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Mother Goose and Grimm, 2/8/22

Do you think the various bird-women with glasses that Mother Goose talks to in Mother Goose and Grimm are all supposed to be the same character, or do subtle differences in hair color and beak shape indicate that they’re a mostly interchangeable but still distinct series of interlocutors? I ask because if this strip is taking place less than a week after the one where Mother Goose wistfully said she wished her boyfriend shared her desire for a big church wedding, it would be quite poignant, but if she’s talking to same woman her boyfriend wants to have sex with, it just got a lot darker.

Mary Worth, 2/8/22

Just like Mary Worth, the character, tries to browbeat all her friends into tolerating Wilbur despite the fact that he’s obviously a monster, Mary Worth, the comic strip, is trying to get us to accept his continued existence by showing that his assholery can serve as a prompt for exciting new non-Wilbur storylines. It’s honestly working on me a little, as today’s second panel absolutely perfectly captures Toby just as her carefully buttressed emotional superstructure shatters into a million pieces, hopefully presaging a truly hilarious downward spiral in the weeks to come.

Dennis the Menace, 2/8/22

The only way I can understand Dennis the Menace doing a “Dennis teaches Joey that it’s OK for a man to cry when he’s sad” panel is by assuming that King Features has an entire lab dedicated to making the least menacing Dennis the Menace panel possible under the laws of physics as we understand them.

Pluggers, 2/8/22

You know, a lot of people think I’m a little too hard on the plugger demographic on this blog, but even I couldn’t come up with anything as mean as the plugger-identified reader who contemplated the characteristics that make up the plugger identity and then submit an entry that boils down to “pluggers sure take a long time to shit!”

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Mary Worth, 1/21/22

Look, would we all be happier if Wilbur were dead? Absolutely. But, things being as they are, can we at least look forward to watching him try and repeatedly fail to climb a palm tree, with increasing desperation every time? Yes, yes we can. And remember, even if he manages to succeed, he’s just going to end up with a coconut. There is absolutely no way he will be able to open that coconut.

Crankshaft, 1/21/22

“Wow,” thought Pam. “He’s been talking about it for years but he finally did it. He finally figured out where to score weed.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/21/22

“Look, Kelly, I really don’t care about whatever frivolous artwork Rene collected. I just need you to say, clearly and for the record, that absence of evidence is the same thing is evidence of absence. You can do that, right? And you can do it under oath?”

Pluggers, 1/21/22

Oh, ha ha, just a plugger spending a dull Friday night listening to the police scanner. Say, I wonder a what code “10-45” means, let’s check on the old Google to fin–

AHHH

AHHH

OH MY GOD

IT’S ONE OF HIS FRIENDS

HIS DEAD FRIENDS

THE COPS ARE CALLING FOR BACKUP BECAUSE THIS BLOATED MAN-ANIMAL CORPSE IS SO VERY DISGUSTING THAT THEY CAN’T HANDLE IT

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Pluggers, 1/12/22

At long last, we get an answer to the eternal “what is a plugger?” question, and it’s this: a plugger is anyone who isn’t afflicted with total anhedonia. Have you ever experienced even the faintest glimmer of pleasure? Then I regret to inform you that you are in fact a plugger, my friend. This is good news for at least a few of you, so it’s too bad you can’t really enjoy it.

Mary Worth, 1/12/22

Speaking of enjoying things: hell yes this has been recorded by security cameras, which means everyone in Santa Royale will in fact be able to see Wilbur take a header into the ocean when the footage is inevitably leaked to YouTube. I’m imagining Ian Cameron in particular chortling manfully as he watches it over and over again. In other news, it turns out that if you want to get onto the bridge of a cruise ship and see all the cool stuff they have going on up there, all you have to do is tell the crew that “My boyfriend, he, uh, he got real mad and wandered off, yeah, that’s it, that’s the ticket.”