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Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/28/19

Welp, I guess we’re gonna drag this botched robbery out even though all the danger has immediately dissipated. Maybe our boy Justin is standing a little too close to a couple of dudes that he just called the heavily armed cops on? Is someone gonna get killed in the crossfire? Can it be Justin? Please, I just need to feel something, anything when I read this comic strip.

Funky Winkerbean, 5/28/19

Hmm, looks like Cliff’s kemosabe reference was maybe really about Lisa, the beloved Funky Winkerbean character who, as you may have forgotten, died of cancer? There’s gotta be a connection there, right? Maybe the connection is “‘Kemosabe’ is a catchphrase from The Lone Ranger, which for decades was one of the most popular media franchises in America and so lots of people are familiar with it.” Just brainstorming!

Beetle Bailey, 5/28/19

Crushingly depressing Beetle Baileys are usually about the Halftrack marriage, but today’s strip is really mixing it up! It features Sgt. Lugg’s face crumpling because she realizes that she’s sitting on an army cot and eating something out of a dog bowl with a spoon, as part of a date.

Pajama Diaries, 5/28/19

STOP TRYING TO MAKE “THE PAJAMA DIARIES PEOPLE ARE A FUN MIDDLE-AGED COUPLE WHO ARE INTO BDSM” HAPPEN

IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN

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Blondie, 5/26/19

Longtime joshreads dot com trufans know that one of my obsessions about the comic strip Blondie is that Dagwood and Blondie and their teenage children live in a house that, as near we can tell, doesn’t have a shower. We see the inside of their bathroom repeatedly (some might say too often for comfort), and we’ve never seen a shower head or shower curtain. We know that Dagwood prefers baths himself, but it seems bizarre for him to impose his lifestyle choices on his family, especially considering that adding a shower head wouldn’t prevent him from bathing in his preferred manner.

Anyway, today we learn that there is a second bathroom somewhere in the Bumstead residence! Is this where non-Dagwood family members shower, like normal people? And where is this other bathroom? We know that the tub-bathroom where today’s action takes place is on the second floor. Is the tub-bathroom a master bath? Is the more typical bathroom usually the one the kids used, but Blondie has had enough and finally just wants to take a shower today, god damn it? I’ll return to this topic once I finish my elaborate digital 3D model of the Bumstead house, which will rival the diagrams of the Overlook Hotel that the Kubrick obsessives of Room 237 came up with.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/26/19

Good news, everyone! Any sense of dramatic tension that might’ve been created by this robbery has been dissipated in just four days, which has to be some kind of record. And the big resolution also reveals that nobody was ever in the slightest danger this whole time! What a relief!

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The Lockhorns, 5/22/19

I gotta give The Lockhorns credit here: this panel contains a classic “male character is aroused by a sexy nurse character” scenario, but acknowledges that no actual medical professional has worn the stereotypical white “sexy nurse” uniform in decades. However, the direction they did end up going with it, where the nurse is wearing typically pastel scrubs but, like, form-fitting, short-skirted, sexy scrubs, is perhaps even more insane and unlikely, so I suppose I gotta give them credit for that too!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/22/19

Oh, huh, I guessed I called it correctly: it’s an armed robbery! I’m very intrigued to see exactly how Rex Morgan, M.D., will make an armed robbery boring.

Family Circus, 5/22/19

Dolly joined a cult because she thought it would finally make people pay attention to her! It isn’t working very well.