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Dennis the Menace, 12/22/21

I’m sorry, I absolutely refuse to believe that a kid who goes to church on the regular would know what a “manger” is but also think Jesus’s name was “Wayne.” The only menacing thing here is Dennis’s obvious cognitive deficits.

Hi and Lois, 12/22/21

I guess the joke here is supposed to be that because Foofram Industries didn’t have a holiday party last year, this year’s is extra lit, and horny? I have a hard time squaring Thirsty’s line about not needing to spike the punch with the little bubble and asterisk things floating around amongst the partygoers, which are generally used in the comics to denote drunkenness, though I suppose in this case they could be representing the omicron variant of the novel coronavirus.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/22/21

“They’ll find something soon enough, because — and we’re married, so I know what I’m talking about here — you’re not actually very interesting.”

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Panel from Slylock Fox, 12/19/21

I initially assumed the solution to this mystery would be animal fact based: bears really do eat salmon and raccoons really do eat lobsters, so the wolf would only get theatrically excited about oysters as part of his criminal middleman routine. But the “strongest alibi” bit truly gets into the Orwellian mindfuck that is life in Slylock’s Forest Kingdom, where you can be immediately found guilty not despite the fact that you have the most evidence pointing to your innocence but because of it! Please do not dwell on the litany of horrors Sly subjected this poor wolf to in order to “convince” him to confess, this is a comic for children.

Panel from The Lockhorns, 12/19/21

Yeah, man, my wife does too? I think think it’s pretty normal for your partner to generally be aware of when you’re in bed, to be honest. Come on, Leroy, this one is a stretch. I am intrigued by the lady who’s just discovered an outlet for her “jolly old elf” fetish, however.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/19/21

I think this is a pretty good look at who would watch this livestream and feel vaguely bad about their contribution to the feeding frenzy over “Cynthia Ivy”‘s real identity: basically normal looking kids and extremely dweeby adults.

Panel from Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 12/19/21

TIRED: Saying “Happy Holidays” is offensive to Real Americans because it diminishes the unique religious importance of Christmas

WIRED: Saying “Happy Holidays” is offensive to Real Americans because it reminds us of Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, a strip created by liberal coastal elitists specifically to make fun of the rural poor

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Dick Tracy, 12/15/21

Let’s face it folks: between COVID-19, a general prejudice against nerds, and a widespread unwillingness on the public’s part to engage with anything that isn’t part of a larger, branded “cinematic universe,” museums and libraries and other so-called “brainiac institutions” are in trouble! That’s why we’re trying to “get the word out” in the funny pages about how these places are actually pretty cool, when you think about it. We already had a long story in Rex Morgan about how doing stuff at a museum can lead to you acquiring a mob enforcer as a chauffeur; now we’re learning that if you’ve been paid with murdering a particularly formidable adversary, maybe there’ll be an exhibit about him at your local library that will let you know about all his vulnerabilities and weak spots.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/15/21

Speaking of Sarah’s adventures in unearned and unwanted (?) fame and fortune, let’s not forget that she’s not the only pseudonymous author on the Kitty Cop series: there’s also “Kyle Vidpa,” aka Jake Rowling, whose writers’ block got Sarah involved in all this in the first place, and who is presumably about to blow his own cover to distract from Sarah. Look at his wife in the background of panel two! That is the face of a lady who’s about to go through a lot annoyance for a kid who she quite frankly doesn’t even know, and she’s not thrilled about it!