Post Content

Jumble, 2/22/12

Oh, look, beloved Jumble artist Jumble Jeff appears to have put me in prison, again! Fun fact about me: one of my few recurring nightmares is that I’m about to be sent away to prison for some indeterminate crime, and I’m full of dread and terror about it. That’s probably why I developed my jailhouse strategy of becoming a prison librarian, which was dashed a few years ago when I learned that prison librarians are actually employees of the local library system and not prisoners themselves. This cartoon simultaneously raises another possible strategy — becoming a member of a prison drama club — and dashes it, as “creative differences” clearly would lead to a shiv to the gut in short order.

Rex Morgan, 2/22/12

Leave it to Rex Morgan, M.D., to somehow bring organ sales into the plotline in the most simultaneously gross and boring way! Yesterday we learned that Mabel offered part of her liver to her ex-(husband? lover? still haven’t figured this out) if he would move back in with her and stop drinking. I think Rex has this dynamic 100% wrong! She’s not selling her liver-chunk, she’s bribing someone with it! Is it a crime to bribe someone with a chunk of your liver? Is this all our Congress has to do with its time, making it illegal for us to literally slice apart our internal organs and offer them to old drunks in exchange for love and cohabitation and sobriety? I guess democracy really has failed, by God.

Mary Worth, 2/22/12

There’s nothing I like better after a big promotion than putting my hands behind my head, leaning back, thinking evil thoughts, and then somehow rearranging my facial features so I look like a completely different person! (Ha ha, just kidding, I’ve never gotten a “big promotion” in my life.) How do you think Nola “earned” that office, hmm? Was it a sex thing? A cruelty thing? A cruel sex thing? I’m betting on cruel sex thing, myself.

Beetle Bailey, 2/22/12

Believe it or not, this Beetle Bailey strip actually works on a number of levels! If you want to get to its intended destination — ha ha, General Halftrack is extremely old — you could laugh along with Miss Buxley’s evocation of an archaic form of rifle that she implies the General once fired in combat, or you could just notice that he appears to have dozed off in his office chair in the middle of the workday.

Post Content

Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/3/12

I have to admit that I’ve had a hard time following the current Rex Morgan plot, which involves one of Rex’s patients who died and left him everything, and a mad (ex-?)wife, and a mysterious daughter who may or may not be the (ex-?)wife’s daughter too, and an equally mysterious book, but I am pretty amused by June’s seemingly very firm knowledge that whatever it was Foster Woods wrote about, it was not for little girls, not even creepily precocious ones. Despite June’s best efforts, though, Sarah has already stumbled upon the CD-ROM containing the audio-visual component of Chasing Mildred: An Erotic Multimedia Experience.

Six Chix, 2/3/12

“Don’t worry, we’ve left you this scalpel and this hypodermic as weapons. How long can you fend off the residents’ unnecessary and invasive procedures? A nationwide TV audience will be watching to find out!”

Post Content

Your comment of the week momentarily, but first, I must share with you an awesome letter to the editor of the Providence Journal that faithful reader Dub Not Dubya shared with me. In it, Mike Fink of Providence earnestly pleads for Rex Morgan, M.D., to be restored to the paper’s funny pages. The best paragraph is this:

Is it just too realistic, and therefore, in fact responsible, for current tastes, editorial or popular? I mean, the anecdotes do raise genuine issues of health and human behavior. True, there is a sort of camp or funky almost unintentional hilarity about its style and content, but on the other hand there is also a timeliness and even truthfulness about the adventures and misadventures of its characters.

But really you should read the whole thing, which also mentions breast feeding, for some reason. Don’t miss it! And the Journal absolutely SHOULD bring back RMMD, it goes without saying.

And now, your COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

“I love the Avengers’ high tech deterrents to someone sneaking in to their headquarters. ‘Let’s turn out the lights and pretend like we’re not here!'” –hogenmogen

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Having solved the mystery of the exceedingly-inept kidnapper, perhaps Mary can turn her crime-fighting skills to discovering who embedded that turbot in the back of Jeff’s skull. From the way he’s clutching his head in the second frame, it looks like he may have suffered a brain injury. This may also explain his apparent insensibility to Mary’s endless litany of self-congratulation.” –Higgs Boatswain

“We have to find some time to spend together, mostly so I can ask you what in the living hell is going on with your jacket lapels.” –Chareth Cutestory

“When they make the movie about Old Butch, they should probably skip the part where a group of rabbits enjoy a spirited game of ‘who can hop closest to the blind dog.'” –Just Bob

“It is possible Lu Ann’s adoptive parents don’t know they adopted her? Maybe she was just put under a cabbage leaf one day and they figured, well, that’s how it always happened before.” –Chip Whittle

“If the best tattoo you can think of is just the initial of your home town in your high school colors, you’re probably not cool enough to look good in a tattoo.” –AndyL

“Margo thinks eating feces ‘sounds delicious?’ Somebody’s been reading my erotic fanfic!” –Doctor Handsome

“I think Jughead is, in his own passive-aggressive way, commenting on the fact that the cast of Archie comics can no longer be considered famous.” –Cotton Candy Beard

“Are we just going to ignore how COMPLETELY adorable it is that Mr. Weatherbee likes Glee? I mean, in the context of this comic, and its superior, too-cool-to-stay-awake-in-geometry high schools kids. Mr. Weatherbee just loves to kick back and relax by watching some musically talented teens who really care about school, who have non-food-based, non-laziness-based problems. And he’s just plain SICK and TIRED of having to tape it!” –Margaret

Thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And this is where we’d thank our advertisers — if we had any this week. To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.