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Maybe it’s the approach of yet another announced “sell-by” date, or the challenge to “knock [its author] off the page”, but suddenly everybody in the comics is trying to muscle in on the territory of For Better or For Worse. And since the funny page is such a vicious nest of vipers, every strip has picked out its own vulnerability to exploit:

Judge Parker, 7/1/2008

“Twenty-five thousand and one dollars, Sam, not a penny less! Real money, too — I mean Canadian dollars.”

Spider-Man, 7/1/2008

Meanwhile, Spidey hones his use of wordplay as a substitute for plot development. With his back to the audience and botched delivery, he looks like a strong contender to snatch Foob‘s crown.

Sally Forth, 7/1/2008

The Forths’ strategy targets the famed Foob flashback technique. Sorry, Forths — yours is still far too effective to compete.

Mandrake, 7/1/2008

Hey, look who’s here! Mandrake retains the egregious stereotyping of founding author Lee Falk, but it’s not aiming for The Phantom, or even Foob. With its dapper hero, hot babe, and low-water-pressure storyline, this strip has Rex Morgan, MD squarely in its sights.

Hey! Too much comic goodness for just one post today — stay tuned!

— Uncle Lumpy

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Mark Trail, 5/31/08

For those of you new to Mark Trail, that individual in panel two is Kelly Welly, the strip’s resident sexpot, who’s always trying seduce Mark away from his virtuous, ever-faithful wife Cherry. The fact that you’re supposed to be looking at that face and thinking “irresistible seductress” and not “fetal alcohol syndrome” tells you pretty much everything you need to know about the depiction of humans in this strip.

Naturally, when Kelly started talking about “filming” at Lost Forest that could net the big bucks, my mind immediately turned to pornography. My bet is that Kelly initially hoped to get Mark to star in her sexy wilderness production, Naughty Nature Lovers, with herself as both the auteur and female lead; Mark’s dogged professionalism would overcome is total asexual disinterest and finally lead him to give her the ravishing she’s been wanting for years. But with Mark out of the area, her Plan B is to make Cherry her star, and once Mark sees her naked (he hasn’t yet, obviously), their marriage will be destroyed, as he can’t deal with yucky girl parts.

Mary Worth, 5/31/08

Mary thought she was done with Jeff — but then she caught a glimpse of that Corey ass, the one that always keeps the ladies coming back.

Sally Forth, 5/31/08

New #1 on my list of incredibly creepy euphemisms for having sex that will ensure years of involuntary celibacy: “practice making a baby”.

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Slylock Fox, 5/25/08

At last, Count Weirdly has hit upon a sinister plan that’s actually sinister, not just irritating: dropping Max and a bevy of decoy robo-Maxes out of the bomb bay of his WeirdlyJet! I don’t even want to imagine the dumber-vs.-dumbest adventure that must have led up to Max’s capture. Fortunately, Weirdly has forgotten the tails on his Maxdroids, because otherwise they are identical to the real thing in every respect — including their no doubt helpless mewling as they plummet to their deaths, and bowler hats that remain firmly in place, in violation of the laws of physics.

The sickest part, for me, is the vulture sitting on the WeirdlyJet’s nose, presumably waiting for Max to hit the ground with a splat so he can enjoy some lunch.

Meanwhile, over in the Six Differences, I like the happy expression on the frog’s face, as he silently salutes his crocodile brother, striking a blow for cold-blooded creatures against their mammalian oppressors.

Blondie, 5/25/08

I’m kind of charmed by Dagwood’s terrified retreat that finally leaves him standing in the empty bathtub, his last place of refuge (occasional incursions from his boss notwithstanding). I also like the fact that Daisy has followed the bickering couple upstairs, wearing a terrified expression that says “Why are male-person-who-feeds-me and female-person-who-feeds-me fighting? Why? Will this affect the frequency with which I’m fed?”

Dennis the Menace, 5/25/08

Gee, when it comes to questions about his past military service, Mr. Wilson seems to be protesting a little too much, complete with his trademarked creepy single bead of sweat. Is it possible that this whole “flat feet” story is just a front (after all, he did walk a mail route for thirty years) and that George Wilson was just too much of a coward to fight the Nazis/the Hun/the Spanish Menace/however the hell old he’s supposed to be?

Sally Forth, 5/25/08

My, the shape of Ted’s squirt gun certainly is … suggestive.