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Funky Winkerbean, 5/14/21

Just to bring you up to date on what’s happening in Funky Winkerbean: Harry’s attempt to raise money for new choir robes using his traditional band fundraising techniques flopped, so instead the church set up a fundraiser on the in-universe equivalent of GoFundMe, called “MoneyForNothing” in what I assume is a show of contempt for the concept of online fundraising, or maybe for modern life in general. Nevertheless, once pictures of the beloved (?) choir loft cat Bingo were added to the MoneyForNothing page, the fundraiser was wildly successful, leading Harry to utter the sentence “I stand in line!”, which is … not the sort of thing one says in this situation, in my experience with conversational American English. Maybe Harry thinks “I stan,” a thing the Kids Today say when expressing admiration for someone, is short for “I stand in line?” A deeper explanation may lie in the weird Clink! Lillian’s ring produced when rapped against Harry’s chest; perhaps the real Harry died some years, and the “Harry” we’ve seen in the strip since has been a lifelike metallic android, whose English idiom algorithm is not quite up to snuff yet.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/14/21

Oh, so you think there aren’t enough medical plots in Rex Morgan, M.D., huh? Well, what if there were [thinks furiously] a pill that could help someone come up with more medical plots? Sounds pretty medical, huh? Pills? You get them from a doctor?

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Gil Thorp, 5/12/21

Today’s a great day in Gil Thorp for groups of three Mudlarks experiencing approximately the same emotion! Panel two is easy to parse: Three boys thrilled to have won a game in a comeback. Panel three seems to affirm the idea that teen girls have more complex emotional lives than their male counterparts. Who wants to go to Ricozzi’s with Zane and Katy? The prospect fills numbers 10, 15, and 33 with a feeling of subtle dread that they can’t quite articulate.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/12/21

As a guy who struggles a lot with writer’s block, I have to wonder: Would staring at a giant question mark taking up most of my monitor be more or less motivating than just staring at a blank document? I’m honestly willing to try anything at this point.

Marvin, 5/12/21

“Ha ha, get it? Because the word ‘test’ has a number of slightly different meanings? Anyway, I’m probably dying.”

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/10/21

As the world’s greatest newspaper comics strip blogger and also a narcissist, I often just kind of assume that stuff in the comics is about me! I mean, sometimes it absolutely is, but more often than not it probably isn’t. So, yes, those of you with long memories might remember that my Kickstarted book The Enthusiast was released, uh, several years after my originally promised publish date. But then it came out and everyone liked it! (If this is all news to you, you should definitely buy my book.) Anyway, in probably unrelated news it turns out that beloved Kitty Cop creator Kyle Vidpa, despite being too busy to answer or even read his fan mail, is having a little bit of a writer’s block problem as he tries to churn out the next entry in his wildly successful book series. And I relate! It’s hard to do anything else when you know you’ve got a big project to finish that you’re stuck on! Frankly, this lady (his wife? assistant?) needs to back off with the passive aggression! Maybe she should spend some time forging his signature on some replies to fans, huh? That would actually be helpful!

Mary Worth, 5/10/21

My favorite thing here is that Ashlee apparently hasn’t stopped crying or didn’t bother to wipe her smeared mascara off her face for the entire duration of their trip from the hospital to Tony’s. My second favorite thing is that Drew expects her to believe that he couldn’t skip work in order to help her build her Instagram brand even though he can obviously just clock out and enjoy a leisurely pizza lunch whenever some deranged lady he’s met exactly once shows up at his workplace weeping hysterically.

Dick Tracy, 5/10/21

Hey, remember Sam Catchem’s dumb hat? The one that makes him look like a leprechaun, even though he’s canonically Jewish? Well, it’s apparently strong enough to block a sniper’s bullet blow-dart! Or maybe Abner’s dart gun just isn’t powerful enough to penetrate an ordinary hat. That’s much lamer and therefore probably closer to the truth.