to the left of Lucky Eddie, literally licking his lips in anticipation, and his friend, cheerfully pointing out some detail of interest to him; and, of course, the black-robed, torch-wielding executioner, his eyes wild but his dour expression indicating that he alone appreciates the terrible gravity of what’s about to take place.

Of course, all this is in service a particularly grim punchline — ha ha, everyone likes coming out to see a couple of guys get set on fire! Of course, said guys are savage Viking warriors who may well have killed or enslaved many of the family and friends of the people in the crowd, so perhaps their murderous glee is justifiable.

The Phantom, 4/19/10

So it turns out that the narrator dude who I misidentified last December as Billy Dee Williams was, as several helpful readers pointed out, merely a miscolored depiction of deceased Phantom creator Lee Falk. Apparently the coloring crew has been alerted and today he has been depicted with the proper skin tone. However, I’m not sure if anyone can explain the artist’s choice to portray him in panel three as a some kind of deranged goth leprechaun, complete with skull-tipped shillelagh.

Marvin, 4/19/10

Oh, look, it appears to be a new character in Marvin! Nothing good ever comes of new characters in Marvin, as nothing good ever comes from the strip itself, but since she’s making her debut by threatening physical harm to the titular hell-infant, I’m willing to give her a chance.

Apartment 3-G, 4/19/10

We may not get to see anyone die in a hail of bullets in Apartment 3-G, but we do get to see how Margo’s mind works, which is almost as harrowing/hilarious! “Only people who are so fanatically devoted to me that they’ll sacrifice their lives for my safety merit Margo Alone Time.”

Mary Worth, 4/19/10

I’m pretty sure Bonnie just made a pass at Mary, which I’m pretty sure makes her the second most sad, lonely, and pathetic person on Earth (after Dr. Jeff, of course).