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Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/7/21

So Nancy finally got herself motivated to put an evil scheme in motion, for certain limited definitions of “evil” and “scheme,” and decided to blow Sarah’s cover about the whole Kitty Cop pseudonym thing, and because there are no murders or political corruption or even fun car chases in the Morgans’ boring burg, the local news is camped out on their front steps demanding an interview. Just in time for Niki to show up with tonight’s dinner! These days, Niki is merely yet another bland teen character in Rex Morgan, M.D., but you might recall that he arrived in the strip as a petty thief who stole June’s purse. Eventually, of course, he was brought to the side of boring goodness when Rex took him on a wholesome, manly fishing vacation. Anyway, I have vague memories that among Nancy’s other crimes, she at one point tried to steal Niki away from Kelly (who also used to be a bajillion times more interesting than she is now), so it would be fun if Niki had gone back to the dark side and is wearing a wire so that he can sneak in to the Morgan house and get an interview with Sarah that will make Nancy rich and the Morgans embarrassed, but “fun” is the one thing this strip doesn’t do so it definitely won’t happen.

Dennis the Menace, 12/7/21

Not sure what’s more unsettling: that Mr. Wilson might be planning to make a crude mannequin out of cast-off objects he has lying around the house, label it “my sanity,” and start ostentatiously making out with it whenever Dennis is around, or the fact that the holiday season means that Dennis will be spending even less time with his family than usual.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 12/7/21

Hootin’ Holler! It’s a lawless place where you can experience vicious and arbitrary violence at any time thanks to a generations-old clan feud whose origins are long forgotten and a place where they don’t have fancy high-tech gizmos like “doorknobs”!

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/28/21

If you want the answer to “Why is Rex Morgan boring now” in a nutshell, here it is: one of the strip’s more devious characters has to be begged to start some drama and she simply doesn’t care. Her brother is literally shoving documents in her face that say “That big secret you just heard about on the news, that everyone wants to know the answer to? Well here’s the answer!!!” And she’s just like “Enh, probably it isn’t and if it is why bother.” Remember, this strip’s readers had to deal with someone they barely know getting blown up off-panel just a few weeks ago, so they aren’t emotionally prepared for any excitement right now.

Marvin, 11/28/21

The rhythm of today’s Marvin is truly shambolic, the narrative lurching about in fits and starts and ending with a punchline delivered by an irritatingly out-of-the blue talking gorilla. Still, I kind of appreciate that the strip pauses for a panel where Marvin locks eyes with us and says, smiling, “Grandpa’s at the doctor all the time. He’s very sick and in constant pain. He’ll be dead soon!”

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/27/21

Here’s the thing, folks: I spent a lot of brain power this week remembering the various Funkyverse familial relationships and it’s supposed to be a holiday, so I refuse to do the digging through my archives/mind palace necessary to determine whether Edward’s older sister is in fact Nancy — the One Designated Bad Rex Morgan Teen who does Bad Teen things like throwing superspreader parties and vandalizing mobsters’ cars — or is maybe just some other girl with similar hair. Anyway, it turns out that that despite Rex and June’s sigh of relief about Sarah’s non-fame, it turns out that becoming a new coauthor on a wildly successful series of children’s books does in fact spark curiosity, and if you have a big mouth about it Nancy (?) is going to blow your cover sooner or later.

Marvin, 11/27/21

Marvin has been doing a whole week about the title character hanging out with “Sirexa” (get it, it’s like Siri + Alexa!!!) and since we’re still in the Thanksgiving weekend here I’m going to go ahead and give thanks that, when the time came to do the hilarious joke about this digital assistant device eating, we did not discover the round opening at the top of its body to be an awful, jawless mouth, like a lamprey’s or something similarly unpleasant. We can’t see whatever no doubt nightmarish maw it’s now shoveling popcorn into, but at least we were spared that.