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Mary Worth, 6/21/17

Well, I guess it’s not exactly a surprise that this plotline is going to climax with these two busty ladies getting into a no-holds-barred catfight for Derek’s smoky love, and while I think that’s a bit of a cliche, I have to admit I enjoy the direction panel two is taking it. Decades of girl-on-girl fights over men in movies and on TV have trained you to expect that both ladies would grab at each other’s hair the moment this argument escalated from swearing to violence. Instead, as the rain starts pouring out of the dark sky over the endless ocean, Katie looks wide-eyed at Esme’s fury, and leans back over the guardrail. She’s leaning away from her rival’s outstretched hands, of course, but something about her expression seems to carry both epiphany and resignation. “Has it come to this?” she thinks. “Do I need to debase myself in this way, just to keep hold of someone who’s chosen another path? What if I just let gravity take me, let the water rush together over my head? There are worse ways to go than in the arms of the sea.”

Pluggers, 6/21/17

I don’t care if you’ve been a plugger’s doctor for years. I don’t care if you’ve been married to a plugger for your entire adult life. If you don’t understand that for him the whole point of drinking coffee is to ride that buzz until it eats him out from the inside, then you don’t understand him at all.

Dick Tracy, 6/21/17

YOU DIDN’T WANT TO RISK ANYONE’S SAFETY BY STARTING A GUNFIGHT???

WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH DICK TRACY

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Pluggers, 6/17/17

Maybe it’s my own plugger-esque simplicity, but I genuinely get a kick out of the “Pluggers seems to forget that its main characters are animal-people and that introducing actual animals into the narrative is confusing” installments of Pluggers, and today might be my favorite yet. Ha ha, it’s funny because pluggers save money on grooming by just stripping naked and letting their friends hose them down in a bucket in their backyard!

Hi and Lois, 6/17/17

Big shoutout to Hi and Lois for providing the grimmest “punchline” the comics will see this month, probably! Ha ha, it’s funny because Hi is sadly staring into the fire, reflecting on the unbridgeable emotional chasm between himself and his family!

Dennis the Menace, 6/17/17

“Was that menacing? Is nitpicking on etymology menacing? Jesus Christ, I’m exhausted, it’s the weekend, lemme just … lemme just leave it at that, OK? Stepladders, I dunno man.”

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Pluggers, 6/14/17

Look, guys, I’m super cheap — like, super cheap — but it would never, ever, ever in a million years occur to me to do this. Does anyone do this? Do plugger friends just send the same blank birthday card back and forth year after year, forever? Why stop at birthdays? Why not send one of those cards that has generic art and no message inside for every occasion? You get one the mail and you have to derive the content entirely from the current context of your own life and your friendship with the sender. The more I think about it, this is actually a pretty high-concept practice for pluggers.

Family Circus, 6/14/17

I call bullshit on how happy everyone looks to see fucking Billy, of all people. The only way this makes sense is if he’s walking into an ambush, possibly one planned by Sam the dog.