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Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/8/25

Way back in the mists of time when I first started this blog, it was called I Read The Comics So You Don’t Have To, and I still thinking of myself as fulfilling that mission, especially when it comes to letting you know when something exciting or important has happened in the soap opera strips. However, this goal runs into a philosophical conundrum with Rex Morgan, M.D., the strip where nothing exciting or important ever happens: sometimes it seems like something’s going to happen, but if I tell you about it, that’s leading you astray, because in fact nothing’s going to happen, so instead I usually wait to update you until it becomes clear that nothing is going to happen. Take this past week, for instance: after Augie did the responsible thing and reported the dead stalker to the police, the beat cop who showed up decided that Augie was actually the most likely murder suspect and started asking a bunch of probing questions. Was something exciting, like Augie’s arrest on false (or possibly true) accusations, going to happen? I sure didn’t tell you about it, because I didn’t want to toy with your emotions unnecessarily. But now it’s safe to discuss because a homicide detective has arrived and decided that the stalker simply drank three bottles of hooch then smoked crack and shot heroin simultaneously before eventually succumbing to his many vices. Problem solved! Nothing’s going to happen! Enjoy today’s strip and then go about your business.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 4/8/25

I actually spent a lot of time getting furious at this strip because everyone knows that in the comics, poodles are sexy French ladies, not old people, so what is this even about??? After some thought I think he’s riffing on “dumb blonde” stereotypes rather than old people stereotypes, but it doesn’t really work because (a) lots of people say “senior moment” but nobody says “blonde moment” and (b) poodles (in cartoons, anyway) are white while Grimm himself is blonde, or at least yellow.

Hi and Lois, 4/8/25

“Hey Josh,” you’re probably asking, “I know that in this current run of Hi and Lois, the Flagstons are beset by depression and anxiety, but is that true for everyone else too?” Yeah man, it is. They’re all burdened by awful knowledge they can do nothing about!

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Panel from Slylock Fox, 3/30/25

This is at least the second time that Slylock Fox has proposed the old “one person divides, the other chooses” solution to this kind of dispute, and when the first one was published five years ago I already went on at great length about how I first encountered that idea in T*A*C*K, a sub-Encyclopedia Brown series of distinctly Slylockian “mysteries” for kids. So I guess today I’ll focus on our hapless canine judge. Criminal investigation and prosecution are the flashiest part of the legal system, and the post-human regime has managed to put together semi-functional versions of that, but much of the work of the judiciary involves managing noncriminal disputes between litigants, and we can see that Slylock’s animal civilization has a long way to go in that department. Our boy Sly is using the only tool in his arsenal — ratiocination — and frankly I don’t think it’s really up to the task.

Mary Worth, 3/30/25

“Oh, Belle seems wacky, but kinda fun, ha ha!” is what many of you and frankly I thought when she first appeared. “She definitely won’t start blacking out the eyes of her lover’s daughter in family photos literally minutes after she arrives unannounced at his home, with a sharpie she apparently carries with her specifically for that purpose.” We were fools. Fools! How could we have been so naive?

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/30/25

“When is this boring stalker storyline going to get to the medical content that we expect from medically-themed comic strip Rex Morgan, M.D.?” is the question that’s been on the lips of a lot of people who do not regularly read Rex Morgan, M.D., the comic strip that has a lot less medical content than you’d expect. Anyway, does dying count as medical content? Because our stalker — I assume that’s him, based on his Lincolnian profile — seems to have died in mid-stalk, oops. Well, looks like Summer’s problem is solved, anyway! I guess maybe we should bring Rex in to say a few words about how the stalking lifestyle is unhealthy and then move on.

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Mother Goose and Grimm, 3/24/25

One of my favorite terms of art from the world of standup comedy is “street joke.” A street joke is a joke a comic tells on stage that they didn’t write — but isn’t one that they lifted from another comic or writer, which is a significant sin among standups. Instead, a street joke is just one you heard from someone who heard it from someone who heard it from someone, or (in these days where most jokes spread online) from someone who saw it in a blurry, repeatedly reposted meme of some sort. Upon reading today’s Mother Goose and Grimm, I immediately pegged its dialogue as a street joke, and some quick searches confirmed my instinct: you can find it posted in uncanny Facebook groups called things like “Strange World” and “Deep Relationships,” tagged as being of “disputed origin” on a post in the r/quotes subreddit, or for sale on human made merch on Etsy or truly upsetting AI-generated t-shirts on Amazon. There are, of course, worse sins than putting a street joke in your comic strip, though I must once again remind comics creators that if your main characters are anthropomorphic birds, and you put in street jokes that involve birds, it really leaves the reader puzzling over whether the birds in the joke are also supposed to be anthropomorphic birds that the main characters interact with, like do the rooster-men in the Mother Goose and Grimm world scream like a person every morning or what, and frankly I don’t think that’s really the effect you’re going for with this.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/24/25

Oh, just to keep you up to date on the Rex Morgan, M.D., stalker plot: the stalker got kicked out of the museum, and then Augie and Summer went to the cops and they were like “What do you expect us to do, protect you somehow? Get back to us when he’s actually murdered you or something,” and so they went back to Summer’s place and Augie agreed to stand guard. Then there was a loud noise, which implied that something exciting happened, but nope! Nothing exciting happened. Just Augie accidentally closing a door too vigorously! More on this story as it continues, against all odds, to fail to develop.

Sam and Silo, 3/24/25

The thing I like about this strip is that Sam doesn’t respond to Silo without prompting. Frankly, it’s as if he wasn’t really talking to Silo in the first panel to begin with. This was all an internal monologue! “Why is this guy even talking to me,” he thinks to himself. Anyway, these two are supposedly best friends and spend all their time together.

Alice, 3/24/25

Big news, everyone: it seems that Alice, the title character in the syndicated newspaper strip Alice, has discovered the recreational drug known as “marijuana”. Brace yourself, things could get wacky!