Post Content

Curtis, 1/14/19

Apologies for not keeping you up to date on Curtis, where the Kwanzaa storyline fizzled out and then there was a whole storyline where Michelle gave him a new hat, which I guess is intended to “update” his look, but then Curtis remembered that his old hat was given to him by his dad, and it was a bonding moment, but anyway what finally has moved me to comment is that Heart-Throb thinks he needs to stand near Curtis and his dumb new hat to win the attention of the ladies, as if he weren’t wearing a hat indicating that he’s the Doge of Venice! What middle school girl wouldn’t want to spend time with a duke elected by the merchant oligarchy of a most serene maritime republic? Baby, the riches plundered from Constantinople in 1204 can be yours!

Funky Winkerbean, 1/14/19

“Listen, Les… I’m going to level with you here: I’ve been typecast in Hollywood. The town only sees me as a handsome action hero who always saves the day, gets the girl, and leaves you feeling better for having spent time with him. But I’m ready with Lisa’s Story to break the mold, to transform myself into someone who’s completely insufferable, a man who lets events wash over him and is chiefly marked by the parasitic sympathy he gains from the suffering of his loved ones. Also, like Charlize Theron in Monster, I’m going to have to spend hours in the makeup chair every day to transform my handsome visage into … you know, yours. Best Actor Oscar, here I come!”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/14/19

“Don’t apologize for that, Kelly. Remember, we pay you to look after our kids. No matter how many lives you have to destroy with wild, unfounded accusations, that should always be your first priority!”

Post Content

Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/12/20

FRIDAY: Oh my gosh! Does June’s weird pseudo-relative have a terrible alcohol problem??? Could be a juicy storyline here!!!

SUNDAY: Enh, never mind, she’s just old and sleepy and messy and likes hard-to-find soda! Whew, drama over, let’s all take an unplanned nap, shall we?

Blondie, 1/12/20

Dagwood claims to be uncomfortable, but do you notice how his naturally bent knees fit perfectly into the length of his couch? Could this be an evolutionary adaptation in Homo bumsteadus?

Beetle Bailey, 1/12/20

Ha ha, it’s funny because Sarge will take out his frustrations on his subordinates, violently!

Post Content

Six Chix, 1/10/20

Folks, I’m honestly impressed by how much “a lot going on here” this relatively sparsely drawn Six Chix packs in today. Let’s start with all the ways in which the ostensible “joke” doesn’t actually work: the term “red-handed” is a reference to a murderer being caught with literal blood on their hands, not a reference to the color of human hands themself, most of which are not what you’d call “red”; nevertheless, I guess the punchline here is supposed to be that gray poodles tend to have gray paws, which is severely undermined by the colorist’s choice to make the arrested poodle yellow. Unless there’s some kind of … gray evidence of crime that dogs are known for? Pretty sure dogs don’t have gray blood, though I admit I’m not a scientist or anything. Anyway, I feel bad because all this distracts from what I think is the real horror here: it’s normal for animals to not wear clothes, and it’s fine if your anthropomorphized animals wear clothes, but if you have an animal wearing only a hat and a police badge, I’m going to imagine him as functionally equivalent to a naked person wearing only a hat and a police badge, and honestly the way this dog’s tongue is hanging out and his tail is wagging really isn’t helping with the whole vibe.

Crock, 1/10/20

Speaking of colorist errors, I kind of like that whoever was coloring today’s Crock decided “look, Crock takes place in the desert, we always make the ground bright yellow sand, and I’ll be damned if I figure out what the inside of a salt mine looks like, you hear me? I’m not Google image searching this shit, life is far too short!”

Marvin, 1/10/20

Gotta give credit where it’s due: could you spend the last 38 years, as the comic strip Marvin has, coming up with increasingly weird and off-putting scenarios in which the title character makes eye contact with one or both parents while shitting? I’ll bet you couldn’t. I’ll bet you don’t have the stamina.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/10/20

Whoops, looks like in addition to having a big personality and a tendency to show up unannounced, Aunt Tildy is … a comical drunk? More on the exasperated facial expressions Rex makes about this as events warrant.

Mary Worth, 1/10/20

“Please, doctor! I’m literally melting from panel to panel! Test that thyroid and test it now, with all your might!”