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Hi and Lois, 3/27/12

As I’ve noted, I’m really quite pleased that Hi and Lois has chosen to either go “edgy” or stop caring (or, more likely, both) and reclaim Thirsty’s original purpose as a character, which was to provide alcohol-fueled comic contrast with the strip’s square protagonist. I’m imagining Thirsty shoving that whole pitcher into a plastic bag, taking occasional slurps from it so as to numb the pain of the rest of the afternoon at Foofram Industries.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/27/12

Speaking of keeping things clean for the kids: Rex Morgan, I know that the newspaper comics industry does impose some restrictions on adult content, but I’m pretty sure you’re allowed to write the phrase “take a bath,” particularly in a strip where you lavish that much attention on the underside of Iris’s breasts.

Mary Worth, 3/27/12

Hmm, yesterday when I referred to this fellow as a “magical hobo”, I meant it as a term of literary criticism, highlighting the fact that he no doubt exists merely to help along the story of the main characters, and that his own wants, needs, and pain are entirely ignored by the narrative. But today we learn that he has the ability to instantly teleport himself from two feet in front of Nola to two feet behind her, presumably via magic.

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Dropping even the pretense that kids read them anymore, the comics turn at last to porn.

Popeye, 3/17/12

Sea Hag cooks up a scheme to defeat Popeye using a sex robot. HEH, HEH!

Judge Parker, 3/17/12

The Judge Parker girls ‘n’ guns fetish epic rushes toward its climax, reeking of perfume, sweat, and cordite:

Monique Zatari @hitgal d fahimwife4: OMG 3way @bustybower — u in? Bring yr GUN srsly k?

April Bower @bustybower d sexysanchez: Got a live one here with @hitgal — come packing! Hurry!

Ofc. Melody Jones @sweetsong d dispatch: I hear murmuring — coming from inside the house!    I’m going in!

Gloria Sanchez @sexysanchez d junebug: Hott scene @bustybower — ditch Rex; bring Glock.

Rex Morgan M.D., 3/17/12

Oh Rex, Rex, Rex, you’re doing it all wrong. “Put on the apron” means the apron only. Also, you’re supposed to be holding a spatula not that damn cookie, and those spank lines shouldn’t be coming from her head. I swear you are just hopeless.

June, dear, if you hurry maybe you can catch the action over at April’s? Bring yr GUN srsly k?

June Morgan @junebug d sexysanchez: Beats anything I got here — see you soon, mmmmm…

Rex Morgan @imthebig @nikitoy: Thot @junebug would never leave — got time for a “lesson”? I made cookies!

“Oh, wait … I guess I really mean ‘d nikitoy’, don’t I … OH CRAP NOT AGAIN!”

Apartment 3-G, 3/17/12

Scott negotiates for an afternoon of Naughty Baby roleplay and gets in waaaaay over his head.

I’m sitting in this week while Josh takes a vacation — no fundraiser this time around, but that “Donate” button still works whenever the spirit moves you. You can reach me at uncle.lumpy@comcast.net with any site administration issues.

— Uncle Lumpy

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Marvin, 3/5/12

Today’s Marvin actually raises some interesting philosophical questions! What does Marvin’s mom mean exactly when she says her child is “old enough to know better”? From panel one, it’s clear that he’s reached the point in his cognitive development where he’s capable of constructing rudimentary tools to get what he wants; does she believe that the ability to control one’s environment ought to coincide with an understanding of how such control might conflict with the prevailing ethical system? That might be theoretically elegant, but perhaps she’s encountering a sociobiological counterpoint to that argument, in which our inbuilt desires run wildly ahead of the layer of civilizing rules we’ve created to try to restrain them, and the only recourse is punishment. Getting old does stink, Marvin, as it means learning to say no to the fun things we’ve just learned how to do, to keep total chaos at bay.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/5/12

Rex is trying to short-circuit this whole storyline and skip ahead to the part where he gets to stop caring about everything. “Too bad we don’t know any screenwriters! And really, where would we even find such people? They’re like reclusive monks, toiling away in secret. Best to drop the whole thing. Say, this is some pretty delicious yogurt!”

Gil Thorp, 3/5/12

Since Gil benched one of his star players to make a point about mild tattoo-related shenanigans (that point being “Gil doesn’t like your cultural practices, young people”), the Mudlarks have lost their first chance at a championship in years. I like the third panel because it demonstrates that some kids buy Gil’s inspirational bullshit and some don’t. Blond kid on right: “He’s right! I can feel my character being built by this heartbreaking, unnecessary defeat!” Dark-haired kid on left: “Enh, no, I still would have rather won the game. Think I’ll go get some tattoos that reflect my new grim worldview.”

Six Chix, 3/5/12

So these ladies are supposed to be … lady mobsters? That’s what their outfits are meant to convey to us? And they’ve murdered someone, for tweeting? But that — oh, look at the time, I’ve spent far too long contemplating this Six Chix, now I think I’ll go do anything else.