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Blondie, 10/8/08

I’m intrigued by Julius Dithers’ latest attempt to achieve Big Brother-like omnipresence in his workforce. It’s kind of surprising that his employees must spend the day staring not at his sneering face, but at his clenched fist. At first glance this would seem to be the ultimate expression of the unabashed threats of violence that underpin his thuggish regime, the identity of the Leader reduced merely to the instrument that he uses to deal out pain. But note that the fist isn’t advancing knuckle-first at the viewer in the style of a righteous fist o’ justice; rather it appears to be waving in the air in impotent rage. In this sense, what’s meant to be a symbol of tyranny in fact exposes the regime’s weakness and plants the seeds of its eventual overthrow.

It’s also possible, but unlikely, that this is a close-up of Dithers flashing a proud Black Power salute.

Family Circus, 10/8/08

This may look like yet another “freakishly large-headed kids say the stupidest things” installment of the Family Circus, but I actually think Billy is using the live NASA feed (the only thing Daddy will let the kids watch, other than Veggie Tales and Davey and Goliath) as an opportunity to broach the subject of his father’s fanatical refusal to stop at rest areas during long car trips. “OK, dad, they’re in the terrible vacuum of space and need to stick to a tight schedule or they’ll run out of oxygen, so that makes sense, but why is it so important to ‘reach our mission objective within the established time parameters’ that I have to pee in an empty coffee cup?”

Pluggers, 10/8/08

Pluggers are too lazy and ignorant to spend thirty seconds looking things up on the Internet so as to spell people’s name correctly or determine whether something is the name of a person or of a television show.

Hi and Lois, 10/8/08

Hi is looking stunned in the second panel here because his teenage son’s act of disrespectful rebellion: rocking out to a song released in 1975.

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Apartment 3-G, 10/7/08

Haley is so weak from dope-sickness that she can’t even sigh aloud; she can only think the word “sigh.”

Baldo, 10/7/08

Baldo’s sexual services only merit a B-.

Luann, 10/7/08

To everyone who’s been writing to Greg Evans and United Features Syndicate demanding to see Brad’s nipples: I hope you’re happy now, you bastards.

Pluggers, 10/7/08

A plugger moves through life leaving a trail of failure and economic ruin in his wake.

Beetle Bailey, 10/7/08

Otto has been “assigned” to Sarge’s “unit.”

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Pluggers, 9/22/08

Wait, are we expected to believe that Biblical patriarchs are pluggers now? Because … because I refuse to do so. I refuse, do you hear me! The great figures of the Old Testament were chosen by God to be the defining figures of their age, picked out to work the will of the Divine on Earth. This clashes with everything we know about pluggers, in that the latter are simple, self-effacing folk who don’t want any special recognition, and are also lazy and incompetent.

And I don’t even want to get into the theological implications of Noah being a terrifying beast-man, and what this says about his potential relationship with the other creatures in the ark.

Marmaduke, 9/22/08

Yeah, you tell ’em, Dottie! Your dog may be an insatiable, all-devouring hell-beast, but you can at least keep him from parading down the street with his collection of grisly trophies, the feet being the one part of a person that he for some reason refuses to eat.

Ballard Street, 9/22/08

This feature has previously supplied such disturbing characters as “Ass-Licking Dog” and “Coke-Sniffing Dog,” but I think that “S&M Dog” is a new low.

Family Circus, 9/22/08

“Or you could stop beating him, you heartless monster.”