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Mary Worth, 1/12/23

Are we all disappointed that Wilbur didn’t somehow make a spectacle of himself at Iris’s wedding? Yes, of course. But today we at least get a little consolation prize, which is learning that Wilbur made peace with Iris “in his heart,” which I take to mean that he did not make peace with her “in a conversation in which he apologized for his various misdeeds.” And why would he, since doing so would ruin the “bad boy reputation” that will draw Iris back to him once she and Zak inevitably break up!

You know, despite his occasional drunken implosion or jealous rage, Wilbur is actually a fairly cheerful and optimistic guy. Why wouldn’t he be, after all? He shouldn’t be alive, but he is! Everything after this point is just gravy!

Pluggers, 1/12/23

Ha ha, it’s funny because pluggers are in too much physical pain to perform even basic grooming tasks, because they’re old and decrepit!

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Blondie, 12/17/22

I spent a probably embarrassing amount of time staring at this thinking “Which of the third-tier Blondie characters is this dressed up as Santa at the bowling alley with Dagwood and Herb? Is it one of the carpool guys, or maybe the barber?” before I realized that … it’s supposed to actually be Santa, I think? Santa is real, within the Blondie universe? He’s real and he goes bowling with random suburbanites, just days before Christmas, in what should be his workshop’s busiest time of year?

Pluggers, 12/17/22

I guess that’s better than the Pluggers universe, where Santa is also real — a real freakish man-animal of some kind, that is, and he also treats body positivity as a weird series of contests.

Gasoline Alley, 12/17/22

Gertie, “Who’s On First” hit the peak of its popularity in the 1940s! I’m pretty sure you’re too young to know about it.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/28/22

Oh my God, this Rex Morgan, M.D., plot really is going to be “Mud Mountain Murphy only pretended to have a catastrophic digestive situation so he could move up from opening act to headliner,” huh? Well, since Rex vaguely tried to offer Mud medical assistance, I look forward to him shutting down his clinic altogether after this. After all, how can he be sure that any patient who walks through the door isn’t just faking it to help their career in the entertainment business? And then Rex would have used a portion of his precious and limited reserves of human empathy for nothing. Better safe than sorry!

Dustin, 11/28/22

I guess when it comes down to it, none of us should be surprised that Dustin’s dad works at a law firm that specifically caters to real assholes who hate their kids, right?

Pluggers, 11/28/22

Look, everyone, it’s a drawing of a down-home, salt-of-the-earth dog-man guzzling laxative so he can shit himself thin! I dunno, man. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with this one.