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Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/25/22

Exciting developments in Rex Morgan, M.D., everyone! It turns out that vigilantism is not only bad for your rotator cuff, but it’s also illegal, whoops. I’m honestly intrigued by our hero’s insistence not only that being a vigilante is good, but that these guys are his prisoners and his responsibility. Like, a typical superhero’s M.O. is to leave the bad guys he catches tied up for the cops to find, perhaps with a demeaning note taped to their chest. But what does the Street Sweeper have planned for these thugs, if not that? Remember, by day he’s a janitor with a real crappy apartment, so I’m concerned that he doesn’t have the proper facilities to detain these gentlemen, let alone conduct a proper trial. I’m beginning to wonder if he injured his rotator cuff from the summary executions he’s been doing nonstop over the past few months.

Mary Worth, 5/25/22

Uh oh, bad news! Jared will not be able to rely on physical proximity to maintain his hold over Dawn this summer. What if the nerds down at the computer lab turn out to be hotter than hospital-nerds like Jared? We all know Dawn’s object permanence is weak, so what weird and unpleasant passive-aggressive behavior will Jared have to resort to in order to keep her heart?

Hi and Lois, 5/25/22

I am drawing great strength from the facial expressions of both Hi and the ice cream guy in panel two. They are both, each in their own way, extremely over these kids’ shit.

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Family Circus, 5/8/22

Wow, Family Circus did not need to go this hard for Mother’s Day, reminding us that, no matter how much your human litter loves you, you can never make it up to the cat mothers whose babies you cruelly stole away. I’m pretty sure this isn’t actually how it works, though, as cats are generally quite solitary and territorial, and in many cases actually work to drive away kittens soon after they’re weaned. My personal experience in this is that we had a feral cat who brought her already partially weaned kittens in our yard not long after we moved into our current house, and we managed to trap all of them and get the mom fixed and the kittens adopted. The mom we released back into our yard, and while she’ll never be a housecat or even let us pet her, she has stuck around to this day because we feed her daily; after one (1) night of sounding sad about her kittens she apparently forgot all about them, to the extent that, when we were trying to catch another feral cat with a baited trap, she walked right into it and got trapped again, even though that trap was the source of the most traumatic experience in her life to that point. Your cat is fine, is what I’m trying to say, Jeffy, so don’t worry your oversized head about it.

Rex Morgan, 5/8/22

“We’re on the brick shift! Nobody knows why, but every night two doctors at Glenwood Hospital are kept in reserve to exclusively treat any brick-related injuries. I’ve never had to do any work on any of these shifts, and I sure don’t expect tonight to be any different!”

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Gil Thorp, 4/29/22

Folks, you know a Gil Thorp plot is kicking into high gear when you get a close-up on some teen’s sweaty face, sweating due to equal parts athleticism and anxiety! Anyway, Nomar urges Gregg “G-Hamm” Hamm (shouldn’t that be GG-Hamm? GGG-Hamm?) to “keep an eye out” for that umpire, but of course Gregg is near-blind and can’t keep an eye out for anybody! Don’t worry, though, with that magical pitchin’ flipper hand that we’re just now getting a look in panel three, he doesn’t need to see anything. The flipper does all the work!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/29/22

Hey, uh, I don’t want tell a pair of hardened pair of lowlife criminal scumbags how to do their jobs, but: have you guys heard of guns? Just saying, if you’re worried about a guy with a broom cramping your style: guns. Look into them and thank me later!