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Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/23/23

So it seems that Niki is going to turn down the college scholarship he earned by helping Rex recapture some escaped prisoners, because he’s found a new passion — auto mechanics! And indeed, this is a line of work that can be quite lucrative, though I’m a little worried that he’s cut his teeth on classic cars and is going to show up on his first day at his new job and start panicking when he sees how many computer chips are involved. Anyway, I love panel three because Kelly has just reached that point in a Big Relationship Talk where the other person starts waving their index finger in your face, which you know means things are going great.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 6/23/23

I’m sorry, there is no way on earth that Snuffy Smith is going to utter the phrase au contraire. Absolutely fucking not. It’s days like today when I really come to terms with what a crushing burden it is to be the last person alive who cares about consistent characterization in newspaper comics that are literally more than a hundred years old.

Dennis the Menace, 6/23/23

Dennis casually looking at his phone as he delivers this line is in fact quite menacing and extremely funny, and I have no choice but to respect it.

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Mary Worth, 6/8/23

Looks like Santa Royale Action News has gotten wind of the van-based dognapping gang haunting the region, and thank goodness they’re interviewing this nice lady instead of Saul. People are going to see her on TV and think “Oh no! Our city’s pets and their owners are being victimized! We must stop at no expense to defeat these evil criminals!” If they had seen Saul, their reaction would be more “Honey, get in here, there’s a little dude in a bowtie on the news! Ha ha, he’s blubberin’ about his dog or something.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/8/23

As we discussed, Niki may have given up his cool hairstyle, but I’m happy to report that his mom is sticking with hers. She knows that Daryl Hannah’s chracter in Blade Runner was the pinnacle of fashion and she simply has no interest in making any changes at this time. Did she also stick with her meth manufacturing business? Probably not, right? 2023-ear Niki looks like a narc, I’m assuming he scared her straight.

The Lockhorns, 6/8/23

Leroy is, canonically, a Reddit guy, so you can see why he finds the fact that Loretta has paid $8 for a blue Twitter check so embarrassing. Obviously he’s not a fan of most of the stuff she does but you can see an even deeper contempt in his eyes than usual here.

Pluggers, 6/8/23

This phrase most of you associate with playful, youthful sexuality? To pluggers, it means pain, physical pain that they don’t trust anyone to diagnose or treat. This one is, uh, a little much, guys.

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Family Circus, 6/2/23

Nextdoor, the social network that’s like Facebook except instead of people who you actually like or at least know it’s full of people who happen to live near you, isn’t exactly a hotbed of positivity, but last summer, a nice lady posted a comment along the lines of “I’ve really been noticing the new trend of shorter shorts on men, and I just want to tell the gentlemen in the neighborhood who are partaking: I see you and I appreciate you.” I had just gone in for some shorter new J. Crew stretch chinos myself, and I have to wonder: was she talking about me? I guess I’ll never know, but I’d like think so. But none of us hipsters could hold a candle to Billy’s coach here, who quite clearly was drawn in another decade altogether. What do you think the original caption to this one was? I’m thinking “Can we delay the start of the game, Coach? My dad has to smoke an entire pack of cigarettes and also doesn’t want to hang out with me.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/2/23

Look, non-union Jughead equivalent: I’m not going to say I’m happy that Funky Winkerbean was finally put out to pasture, but I am frankly glad to no longer be thinking about convoluted comic strip timelines, so you can just keep your theories to yourself, buddy.

Marvin, 6/2/23

Wow, grandpa looks smug as hell! Not sure if that means that he is on the History Channel or he isn’t, but either way it’s an unpleasant vibe.

Mary Worth, 6/2/23

Damn you, Lyle Lovett! You’d better not eat that dog!