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Rex Morgan, M.D, 3/8/22

Ha ha, so, the funny thing is that Rex and June did some asking around that made it pretty clear that they were in fact very open to the possibility that Sarah plagiarized the Doggo Twins from her erstwhile teacher and then had amnesia about it! One assumes that, had they not been saved by the intervention of a kindly jailhouse snitch, their next move in their bid to save their clinic would have been to hold a press conference disavowing any relationship with or knowledge of a person named “Sarah Morgan.” “Morgan is an extremely common name,” Rex would tell any TV reporter willing to film him saying it.

Pluggers, 3/8/22

Look, fine, we’ve been hinting at since this feature debuted in 1993, but we’re just going to come out and say it: pluggers are constipated. OK? The “plug” in “pluggers” comes from the fact that their colons are plugged up. Are you happy now? Are you????

Hi and Lois, 3/8/22

“Am I supposed to look on my phone? Also, is this thing in my hand that I’m waving around a phone? Is this what phones look like now? Remember when phones were attached to the wall by a cord?”

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Family Circus, 2/25/22

I was going to do a joke about Dolly undermining her parents’ Flat Earth beliefs in front of PJ, but then I got a look at the utter, inky blackness outside the window. She definitely lives in some nightmare-dimension where the Sun has vanished, possibly forever, leaving the Keane Kompound as the last speck of light in a vanishing universe. Dolly’s little lie to PJ now seems like a final act of kindness before they too are snuffed out forever.

Pluggers, 2/25/22

Pluggers may not have insurance and may not be able to afford any actual medication to put in their medicine cabinet, but they still have a “health care plan”: to die with dignity by drinking a bunch of hotel shampoo after they diagnose themselves with a terminal disease from information they found on WebMD.

Mary Worth, 2/25/22

I’m not sure “uncanny” is a compliment in this context? Like, yes, Toby has probably figured out what’s going on here and does want to get laid, but she had to bite her tongue to keep herself from following it with “valley.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/25/22

You hear that, Rex and “Kyle”? This criminal absolutely doesn’t give a shit about you! You’re lucky your daughter/coauthor’s cute!

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/24/22

Ahhh, today in Rene Belluso catchphrases you can use to liven up work meetings, we have “Nonsense! Lies! All lies!!!,” which I think we can all imagine plenty of times we’d like to yell it, right? Anyway, I assume that it is in fact not a lie that Rene spent his time in the joint nattering on to his oafish cellmate about the tricks of his forgery trade. I think it’s sad that Rene was excited to share his plans for his most conceptually complex forgery of all — a retroactive forgery of someone else’s work that he would pass off as his own original composition — and all he gets in return is this pointless snitchery.

Mary Worth, 2/24/22

OK, I definitely think they’re supposed to be flirting now, because you cannot convince me that these two are throwing around “I observe what’s around me” and “if I what I see interests me” and “focus” and “energy” while talking about the most cliched still life drawing it’s possible to do for a community college art class.