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Gil Thorp, 1/20/23

So earlier this week, two Mudlarks were griping that they’d never raise enough money to save the athletics department with their typical dollar candy bar fundraiser, and maybe they should sell vapes! Ha ha, it was a funny joke, everybody laughed … except, nope, here they are actually selling vape cartridges to innocent punk rockers who quite frankly look a billion times cooler than these two dorks? This is of course extremely funny, and even funnier if they dutifully hand this dirty vape money over to Gil and the school, rather than doing what most people do with cash made from illegal activities, which is keep it for themselves.

Dick Tracy, 1/20/23

Oh, sorry, my mistake, the art forger guy only got spear-gunned to death in Panama City, but his corpse drifted over to Cuba and into Wunbrow’s jurisdiction, it seems like. Anyway, Chandler’s face got all fucked up from water damage and maybe getting partially eaten by a shark or something, but Wunbrow isn’t going to let us see it, because he’s a dirty Communist.

Pluggers, 1/20/23

WOMEN, always wanting you to LISTEN TO and then REMEMBER what they say, amiright fellas

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Dick Tracy, 1/19/23

Hey, remember “Wunbrow,” Dick Tracy’s pal with only one [eye]brow? He showed up in 1958 as a Tracy ally and agent of Batista’s dictatorship, and then, proving his ideological malleability, reappeared in 2016 as a Tracy ally and agent of Castro’s dictatorship, and now he’s a Tracy ally and agent of … the municipal government of Panama City, Florida? Anyhoo, he’s summoning Dick down to his new semi-tropical home because that’s where Kriptonite/Kyptonite murdered the art forger guy, with a speargun. “Don’t let them embalm the corpse!” says Dick, who can’t get off if he doesn’t get to smell rotting human flesh at least once a month.

Pluggers, 1/19/23

Look, it’s possible that a plugger might own a motorcycle, but nobody thinks that a plugger would own a set. They’re quite expensive and honestly that sort of ostentation is not pluggerish at all. I feel like these panels should at least present us with plugger descriptions that are slightly surprising, or give us some vague insight into the plugger lifestyle that we didn’t previously have. Pluggers aren’t going to go out and buy a matching pair of helicopters either, but I’m sure we can all agree that we don’t need that explained to us.

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Mary Worth, 1/12/23

Are we all disappointed that Wilbur didn’t somehow make a spectacle of himself at Iris’s wedding? Yes, of course. But today we at least get a little consolation prize, which is learning that Wilbur made peace with Iris “in his heart,” which I take to mean that he did not make peace with her “in a conversation in which he apologized for his various misdeeds.” And why would he, since doing so would ruin the “bad boy reputation” that will draw Iris back to him once she and Zak inevitably break up!

You know, despite his occasional drunken implosion or jealous rage, Wilbur is actually a fairly cheerful and optimistic guy. Why wouldn’t he be, after all? He shouldn’t be alive, but he is! Everything after this point is just gravy!

Pluggers, 1/12/23

Ha ha, it’s funny because pluggers are in too much physical pain to perform even basic grooming tasks, because they’re old and decrepit!