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Beetle Bailey, 7/15/12

To westerners, the most distinctive aspect of Hindu deities is the fact that they’re usually depicted as having many arms. This is meant to be understood allegorically — we use our hands to wield tools and otherwise impose our wills on the outside world, and the gods and goddesses, being more powerful than us, have more capabilities to impose that power. These deities are also often depicted holding holding in their many hands objects or icons that represent their various attributes, which is remarkably similar to the artistic tack that General Halftrack has taken here. On the other hand, most Hindu devotional art manages to depict a humanoid figure with many arms without making their torso freakishly extended like the General’s statue’s, and the idea of having the soldier depict happiness by holding a terrifying disembodied grin is an innovation in this particular sculpture.

This is also a strip where the noble if eccentrically executed sentiments of the main gag are undermined by the throwaway panels. Behold the virtuous American soldierly ideal, contrasted with actual soldiers, who respond sullenly to orders because they’d rather sit on the couch watching pretty ladies on TV. Why does Beetle Bailey hate America, is what I’m saying.

Hagar the Horrible, 7/15/12

Meanwhile, I’m having a hard time parsing how I feel about the politics of this Hagar the Horrible strip. I mean, yes, Hagar is guilty of monstrous crimes against humanity, leading murderous armed bands in multiple expeditions of violent plunder that don’t even have the flimsiest of ideological justifications, so he really should be hauled before whatever the late Carolingian equivalent of the Hague is. On the other hand, the depiction of the dungeon is particularly grim, even for a strip that routinely uses torture as a punchline — hey, see those tongs stuck into the big cauldrons of red-hot coals? GUESS WHAT THOSE ARE FOR — and of course one shouldn’t imprison lawyers for the crimes of their clients, or else the whole adversarial legal system is pointless. “Life in the 9th century is brutal” is I guess the overall theme here.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/15/12

You know, all this time everyone’s been raving over poor dead alcoholic Foster’s book, but I’m beginning to think it may not actually be very good. Specifically, any book that contains enough blunt anatomical detail for a six-year-old to follow easily but also uses the cliched euphemism “roll in the hay” seems like it would be kind of muddled. Unless Sarah means that it’s taught her the difference between boys and girls … emotionally? Based on what we know about Foster’s marriages, this information is bound to be dubious, though it may help Sarah navigate her own domestic situation. “Mommy, now I know why you’re always trying to sit closer to Daddy on the couch but he keeps moving away and then he goes into his office and you drink wine and cry!”

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Click the banner to help sponsor Josh’s novel and to reserve your copy! Details here.

On the Comics Curmudgeon’s 8th blogiversary, I have a couple of quick notes on my planned novel. First, THANK YOU! My Kickstarter reached its goal in the first 24 hours it was up, and has already raised much more money than any fundraiser I’ve ever done. The book will still be better — better edited, better designed, and better written — if I get more pre-orders, and you get a more physically pleasing version of the book if you pre-order, so please do check it out.

Second, you might note that some of the high-end rewards I’ve offered involve me travelling to your home town to participate in a book party. These look pricey, but aren’t so much if you split the costs among many party guests! If you’re interested in hosting, email me and tell me where you live, and I’ll try to connect you with others nearby.

Blondie, 7/11/12

Mr. Dithers is violating any number of employee protection laws, but it’s almost certainly worth it.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/11/12

Sorry, Rex, Iris hasn’t understood a word you said since she heard the telltale sound of a corkscrew opening, because she’s been so very focused on staring intently at the delicious, delicious wine.

Luann, 7/11/12

When Luann’s mom was a teen, “heavy face time” was the name for a deadly plague that caused people’s faces to fill with pus and swell up painfully, so you can understand why she looks so upset.

Beetle Bailey, 7/11/12

I feel bad for constantly making fun of General Halftrack’s alcoholism and erratic behavior now that I know that he suffers from terrible PTSD.

Family Circus, 7/11/12

Sam the dog looks beseechingly at the sky, wondering why the ancient Thunder God gave Jeffy enough warning to successfully escape the terrible electric death prepared for him.

Herb and Jamaal, 7/11/12

Herb’s attempts to live out his philosophy of non-violence as a youth failed to make him a better person, and instead have left him a bitter, frustrated adult, consumed by thoughts of revenge.

Six Chix, 7/11/12

This nice scientist has grown a baby in a lab, raising any number of disturbing ethical questions.

Marmaduke, 7/11/12

Someone gave Marmaduke a bag of corn chips.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/8/12

Ha ha, Rex, even when you’re sort of doing the right thing, you’re being a dick! I’d like to think that he let a long, unpleasant silent moment go by after saying “It’s already gone, Iris! I cashed it on the way home,” just so everyone could imagine what was coming next — “I bought $25,000 worth of wax for that powerboat that we were just randomly given three or four storylines back” — before finally admitting that he’s giving it back to Iris and Foster’s body, because honestly, what would Rex even do with a paltry five-figure sum, am I right? Nice of him to throw some money at Mabel so she isn’t bankrupted by the false criminal charges against her, but isn’t the reason she was so desperate about the money is that she’s been saddled with all of Foster’s old gambling debts? Too bad for her, Foster needs the fanciest coffin money can buy, and Iris needs to pay a guerrilla marketing agency to “build buzz” for her film script! Look, she’s already posing for her publicity photo.

Meanwhile, good job on everyone concerned for not considering the tax consequences here: A $25,000 inheritance would have been well below the threshold for the estate tax, but it’s high enough to trigger the gift tax, so some of that money’s going to Uncle Sam. Note that when I say “good job” I’m not being sarcastic. I’d much rather this money be spent on corn subsidies and sacrilegious art and flying death robots than on whatever any of these clowns have planned for it.

Panels from Dennis the Menace, 7/8/12

In these throwaway panels, Dennis may not actually be menacing, but at least he’s giving off a pretty menacing vibe. He’s practicing for true menace later on, like when he sassily responds to criticism by waggling a pistol or severed hand or something.

Panel from Mary Worth, 7/8/12

By popular demand, Mary Worth brings you “Wilbur Weston: The Total Immersive Experience.” Sadly, comics technology has not yet advanced to the point where you can smell him, so you’ll have to take our word for it that he’s redolent of scalp polish and ham.