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Judge Parker, 8/5/23

Poor Sam looks so hangdog there trying to mumble his way out of a jam. But Abbey sees the glimmer of a Business Plan, and she’s intrigued: “You … you would have paid us to kill someone? Damn, murder for hire sounds easier than running a B&B out of a horse barn, and with no cooking or messy arson! I bet April could give me some pointers!”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/5/23

Hey Buck: If that earworm bothers you, just put the nail back in.

Mark Trail, 8/5/23

“Nothing can distract me—except maybe my phone and these daily smash-cut scene changes! Woooo … squirrel!”

Arctic Circle, 8/5/23

Part of the Comics Curmudgeon mission (Reading the Comics So You Don’t Have To) is keeping track of developments in under-the-radar strips like Arctic Circle here. For years, this strip has been sounding daily pollution and climate-change alarms, with “punchlines” never straying too far from “Ain’t It Awful?”

But that changed suddenly and without warning last week, when we started getting charming but off-message strips about singing in elevators, dogs and Frisbees, “Bears Like Ice Cream,” and such, and I wondered if the strip was having some sort of crisis. So it’s reassuring to see its return to catastrophe-themed humor, even if they had to swap out the existential threat.

Blondie, 8/5/23

I don’t know what the Blondie creative team is going for with the label on that suave lothario’s sweet turquoise crew-neck. “Thirsty’s” is a Hi and Lois brand, and it’s obviously a bar, not a sandwich joint. If those wild accusations by former franchisees of Dagwood’s Sandwich Shoppes LLC soured you on using that brand, you could at least go with “Hungry’s.”

Hi there! I’m sitting in through Monday the 14th while Josh takes a well-deserved break at scenic Undisclosed Location. Let me know at uncle.lumpy@comcast.net if you have any issues with the site, your subscription, or email delivery and I’ll do what I can to help.

—Uncle Lumpy

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/31/23

OK, I actually can’t decide now if this is supposed to be Mud being canny or if this app was made by Rene, who got Mud to sign something that gave him the rights to all musical output produced by Mud’s “Fergus” persona, a contract he naively thinks he can somehow enforce in court while he’s currently on the lam for attempted murder. If it’s the former, though, I can see why Buck might be upset, since he dumped (ha ha, get it) Mud as a client due to the pants-shitting incident and now isn’t entitled to a cut of that sweet, sweet app subscription money.

Slylock Fox, 7/31/23

Look, man, do you want to turn kids into communists? Because that’s what you’re going to do when your “Comics for Kids” feature has strips where the state dedicates valuable ratiocination resources to protecting people with yachts and solid gold chess sets from little guys in tiny boats. Sure, Shady is technically in the wrong, but why is it that we’re less than a generation into the Glorious Animal Regime and there’s already such a huge disparity in wealth, hmm?

Dustin, 7/31/23

Being a mom and wife to these two guys in particular is definitely the toughest job in the world.

Mary Worth, 7/31/23

From the producers of THE MUFFENING comes a new dimension in horror: NIGHT OF THE BANANA COOKIES

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/30/23

Welp, it seems that, now that he’s unshackled from his scam artist guru, our boy Mud Mountain Murphy is going all out to license his brand across multiple platforms to reach key demographics! Little kids simply can’t get enough of roots country, is what I’ve heard, and also like hearing the same song over and over again, just like Mud’s adult fans do, so a tablet app is great for that, assuming it charges a $4.99/month subscription that’s impossible to get off your credit card. Kids love the bit where he pretends to shit himself too, of course, but that’s bonus content that costs extra.

Hagar the Horrible, 7/30/23

Wow, Hagar the Horrible is doing a strip about a problematic age gap! I guess the comics really have gone woke.