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Quick thing #1: It’s a good thing I didn’t follow my basest instincts and do some kind of Pluggers-themed routine for ROFL, because apparently that’s old news in the New York comedy world. Laugh at the pluggers now, effete New York intellectuals! But you’ll be sorry when you need their simple down-home wisdom! Or their crappy dressers!

Quick thing #2: Life imitates Mark Trail … in China!

On Monday, an aircraft collided with a flock of nine pigeons but managed to land safely, the newspaper said. It said the birds were carrier pigeons raised by a farmer living nearby.

The airport has strung nets and tried to scare away pigeons with loudspeakers that broadcast sounds of owls and other predators but has had little success, the China Daily said.

Looks like those Chinese fellas need the help of a Right Hook o’ Justice™.

Kids, I am fleeing the steamy heat of Baltimore for a weekend at the Delaware shore. This post is a COTW-unmonitored zone once again (one of these days I’m going to get a comment-monitoring intern for my absences). Comments of the week Sunday night, and new comics Monday!

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Gil Thorp, 6/28/07

Milford’s boys of late spring aren’t content to let the softball team get all the glory when comes to insane and pointless acts of dogooderism. Today we see that the Milford baseball team is on a “peace tour” of the Middle East: they’ve injected themselves with an experimental growth serum and are now sixty feet tall, and are playing a series of baseball games along the West Bank separation barrier to cow the locals with their Godzilla-like might and force peaceful existence upon them. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem to have worked, as Clambake has apparently been beheaded by a radical Islamic Jihad splinter cell, presumably because he wouldn’t SHUT UP with his filthy infidel Negro League lies.

Mary Worth, 6/28/07

You know what? I want to see more flirting in Mary Worth. Honest. And then the sex. Because any sex that results from this ham-handed danse l’amour will be so awkward and excruciating, it’ll be like pornographic performance art. And if there’s one thing I want to see in the funnies, it’s pornographic performance art.

Man, those Charterstone pool parties have some good grub — a bowl of French fries, a bowl of yams, and a bowl of off-color hard-boiled eggs. Mmm-mmm! I also love the huge, brutalist set of concrete stairs that lead nowhere. Presumably that empty platform at the top is the altar for human sacrifices. You’re it, Dr. Drew! Lottery in June, corn be heavy soon!

Judge Parker, 6/28/07

I moved away from the Bay Area five years ago now, but I still feel a lot of affection for it. I knew that the state was having trouble paying for the new eastern span of the Bay Bridge, but I don’t see how painting the Golden Gate Bridge grey is going save any money.

Pluggers, 6/28/07

You’re a plugger if everything you own is garbage.

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Apartment 3-G, 6/22/07

“Thank God! Her mental functions don’t seem to have been affected at all!”

Pluggers, 6/22/07

Pluggers smell worse than you can possibly imagine.

Folks, I am off to make my mark in the Big Apple this weekend! As of Thursday morning, there were still tickets available to the show I’m in up there Friday night, so for God’s sake come and serve as my rooting section, I beg of you.

Also, at some point on Sunday (I cannot guarantee yet what time, but probably in the first half of the day) I will probably be wandering about at the MoCCA artfest. How long I stay will be determined by how awkward I find it not really knowing anyone, but if you happen to be there, look for me! I will look pretty much like this (I’m even bringing that shirt to wear).

Sadly, due to my absence this weekend, I won’t be posting until Sunday night or Monday morning, and am putting a cap on comment of the week as of right now. Thus, the comments on this thread are free from performance pressure! GO NUTS WITH THE ANARCHY, EVERYBODY!

While you’re here contemplating my absence, though, you may come to think, “Gee, why didn’t I get one o’ them swell Margo!Boxcar!Saturn! shirts when I had the chance?” Well, fear not: if we can get enough interest (and “enough interest” means preorders for at least 24 shirts and/or 36 mugs), you can have that second chance — and this time, they’re in cranberry! HOTT!

Shirts are $17 + $5 S&H. Mugs are $13 + $5 S&H. Gotta have ’em both? $30 + $5 S&H. As before, you can order at the site of faithful reader willethompson, the mad genius who designed them.