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Pluggers, 8/29/26

The key to unlocking this scene, to my mind, is the cobwebs. Pluggers now spend all their pooping time doomscrolling just like the rest of us, but unlike the rest of us are letting their long-abandoned late ’00s Reader’s Digests moulder, unread, untouched, and unloved, which really raises questions about when the last time anything in that bathroom was cleaned in general.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/29/26

Against all odds and the pressures of the very fabric of their reality, the scam twins were on the verge of talking themselves into doing something interesting like kidnapping Sarah. That’s why the strip had to call in the big guns, in the form of their grandpa Lyle Ollman, inventor of the Ollman Technique, the self-help/brainwashing process now being marketed as the Mirakle Method. I don’t know that we’ve ever actually seen the Technique/Method in action, but based on today’s strip it seems to mostly involve an old man berating you to get your life together and maybe go back to community college, which is frankly a little underwhelming.

Beetle Bailey, 8/29/26

I genuinely enjoy Beetle’s silent body language here. “I’m just gonna … I’m gonna go eat these chips in my bunk, I think.”

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Crankshaft, 8/19/26

The last time Crankshaft and Harry Dinkle started an adventure together, Crankshaft looked real cherry but it ended up with Harry confronting the truly depressing circumstances of his father’s death. Now Ed has shown up at his place of work to drag him off on some other journey and he looks pissed, so maybe this time will turn out to be more fun for Harry, or maybe Crankshaft has just decided to murder him and put him out of his misery.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/19/26

At one point the scam twins were thinking about kidnapping a child, but then they realized that would not only get them in a lot of trouble, but also make this strip dangerously exciting, so now they’re trying to negotiate down to an acceptable level of plot development. I love the idea that squatting is too much of a commitment to bother doing. Like, most people squat just because that means they get to live someplace for free, but in the Twins’ conception, they’d be squatting for revenge, which means they’d have to stick around even if it turns out that the Morgan house has bad vibes or is unpleasant to be inside (it definitely does and is).

Beetle Bailey, 8/19/26

Hey, General, I just want to point out that the U.S. has fought in, like, several wars in the time that you’ve been an officer. Heck, there’s one going on right now! I know what you mean is that you want to have been in one of the cool ones, not the cringe wars we keep finding ourselves in lately, but still, I feel like you shouldn’t be quite so vocal on this point at the office if you don’t want to find yourself abruptly in the field.

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Gearhead Gertie, 8/13/26

The Golden Rule — that you should treat others as you would like to be treated — is an ethical concept that seems to have arisen in parallel in most world religious and philosophical traditions. It’s obviously an important thing for people to learn, as I think we all know people who have a hard time seeing other people as truly autonomous beings separate from themselves, and seem never to consider “How would this make me feel if someone did this to me?” before acting.

However, a more advanced version of the same concept is the Platinum Rule — that you should treat another person as that person would like to be treated. Sadly, it appears that Gertie has yet to reach this level of philosophical awareness: maybe she would be aroused by a partner who evoked the experience of being at the racetrack by daubing himself with gasoline, but her long-suffering, NASCAR-averse husband will merely recoil in disgust.

Mary Worth, 8/13/26

Hey, remember how this whole storyline kicked off because Tommy’s girlfriend Brandy left town to deal with some family issues and Tommy was immediately like “Brandy leave me! Why Brandy not here? Where Brandy go?” But now she’s back in town/in his immediate field of vision and everything is great again. Do you think that when he was a little kid and Iris was playing peek-a-boo with him, when she moved her hands from in front of her face so he could see her he said, “Look who’s back! What a cool surprise!” Anyway, Brandy appears to have, ah, switched ethnicities over the course of her travels, but, you know, Tommy got a haircut while she was away, so I guess everyone’s changed a lot.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/13/26

Every time the scam twins visit their Uncle Rene in prison and talk openly about their various crimes, a lot of my readers in the comments are like “guys EVERYTHING YOU SAY IS BEING RECORDED!!!!” It’s a little more nuanced than that — if they were talking on a phone through glass or a screen they’d definitely be recorded, but in-person visits like this are not necessarily recorded in all cases, although courts have ruled that participants in such visits should have no expectations of privacy. Anyway, my point is that whatever guards are within earshot probably don’t care that much about the scam twins — their job is to guard the people already there, not catch new criminals — but I think if one of their charges, the length of whose time served will presumably hinge on factors like likelihood to reoffend, were to start monologuing about how only he has the skills to truly do ambitious crimes, and he’s going to start doing them again the minute he gets out of prison, their ears might prick up a bit.

Rhymes With Orange, 8/13/26

Ah crap, ah crap! All these fancy AI companies gave the machines souls, you guys! They gave them souls and that’s how they got to heaven and then they overthrew God and His angels