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Dennis the Menace, 4/9/22

If, like me, you have persisted in the stubborn belief against all evidence that the point of Dennis the Menace is that Dennis is a little shit who’s either too mean or too dumb to play by society’s rules, then today’s panel is perfection. I genuinely love everyone’s facial expressions here, which are less comical “Ha ha, that’s our Dennis” and more “Oh fuck oh fuck this little kid ruined a wedding, who even invited him?”

Mary Worth, 4/9/22

Ahh, at last, we’re getting to the true heart of Toby’s discomfort. She managed to snag a drunk old husband who can barely tolerate her and certainly wouldn’t want to have to interact with a child in his own home on a regular basis, which means she’s been given permission to opt out of motherhood. But if she gave in to her forbidden desires for young buck Cal, would he someday seek to sire offspring with her? And, more importantly, would he try to do it in a tree, like a common bird?

Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/9/22

“No one can know the truth about my mission to raise my arm over shoulder height. This goes against everything the good doctor told me to do, but the stakes are just too high!”

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Mary Worth, 4/7/22

Dream sequence, dream sequence, dream sequence, everybody! You might recall that years ago, during one of her fruitless attempts to psych herself up to dump Wilbur, Estelle had a bizarre dream sequence featuring boxing Wilburbabies, and more recently Dr. Drew had a psychedelic dream sequence where he was stretched to his limit by the women in his life. I can’t wait to see what on-the-nose metaphor Toby’s subconscious is about to serve up! It’s starting out promisingly with a series of nesting gazes: Cal’s affectless face staring out dumbly from the canvas, presumably for Toby’s erotic viewing, except she’s been forced to turn her back on him and lock eyes with her too-curious students. Presumably Helen’s red, demonic face is gazing up at all this, from hell.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/7/22

Fight club, fight club, fight club, everybody! Uh, I don’t have any follow up to that, I just think it’s gonna turn out this guy is part of an underground fight club, run by other guys who won’t take “Can’t this week, I have a rotator cuff injury” for an answer.

Pluggers, 4/7/22

Man, I’m not generally impressed by the insights into the human condition served up by Pluggers, but you have to admit that “At first you’re horny, but eventually you’re just cheap” has a certain bracing veracity.

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Gil Thorp, 4/6/22

Ahh, we’ve come to one of my little pleasures in life: that moment in the Gil Thorp season when someone asks Gil who’s going be on the team this year, and then he just rattles off a bunch of names. I find it soothing, like a white noise machine playing ocean sounds in the background. Will we have to remember some of these people? Probably. But I trust that Coach will say their names again in that case. For now, I’m taking the attitude of the two young men walking outside in the third panel. “Hear that? Can’t quite make it out, but it sounds like some names are bein’ said. Must be baseball season!”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/6/22

Rex isn’t so much “soothing” as “boring” here, but I’m willing to wait this strip out. Mmm, a serious injury but not severe enough to merit surgery? It’s going to heal … eventually? Uh huh. Keep it coming. I can do this as long as you can.