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Gil Thorp, 3/26/15

Shockingly, the kid who thinks “Max Bacon™” is a cool nickname and who’s been buying what may or may not be fake Adderall has turned out to be not particularly smart.

Heathcliff, 3/26/15

If you’re looking to make the most of your seafood dollar, buying fish from a pet store is indeed about the least efficient way to go about it.

Hi and Lois, 3/26/15

Fortunately for Ditto, Meaties®, the new all-meat cereal from General Mills, is compatible with gluten-free and low-carb diets while still delivering the delicious meaty taste kids crave.

Pluggers, 3/26/15

Price inflation is a natural feature of nearly all economic systems, and in most cases is not a sign of any sort of macroeconomic distress, but pluggers have lived long enough to find it disorienting.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/26/15

AT LAST, WE’VE GOTTEN TO THE PART OF THIS STORYLINE WHERE THIS BRUTAL MOB ENFORCER MAKES AN UNREASONABLY DEMAND AND SOME POOR SCHMO BEGS FOR HIS LIFE

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Shoe, 3/25/15

This is, of course, major front-page news in the Shoeniverse: a ghastly charnel house, a monstrous corporation that makes its profits from turning sapient birds into food for other birds, has been brought down from within. One can only imagine the horrific final days there. How were birds chosen for slaughter? Might you find yourself an executive in the corporation one day, only to be murdered, butchered, and devoured the next, because of some imagined slight against the company’s tyrannical leader? The final cathartic overthrow of the tyrant must have been violent and bloody, as his fanatical supporters were all too aware that they too would be destined for the fryer in a final orgy of cathartic and retributive violence. The Pefesser stares dully at the monitor as he types, doing his best to use his rational, analytic mind to describe the horrors he’s seen without breaking down and sobbing.

Dennis the Menace, 3/25/15

The biggest wave of menace in today’s Dennis the Menace comes from the bedroom eyes Henry is flashing in the second panel. “Welp, just got more confirmation that adulthood’s crushing ennui is more than the innocent mind of a child can handle. Wanna fool around for seven to twelve minutes before I fall asleep, out of soul-deep exhaustion?”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/25/15

“Get it? Because your car used to … carry dead people around in it? Girls love a guy with a sense of humor, right?”

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Mark Trail, 3/20/15

Hey everybody! This seems as good a time as any to cue you all in the existence of the Adventurers Group, a Facebook group run by new Mark Trail writer/artist and faithful Comics Curmudgeon reader James Allen! James will be posting some behind-the-scenes stuff from the strip in the group, so Mark Trail trufans (which I trust all of you are) will want to check it out. Maybe you can ask how long we’ll get to enjoy this red-hot beaver-on-beaver action in the strip — but no, that’s the sort of magic that can dissipate as soon as you look at it too closely.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/20/15

Oh, man, has the scourge of class warfare stricken Rex Morgan Area High School? It’s like you can’t even have a rich old mobster give you a free enormous SUV that marks you as one of her loyal retainers without some sort of social consequences!

Pluggers, 3/20/15

Pluggers are bald, and they also drink themselves to sleep.