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Archive: Pluggers

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The Perfersser usually wears a shirt and no pants, but at the gym he reverses it I guess

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Pluggers and Shoe, 6/6/23

How are the various human-animal hybrid monstrosities of the Jeff MacNelly Extended Universe grappling with the concept of the “beer belly”? Well, Pluggers would like you to know that they do not guzzle alcoholic beer like some lout; instead they get all the stimulation they could need from a combination of sugars and starches that every doctor on earth would look at and beg, “Please, rethink this.” Shoe, meanwhile, is confident that its core readership of elderly shut-ins has never been a store that sells novelty t-shirts and are unaware that they can find them online, so they’ll never realize that this is a shamelessly ripped off joke.

Slylock Fox, 6/6/23

Ah, here’s a delightful scene from the closing days of the Animal Revolution, in which one of few remaining human holdouts is cornered in a tent deep in the desert, while a grotesquely enhanced scorpion waits eagerly to sting him to death. However, as the snake-vulture interaction at the right of the panel illustrates, the animals are beginning to turn on one another, which explains why they failed to “finish the job” and Slick Smitty and Count Weirdly remain at large.

Gasoline Alley, 6/6/23

Oh, hey, how’s the tale of Rufus’s head injury going? Well, he’s unconscious and unresponsive, and emergency services are unable to reach him, so, not great, really! Not great at all!

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Unfortunately, heaven is other people too

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Family Circus, 5/28/23

The Good Place was a great philosophical afterlife sitcom, and in its later seasons you learn that the titular Good Place (its cosmology’s equivalent of heaven) hasn’t had any new arrivals in centuries, because an increasingly complex and intertwined society has made it impossible for a living person to make any choice that doesn’t directly or indirectly cause harm to someone else. Today’s Family Circus, however, posits the flipside of this scenario: due to an overall lowering of human misery (in the long view violence worldwide really is probably lower now than any other time in history) plus a radical increase in population, heaven is simply being overwhelmed by a number of souls that its infrastructure simply isn’t equipped to handle, leaving the virtuous dead to sit packed together on clouds with little to do to occupy the rest of eternity, like inmates in an open-air prison camp. It’s not surprising that these spirits need to occasionally sneak back to the plane of the living to experience just enough sensory input to keep them from going mad!

Mary Worth, 5/28/23

Excuse me, Mary Worth, I thought it should’ve been obvious that when I called for a preemptive bans on “dogs in peril” plots, I meant not just that Eve’s dog should get a clean bill of health from the vet, but also that Greta should not be dognapped by a traveling dognapper who drives around in a muddy van with tricked out rims. Sorry, I guess I’ll try to be more specific next time, but until then let’s work on getting Greta liberated post-haste, OK?

Pluggers, 5/28/23

A plugger loves his wife … but he also loves the beast within her.

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How many dead Houndstooths (Houndsteeth?) are there exactly

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Mary Worth, 5/23/23

We don’t know a ton about Saul’s past, but we do know that he was forced by his family to abandon his true love and enter into some kind of arranged marriage, presumably in order to consolidate their feudal landholdings and take advantage of agricultural efficiencies of scale. It was a loveless relationship and Saul bought a bigger tombstone for his dog than his wife, so I’m not sure how blessed any children would’ve felt being raised in that environment.

Pluggers, 5/23/23

I had a professor in college who once told me that “Ptolemaic Egypt was a theme park, and the theme was death,” a sentence I think about all the time. Anyway, pluggers are, like many of the Egyptian deities, half-man/half-beast creatures, although they lack pretty much any degree of those Gods’ dignity; still, it may be appropriate that they live their lives defined by an ever-growing army of the deceased.

Dennis the Menace, 5/23/23

I respect Mr. Wilson’s quest for perfect, unbroken silence, but I have serious questions about what exactly are in those things under the “Audiobooks” sign. Are they … CDs? Cassette tapes? Nobody actually listens to audiobooks off of physical media anymore, do they? Perhaps the Wilsons are shopping at The Big Warehouse For Old People Who Haven’t Figured Out What “Streaming” Is And Don’t Plan To In The Future, fighting against menacing changes in the media landscape the only way they know how (by keeping their VCRs working through dutiful maintenance).