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Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/1/23

Many, many years ago, God, so many years ago, what have I done with my life, is this all there is … wait, what was I talking about? Oh, right! Niki first showed up in this strip in the mid-’00s, which in the grand scheme of things really wasn’t very long ago at all, when you think about it, and back then he was a little punk with a weird star-shaped haircut and a troubled home life, and who wasn’t above doing a little light erotic banter with either June or Rex if that’s what it took to climb Glenwood’s socioeconomic ladder. And what would that skinny kid think of the hunky young man before us in today’s strip, who has respectable hair and thinks it’s a little “funny” for a guy to wear graduation robes? Those things are a bit too much like dresses, you know what I’m saying? Why can’t we all just wear sensible black polo shirts, the preferred garment of normal teenagers?

Marvin, 6/1/23

My least favorite aspect Marvin is obviously all the pissing and shitting jokes, but another thing about it I don’t love is that the strip refuses to settle on a specific age for the title character. Is he a baby? Is he a toddler? Can he talk in a way that adults understand? Is he in day care? School? Does he have homework? Can any of these life phases be reconciled with the fact that he still pisses and shits himself on the regular? Because, to be clear, he definitely still pisses and shits himself on the regular and he will never stop.

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Gil Thorp, 5/30/23

One of the things I’ve always respected about baseball (the men’s version) is that, as with all sports, sometimes a level of disrespect is shown by one player to another that demands fisticuffs, but generally speaking those fisticuffs are extremely desultory, with all the players fairly quickly forming a huge mass in the middle of the field and just kind of shoving each other. My favorite part is watching the relief pitchers in the bullpen do the calculation on how long the scrum is going to last and then slowly jogging in to make an appearance if it doesn’t break up quickly enough. Anyway — and hopefully everyone understands that I’m saying this as a feminist ally — I feel like the girls of Mudlark softball could learn something from the typical low-stakes MLB brawl, because they are going at it, with roundhouse kicks and punching people in the face and such, which seem like the sort of things that could earn you a multi-game suspension at minimum.

Beetle Bailey, 5/30/23

Look, man, I hate to be the one who’s more of a purist about a comic’s characters than their creators current maintainers, but Rocky’s one-note characterization is that he’s a rebel who loves the rock music. He’s not some dork who walks around a metal detector! That’s Chip Gizmo territory!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/30/23

In other news, most of the teens in the Rex Morgan gang of teens are finally graduating high school! And thank God, because by the look of them they’re all well into their 30s.

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Judge Parker, 5/27/23

Oh, can’t remember if I mentioned that the CIA let April out of prison, but: the CIA let April out of prison, presumably because they knew that no physical cell they could build could trap and torment her more than the walls of her own mind, where she can’t escape the memory of her life as an assassin. Remember when these two were young and fun and in love, and Randy made weird, vaguely sexual jokes about chopsticks? They need to recapture their youth and passion again, possibly by going back to what they’re best at (for April, this is assassinating people).

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/27/23

I can’t find it now, but wasn’t there some mention that Buck would be around to take care of Hank Sr. if he needed help while Hank Jr. and Yvonne were on their honeymoon? Well, apparently that wasn’t necessary, thank God. Hank Sr.’s doing just fine. So are his son and daughter-in-law. Everything’s fine! Everything’s going great.

Gasoline Alley, 5/27/23

Meanwhile, in Gasoline Alley everything is not going great. Rufus is having a medical emergency, probably because of that head injury! He needs an ambulance, but — get this — Joel doesn’t know how to operate a telephone. This might cause us concern, if we cared about these people, which we definitely do not.