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Dick Tracy, 8/21/23

Hey, remember that Dick Tracy storyline that I wasn’t really bothering to try to follow in any detail? Well, it’s ended (?) with the main (??) villain falling into a big pile of pigeon shit. Say what you will about being eaten alive by rats while you’re wearing a gimp suit, but it has a certain dignity to it.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/21/23

Galoot? Ruckus? Holler? The roots country bullshit in this strip is reach intolerable levels. Someone needs to call the CDC to quarantine the whole thing until we can figure out what’s going on.

Slylock Fox, 8/21/23

Of course Slylock knows! He’s been standing here watching the whole thing! You’re not making him do any stupid math and it’s not fair.

Mary Worth, 8/21/23

Well, the dognapper ordeal was resolved with the victims restored to physical and psychological health, and then Mary and Ed wrapped up their depressing date, so that means we’re finally ready to move onto a new storyline — oh, wait, what’s that? It’s time for Saul and Eve and their dogs to visit a “dog beach”? That’s, uh, great! I’m happy about this! I love dogs, and dog-related Mary Worth storylines! Please don’t tell anyone I don’t like dogs! [Tomorrow’s banner headline: AREA DOG-HATING BLOGGER CANCELED]

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/18/23

Not to be an old guy waxing rhapsodic about the past, but remember when Mud used to be fun? When every one of his word balloons was in bold italics, implying that he was yelling all the time? Well, that Mud Mountain era, from his wacky entrance to his iconic exit, didn’t even last five weeks. I have a sinking feeling that we’re going to be stuck with his apology tour for a lot longer than that.

Blondie, 8/18/23

Hmm, I was kind of hoping this trip would clue us in to the industry that DithersCo is currently in, but no such luck, I guess. I think I can tell from some of the faces here that his employees were also hoping to find out. Oh, well, I guess it’s not going to nag at them much longer, once a private equity firm buys the place, saddles it with debt, and fires everyone after declaring bankruptcy!

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Hello, everybody! I’m back from my relaxing vacation, tanned, rested, and ready to mock the crap out of some comics. I must as always give thanks to Uncle Lumpy for his admirable fill-in work, and thanks to everyone who generously donated to the 2023 Summer Fundraiser. (Contributors will get individual thanks soon!)

You ever notice that Uncle Lumpy always gets to cover the really exciting things that happen in Mary Worth? We all remember that time back in 2009 when he got to breathlessly narrate the botched Operation H-Town Raid; this year, he was in the saddle while Mary spent the better part of the week cruising around Santa Royale in this charming bicycle:

And just as a butterfly flapping its wings in the Amazon can set in motion a series of events that ultimately results in a hurricane hitting Florida, so too did Mary’s little jaunt result in…

Mary Worth, 8/15/23

…an evening at the Bum Boat where she gets real deep into her extremely boring philosophy about, like, social cohesion or whatever. Jeff has long since tuned her out and for most of the last 20 minutes has been thinking about the hit 2004 film The Butterfly Effect, starring Ashton Kutcher and Amy Smart.

Judge Parker, 8/15/23

Meanwhile, over in Judge Parker, Sam is being recruited to probably do a murder by a Russian (?) mobster (??) just because he managed to slightly outpace a kidnapper so that said kidnapper got eaten by a bear. Look, man, he just wants to have sex with his ex-wife, OK? Will you give him some time to do that, if he kills this guy you want killed? Because he’ll do it if he has to.

Gil Thorp, 8/15/23

Meanwhile, Gil is teaching new Mudlark wresting coach Luke Hernandez why he can be so magnanimous: because he and Milford have deep financial resources that make life much more comfortable. It’s easy to be kind to your defeated foes when, win or lose, your facilities make Valley Tech’s look like some kind of makeshift concentration camp. And all Milford has to do to secure this bounty is humor “Pop,” the local eccentrically dressed billionaire who’s happy to underwrite the athletic department’s every whim, so long as he gets to hunt one underperforming junior for sport on his private island every semester.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/15/23

As America’s most beloved comics blogger, I hereby authorize each and every one of you to use “Sorry, I was busy running an online auction” as an excuse for being late or just generally not paying attention to other people. Go ahead! It’s easy and fun!