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Gil Thorp, 10/31/24

Oh, huh, Gil Thorp as a vampire is gonna be a cherished annual tradition now? I’m not complaining, mind you. Far from it! I do question some of the vampire world-building here, though. Why would you bother getting into a sword fight if you were a vampire? No metal blade can harm you! You could simply knock the mortal’s weapon aside with your bare hand and begin drinking his delicious blood.

Mary Worth, 10/31/24

Hey, remember the whole plot where Mary briefly got into the wild world of competitive cake baking, with a friend who turned out to be into her, sexually? She’s put those days behind her now, but it’s nice that she’s providing free (?) services for Ed and Estelle’s bare bones wedding. It gives her an opportunity to show off her skills, and also self-aggrandize by imagining baking a single cake was just as complex an undertaking as the painstaking and annoying emotional process we’ve been subjected to throughout Ed and Estelle’s relationship. Why, she doesn’t even have to deal with a transfer!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/31/24

As a child growing up in Buffalo, I experienced this disappointment year after year — and only much later, as an adult, did it occur to me that I should’ve come up with costume ideas that could accommodate or possibly even integrate a heavy coat. It was then that I took to heart the lesson that Rex Morgan is trying to teach us, which is that kids are actually pretty stupid.

Gearhead Gertie, 10/31/24

Gertie, there is no part of the Halloween mythos where you make children answer questions about your special interest before you give them candy! Please, why are you doing this??? Just dress up as a NASCAR driver and call it a day!!!!!!

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Hi and Lois, 10/30/24

Never mind Trixie’s baby brain being incapable of parsing this metaphor. What kind of fool’s paradise have Hi and Lois been living in that they look so worried about the very notion of an investor looking to buy a house, do some perhaps superficial renovations to it fairly quickly, and then selling it for a healthy profit? Are you telling Lois that houses are, in addition to a place to live, a commodity and an investment vehicle as well? She’s been a realtor for years and this is the first she’s hearing about this.

Mary Worth, 10/30/24

The big and extremely predictable Mary Worth news is that Dr. Ed has agreed to take Estelle back or whatever. All they had to do is agree to give up things that they’re passionate about and instead rely entirely on one another for emotional validation. Can’t see anything going wrong with that plan!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/30/24

Oh, you’re telling me that Rex might respond to a naive, cute, and slightly gross question one of his kids poses by making him feel weird for ever asking it, and moreover will work to make sure that he keeps feeling weird for the rest of his life? Yeah, that tracks. Sarah might’ve gotten a touch of the amnesia, but she definitely remembers Rex’s whole deal.

Six Chix, 10/30/24

We all, of course, remember the fable of the tortoise and the hare. Well, what if the two title characters in that story explored each other’s bodies, sexually? Or at least thought about it?

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Crock, 10/25/24

Of all the characters in the comics, few are subject to as much indignity as Crock’s Grossie. I mean, forgetting the fact that she’s named “Grosse” and married to a guy named “Maggot,” we must also keep in mind that she’s a colonial subject, and while she’s usually depicted as fairly fiesty and independent, she is also, like her nation, under the heel of the French and must obey their whims. Not sure what’s worse for her here: that she had to participate in the operation of this sham restaurant that’s been set up as part of an elaborate bit about what a bad cook she is, or that she’s probably going to be killed by her own countrymen when they storm the fort, just because she’s in the way.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/25/24

Hey, remember when Wanda first showed up in this strip, as a waitress who was flirting with Mud Mountain Murphy, but then Mud turned out to be kind of an asshole who pretended to shit his pants on stage, so she hooked up with Truck instead, because he was her only other option? Well, now that Mud’s been brainwashed by a con artist, who accidentally made him a better person in the process, Wanda seems eager to get Mud back into her and Truck’s lives. What I’m saying is, I look forward to discovering if Rex Morgan, M.D., can make polyamory boring.